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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 weeks pregnant and DH on night out in another city and uncontactable

50 replies

Stargirl1704 · 09/12/2023 21:13

I am furious! Probably pregnancy hormones adding to this but as title states.. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and DH is on his Christmas night out. Fair enough. In another city about 2 hours away by train. Now all trains are being cancelled due to bad weather, haven’t heard from him for hours and can’t get hold of him- phone is either off, dead or no signal.
AIBU to be annoyed that I can’t get in contact with him? What if I was going into labour!?

This behaviour is usual for him (not hearing from him for hours when out drinking) but I honestly thought being so close to giving birth and on a night out further away from home he’d have made a bit more of an effort to be a bit more sensible with his booze and definitely keep his phone on at all times FFS?

Arghhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:
Duckeggbluebutton · 09/12/2023 21:14

Why would you expect him to change?

FiveCows · 09/12/2023 21:16

Oh dear. I’m sorry you’re stressed about this, but as pp said, he won’t change.

If I were you I would go to bed and let him find his own sorry way home when he is ready.

GrannypantsMagee · 09/12/2023 21:18

It is infuriating, but unless you are actually in labour or have some other reason you really need to speak to him right now, for your sanity and peace of mind and blood pressure stop trying and get on with whatever will feel like self care for you right now x

Lavender14 · 09/12/2023 21:18

Is there a reason you're needing to be in contact with him? Is it possible that the place the Xmas do is in has no reception?

I think if you know he has form for this I'm not sure why you expected any different this time.

When he's back and the hangover is done you need to have a really serious direct conversation about expectations for when baby comes because if my dh couldn't manage to keep himself contactable on a night out then we'd be talking seriously about his alcohol use. Fathers don't get to disappear off for hours at a time and he needs to be super clear on it.

MoggyP · 09/12/2023 21:19

It's a shit that his phone is dead.

But it's not his fault that trains are being cancelled, and if it's storm related it's not something he could have foreseen.

So I think you are being a little bit U about the wider circumstances.

But you're right about the need for him to be contactable. Though today there is nothing urgent up with you, so there's still time to read him the riot act

DustyLee123 · 09/12/2023 21:19

It’s usual for him, so what do you expect. No doubt he will be the same when you’re at home with a sick baby too.

OneLollipop · 09/12/2023 21:22

I assume this will be your first baby with him? As PP have said, YABU to expect him to change - oat people don't change. YANBU though to think that's he's behaving like a dick, because he is. But you say he does this often. This is what he's like. It's how he is. The question really is what YOU are going to do about it. I'm sorry he's doing this, my husband would never have behaved like this (heavily pregnant wife or not).

Ladyj84 · 09/12/2023 21:22

Lol my hubby missed the last 2 Christmas work nights and meals out this was his first year going as I was pregnant both of the last 2. But I never asked him to not go either that was his choice. But he is always contactable no matter what

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2023 21:23

You are cosmically unreasonable for thinking that you being pregnant would make your husband turn into a considerate human being. I assure you that he won't step up after the baby is born either.

What you see is what you get. This man will never change, and the worst is yet to come.

LylaLee · 09/12/2023 21:25

OP thinks he will change because she is pregnant. But he hasn't been contactable before because he doesn't give a shit. He still doesn't give a shit. Only a very good excuse would convince me otherwise.

PooglesWood · 09/12/2023 21:26

ime men like this never change.

SecondUsername4me · 09/12/2023 21:27

Once a selfish dick, always a selfish dick.

What's the long term plan OP? Waiting for someone to change who they fundamentally are never works.

Missingmybabysomuch · 09/12/2023 21:29

"This behaviour is usual for him"

You said it yourself 🤷 Why would someone who has form for being selfish and disrespectful suddenly change?

He showed you who he was and yet you still had a baby with him and now you're surprised that he's the same selfish person you already knew he was.

I'm sorry @Stargirl1704 You and your baby deserve better. He shouldn't be contactable because you've told him to or to not get told off, it should be because he actually cares and wants to be contactable.

Teapleasemilknosugar · 09/12/2023 21:30

Mine was abroad on an unavoidable work trip for 4 days with his CEO at the same stage in my last pregnancy. Not a jolly, granted, but still an absence at a late stage of pregnancy.

Hopefully you have emergency contacts locally to you on standby, just in case, and nothing will happen before he's home. Honestly, let him enjoy himself. He'll probably not change once baby arrives but you'll feel differently about it then, too.

Go to bed, get some sleep and enjoy starfishing in the bed without him 😁

MrsMarzetti · 09/12/2023 21:32

Why on earth did you choose to have a baby with this man ?

TomatoSandwiches · 09/12/2023 21:36

YABU having a baby with this man, why did you do that?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/12/2023 21:42

My ex did this to me at 33 weeks twice I a row. He knows my number off by heart and he still didn't text me. Used it to start I fight I think.
I think there is something (some, selfish) men go through at this stage that feels to them like it's their last chance of 'freedom' so
They want to go wild when they can.

I was googling hospitals and car crash news but mine was fine, of course. Yours will be too.

I would tell him he cannot go out drinking now at all before baby is born as you could go into labour at any time. If he refuses to agree tell him he needs to move out and your mum or best friend or sister is moving in instead to support you through late pregnancy and labour and postpartum or you'll move in with them as you can't rely om
Him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/12/2023 21:43

I'd be tempted to lock him
Out too but can't risk that on cold nights just in case

Sohardithurts · 09/12/2023 21:46

Did you talk about it before he left to go to the event? Given he has form for past similar behaviour did you make it clear he needed to stay contactable? Because if so it’s even worse and he is basically telling you he cares more about a piss up then your wellbeing and that of his child

I hope you are ok OP. It must be very upsetting.

salamirose · 09/12/2023 21:46

Maybe his phones been nicked? I'd wait until he's home safe before you get angry

youcandanceifyouwanna · 09/12/2023 21:49

Maybe he is somewhere where he can't get a signal? To be honest I'd find it weird and controlling if DP tried to contact me when I was on a night out, unless it actually was an emergency. Especially so if it was still quite early on on the evening i.e. before 10:30.

AngelAurora · 09/12/2023 21:51

You married him knowing what he was like. You are pregnant, not dying. As long as you can get to hospital, no one else matters.

Katbum · 09/12/2023 21:52

The likely scenario is he is pissed in a venue with no signal and unaware that trains are being cancelled. Not much you can do other than try to calm the mind then read him the riot act when he has a sore head tomorrow!

Oblomov23 · 09/12/2023 21:54

Eh? You aren't even due to give birth for 5 weeks, at 40 weeks. This seems complete hysteria. Calm the fuck down.

Original poster
Stargirl1704 · 09/12/2023 21:55

I was only trying to contact him in the first place because I hadn’t heard from him for hours so wanted to know if he was alive and also wanted to know if he was even aware that trains were being cancelled or not 🤷🏽‍♀️

Starfishing tonight

OP posts: