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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 weeks pregnant and DH on night out in another city and uncontactable

50 replies

Stargirl1704 · 09/12/2023 21:13

I am furious! Probably pregnancy hormones adding to this but as title states.. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and DH is on his Christmas night out. Fair enough. In another city about 2 hours away by train. Now all trains are being cancelled due to bad weather, haven’t heard from him for hours and can’t get hold of him- phone is either off, dead or no signal.
AIBU to be annoyed that I can’t get in contact with him? What if I was going into labour!?

This behaviour is usual for him (not hearing from him for hours when out drinking) but I honestly thought being so close to giving birth and on a night out further away from home he’d have made a bit more of an effort to be a bit more sensible with his booze and definitely keep his phone on at all times FFS?

Arghhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:
BananaSplitsss · 09/12/2023 21:55

I absolutely could not cope with this. Pregnant or not.

It is selfish and inconsiderate and totally unacceptable.

Fuck that shit.

salamirose · 09/12/2023 21:57

Oblomov23 · 09/12/2023 21:54

Eh? You aren't even due to give birth for 5 weeks, at 40 weeks. This seems complete hysteria. Calm the fuck down.

Right but babies come early

BananaSplitsss · 09/12/2023 21:57

Stargirl1704 · 09/12/2023 21:55

I was only trying to contact him in the first place because I hadn’t heard from him for hours so wanted to know if he was alive and also wanted to know if he was even aware that trains were being cancelled or not 🤷🏽‍♀️

Starfishing tonight

I hear you lovely. I am not especially helpful as I have a severe anxiety disorder so not the best person to give advice.
Sending hugs 🩷

SophiaElizabethGrace · 09/12/2023 21:57

I think YABU because you're unlikely to go into labour tonight and secondly, you're expecting him to change. Why?

Being a dad is likely to make him worse in terms of being a man child and irresponsible behaviour.

SophiaElizabethGrace · 09/12/2023 22:01

There have been train cancellations due to strike action for a week now across a lot of the network. Some train companies said that today would be a bad day in terms of disruption.

If he was bothered he would have checked or he would at least have a contingency plan for any last minute cancellations.

Ghentsummer · 09/12/2023 22:01

Do you often call him when he's out because you haven't heard from him in hours? Many would see that as controlling if it were a man checking up on his female partner.

Re the trains, why did you not just send a single text/WhatsApp? you didn't really need to speak to him. And why were you even looking up trains?

treebranch123 · 09/12/2023 22:03

Turn your phone off. Sprinkle a few cups of water on the bed, grab your hospital bag. Hastily write a note saying "baby coming... gone to hospital"

Then go check into a spa hotel

He will get a shock when he returns in a hungover state haha

treebranch123 · 09/12/2023 22:05

Oh and then when he calls you, say nothing just send a pic of a random googled newborn.

PossumintheHouse · 09/12/2023 22:16

treebranch123 · 09/12/2023 22:05

Oh and then when he calls you, say nothing just send a pic of a random googled newborn.

Bloody hell. That’s a bit much. Don’t forget a squirt of fake blood and a hysterical voicemail, ey… 😬

Saying that, those suggesting you’re being unreasonable are being harsh. Alone for hours and pregnant for 35 weeks, yet he can’t be arsed to check in with a text? Just a bit shit.

ExTheCheater · 09/12/2023 22:32

Yabu if this is what the guys like anyway.

SwooningCamille · 09/12/2023 22:36

There seems to be one of these 'my husband has gone missing after a night out' threads every other day.

Go to sleep and he will turn up.

ChiIIieP · 09/12/2023 22:43

Why do you need to be in touch with him every few hours? Bit of an overreaction, he's just on a night out.

treebranch123 · 09/12/2023 23:25

I was just joking but I personally think when you got someone at home that could give birth any day you should have your phone fully charged and on vibrate.

When I was heavily pregnant I had an awful visual migraine with aura that scared the hell out of me. I needed to get in touch with my husband asap as the hospital wanted me to go in to get checked out

Sholkedabemus · 09/12/2023 23:27

Duckeggbluebutton · 09/12/2023 21:14

Why would you expect him to change?

Do you think this is helpful?

VoiceOfCommonSense · 09/12/2023 23:36

You already know what he’s like so what do you expect. Either accept it or move on.

LBFseBrom · 09/12/2023 23:43

Unless something goes wrong, you have a while to go yet before giving birth. Many women work until a fortnight or so before that happens! I doubt your husband would have gone out for the night if you were due in two weeks.

It is his work Christmas do so don't be too hard on him. As for being uncontactable, it is bedtime now and he will be in touch tomorrow, and come home. I have to say I didn't realise train services were disrupted due to weather, presumably road conditions are not good either, but that sort of thing happens and it's nobody's fault.

I wish you a good night's sleep, everything will seem better in the morning.

Elfandwellbeing · 09/12/2023 23:47

Yabu 35 weeks is not a big deal you have ages yet. I suspect you are fed up due to something else,

Snowdogsmitten · 10/12/2023 00:07

He’ll never change. He’ll do it again when the baby is about a week old, probably

kiwiaddict · 10/12/2023 00:15

treebranch123 · 09/12/2023 22:03

Turn your phone off. Sprinkle a few cups of water on the bed, grab your hospital bag. Hastily write a note saying "baby coming... gone to hospital"

Then go check into a spa hotel

He will get a shock when he returns in a hungover state haha

Omg I'm pregnant and this is such a good prank, I'm totally doing this 🤣🤣

RampantIvy · 10/12/2023 00:37

I suspect you are fed up due to something else,

She is fed up because he has form for doing this. Bringing a baby into the mix isn't ideal.

Doubleespresso33 · 10/12/2023 01:04

Try not to stress OP. You’d till have 5ish weeks (unless you’re booked in to have baby early). I’m due to be induced in less then 7 days and have sent dh on a night out tonight so I could have some peace and quiet and the bed to myself he could let his hair down before baby is here (our third). I agree he should be contactable but if he’s drunk he would be useless anyway. Maybe get him to tone it down from 38weeks unless you have a reason baby will be here before then? But try not to stress x

Emeraldsanddiamonds · 10/12/2023 01:16

At this stage I showed some worrying signs. I got told to stay home that night because, depending on my blood tests, they might do a c-section that night. I'd had a textbook pregnancy before this. Your husband is no prize, is he. Hopefully, the baby takes after you.

MariaLuna · 10/12/2023 01:18

Yabu 35 weeks is not a big deal you have ages yet.

Well, mine popped out at 36 weeks...

I get it OP. I would feel anxious too.

MintJulia · 10/12/2023 01:24

If this is a first baby and you go into labour, you call the maternity unit, then call a cab. You know you can cope perfectly well with just the midwives for company.

If phone-off late night drinking is his norm, you need to get used to coping on your own. He won't change.

TrifleLayer · 10/12/2023 01:33

Well it is off isn’t it that you can’t contact him as so close to giving birth but its a big mistake to think men change.

As Einstein said

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

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