Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset regarding travelling and contact from “friends” at home?

43 replies

HannahBandanaaaa · 09/12/2023 07:13

I’ve been travelling for 3 months and will be until March. Since then I’ve barely heard from them. I don’t have a whole big group of friends but I have a few who I thought were very close.
I’ve been making an effort to text them and arrange catching up, but no one is responding. I also decided to delete instagram 2 months ago so I’m not on social media.

I texted my very best friend a few weeks ago. I had initiated the conversation a few times before this too. She took 3 days to respond but she said I hope I’m having an amazing time. I replied saying let’s FaceTime soon.
This was 2 weeks ago and she’s not even bothered to open the message.

I texted my other two friends a few times, didn’t always reply. I asked if they were both okay and I got nice messages back. Again, when I asked to catch up soon, neither of them replied. Both left me on read. This was over two weeks ago too.

I just feel so fed up. I know people are busy with their own lives but I’m always making an effort to reach out to them despite being busy and genuinely, this has made me feel like I have no actual friends.

I just feel so awful 😰

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 09/12/2023 07:17

Travelling is hard. You feel disconnected and a bit lonely at times even on the best trips.

I'd say try not to take friends' responses (or lack of) too much to heart while you're away. I keep being about to suggest writing them an actual letter but maybe that's so unusual now that it would freak them out!

Is there anyone - relative, travelling buddy - that you think will respond to you? Maybe focus on them.

Fulshaw · 09/12/2023 07:19

I think people just assume you’re off radar, having a brilliant time and they’ll pick up where you left off once you’re back. In fact, I’d be surprised to receive many messages from someone travelling.

Unabletomitigate · 09/12/2023 07:22

Do you want to catch up with them, or an audience for your adventures?
You are the one travelling, make the most of it, and you can reevaluate the freindships when you get back. Most freindships are highly situational and dont last when the situation changes.

BendingSpoons · 09/12/2023 07:23

Fulshaw · 09/12/2023 07:19

I think people just assume you’re off radar, having a brilliant time and they’ll pick up where you left off once you’re back. In fact, I’d be surprised to receive many messages from someone travelling.

Did your friendship normally involve Facetime before travelling? I would be a bit like the above post. I call my parents and my sister but I don't call friends. I message to arrange to meet in person. So I would have filed you as 'see in March' and be arranging to see other friends for now.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 09/12/2023 07:25

Unabletomitigate · 09/12/2023 07:22

Do you want to catch up with them, or an audience for your adventures?
You are the one travelling, make the most of it, and you can reevaluate the freindships when you get back. Most freindships are highly situational and dont last when the situation changes.

This. You seem to be putting your "I'm so busy 'travelling'" on a similar plain to their busy with work day to day life.
Are you actually travelling so backpack in Kuala Lumpur and Patagonia or on a holiday?

salamirose · 09/12/2023 07:27

Fulshaw · 09/12/2023 07:19

I think people just assume you’re off radar, having a brilliant time and they’ll pick up where you left off once you’re back. In fact, I’d be surprised to receive many messages from someone travelling.

This.

Also is your catch up going to just tell them all the wonderful things you've seen? That can get a little annoying to be on the receiving end of tbh. Most people just travel and then fill people in at the end

Highlyflavouredgravy · 09/12/2023 07:28

You have posted about this bunch of ' friends' several times. Just forget about them for now and concentrate on enjoying you here and now. Make new friends where you are and start enjoying where you are.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/12/2023 07:29

I think people just assume you’re off radar, having a brilliant time and they’ll pick up where you left off once you’re back. In fact, I’d be surprised to receive many messages from someone travelling.

Definitely. I'm in my 50s so 30 years ago when my mates went travelling, we all just accepted they went off radar for the duration (no email etc, phone calls were expensive so reserved for the travellee and their parents). We'd send letters post restante and hope they'd arrive. We'd maybe get a postcard back. I didn't have any contact with one friend for a year. He came back, we carried on where we'd left off.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 09/12/2023 07:33

You asked this before.

AnonyLonnymouse · 09/12/2023 07:38

It’s very contradictory to go off around the world but then be annoyed because you’re not getting enough attention or contact from friends at home.

Make friends along the way and then pick up these friendships when you get back.

TravelInHope · 09/12/2023 07:45

Ha! This resonates. I am doing the same, but a holiday rather than travelling. I can assure you that my friends have absolutely no interest in my activities - they are far too concerned with their day2day lives. But we will pick up again when I return next week. I don’t share photos while I’m away, because I don’t like to receive 50 photos of grinning couples on the beach with a coconut cocktail in their hand. Enjoy your trip. Where are you? I’m in Laos.

MassageForLife · 09/12/2023 07:49

People don't want to hear about your exciting adventures when they are still dealing with the mundane day to day. You might not feel like you are having an amazing time - but that's what they will think.

Even when you are back, most will only want the bare minimum. They want to know you've had a great time, and any funny stories - but they don't want all the details.

When I was travelling literally the only time I got in touch with friends was when I heard that my friends mum had died. At that point, I needed to get in touch so that he knew I was thinking of him - it was for his sake, not mine - it wasn't because I wanted to share what I was up to or I was feeling lonely or I was missing them.

If your friends need you, be there for them. Otherwise just make the most of your time away - you are wasting your opportunities if you are just thinking about how your friends are getting on.

flyingant · 09/12/2023 07:52

'Let's Facetime soon' is a vague statement that doesn't require a response. Have you tried suggesting an actual time and date to speak?

HesAWankerOp · 09/12/2023 07:55

I’d rather pull my eyelashes out one by one than face time with anyone. Just keep in touch with the odd message, March really isn’t that far away and then you can have a proper face to face catch up.

I can’t quite understand you deleting SM whilst you are away, that was my main way of keeping my family and friends in the loop when we were working abroad in various places for 18 months.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 09/12/2023 07:56

I’d hate this too and start avoiding you!
just crack on with enjoying your travels and see them when you get back.
FaceTimes are painful!

Seeline · 09/12/2023 07:56

How old are you and your friends?
How long have you been away?
Are you moving around a lot?
What's the time difference involved?

To be honest, with days to go before Christmas most people are far too busy to spend ages texting someone who has disappeared out of their lives for several months.

Ace56 · 09/12/2023 08:00

Why are you so focussed on your friends back home when you’re travelling? Part of the joy of travelling is disconnecting from ‘real life’ so go off an enjoy it!

I would find it a bit odd if a friend who I knew was travelling was frequently texting me. I’d assume maybe they weren’t having a very good time - is that the case OP?

margotrose · 09/12/2023 08:03

Stop messaging them and go and enjoy your travels! I find it odd that you're constantly trying to contact them all the time, to be quite honest.

AgnesX · 09/12/2023 08:03

Facetime...yuk. Share photos and keep the stories for when you get home.

Make the most of being away and having different experiences.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 09/12/2023 08:06

I’ve been making an effort to text them and arrange catching up

are these friends living where you're travelling or do you mean planning a catch up at home in 4 months?

balmysummerevening · 09/12/2023 08:11

People don't want to hear about your exciting adventures when they are still dealing with the mundane day to day. You might not feel like you are having an amazing time - but that's what they will think

Yeah, this. I would assume someone off travelling would be busy and not expecting me to contact them constantly. Also, with time zones etc, your expectations might be a little OTT. You have all the free time you want to face time, they have jobs and responsibilities at home. You don't appear to be considering that.

Bireadwhatiread · 09/12/2023 08:13

I would assume if you are travelling that you are busy/uncontactable and are texting me in a quiet moment. Don't take it personally

Mangotango39 · 09/12/2023 08:38

You need to be abit more assertive . 'Let's catch up soon' isnt really going to take you anywhere as it's not realy concrete and putting it all back on them when they don't know your schedule.

I say this as someone who travelled and now lives in another country with a big time difference but have maintained some good friendships for over 5 years.

You need to say, let's FaceTime and catch up, do any of these times suit? X y z

Giving options to lock in.

disappearingfish · 09/12/2023 09:54

I'm sure they are your friends but maybe they can't be bothered with all the texting. They're (presumably) dealing with jobs and families and general drudgery and you're having the adventure of a lifetime. I guess they think that you don't need any emotional support.

Get back on social media if you want a connection, otherwise just concentrate on having an amazing time.

10HailMarys · 09/12/2023 10:14

I would have assumed that the whole point of travelling was to step away from your life at home. I wouldn’t expect FaceTimes from friends who were backpacking round Peru or something. More than happy to look at their pics on social media; I’m genuinely interested to see what they’re up to and where they are. But I wouldn’t expect phone calls and catch-ups until they’re back at home.