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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset regarding travelling and contact from “friends” at home?

43 replies

HannahBandanaaaa · 09/12/2023 07:13

I’ve been travelling for 3 months and will be until March. Since then I’ve barely heard from them. I don’t have a whole big group of friends but I have a few who I thought were very close.
I’ve been making an effort to text them and arrange catching up, but no one is responding. I also decided to delete instagram 2 months ago so I’m not on social media.

I texted my very best friend a few weeks ago. I had initiated the conversation a few times before this too. She took 3 days to respond but she said I hope I’m having an amazing time. I replied saying let’s FaceTime soon.
This was 2 weeks ago and she’s not even bothered to open the message.

I texted my other two friends a few times, didn’t always reply. I asked if they were both okay and I got nice messages back. Again, when I asked to catch up soon, neither of them replied. Both left me on read. This was over two weeks ago too.

I just feel so fed up. I know people are busy with their own lives but I’m always making an effort to reach out to them despite being busy and genuinely, this has made me feel like I have no actual friends.

I just feel so awful 😰

OP posts:
greencheetah · 09/12/2023 10:19

I wouldn’t want to FaceTime anyone travelling either.

It’s grey and cold in UK right now. Nobody wants to see your suntanned smiling face and hear about the amazing waterfalls you visited and the amazing people you met.

Just meet them when you get back.

I don’t have social media, but it’s a bit rich to delete instagram and then complain it’s difficult to stay in touch when travelling!

Rewis · 09/12/2023 10:20

How was your relationship before? Did you facetious and text regularly?

kweeble · 09/12/2023 10:25

If you want an audience then set up Instagram and post there. I wouldn’t expect others to FaceTime if I was traveling and they’re back home leading normal busy lives.
If you are lonely traveling and also lonely at home then that’s possibly down to how you feel about yourself - I hope you can settle and enjoy your experience.

Topseyt123 · 09/12/2023 10:36

Just enjoy your travels and catch up when you get back.

Unless the person travelling was very close family (like my own DDs) then I wouldn't particularly want to bother with facetime either. I'd think it odd and perhaps a bit needy of them.

For me, when I go on holiday messages and phone calls are generally only to my daughters back home, plus I do call my elderly mother a few times to check in on her. That's it. We enjoy those, but I wouldn't usually bother sending to wider circles of people.

cheezncrackers · 09/12/2023 10:41

If someone was off travelling I honestly wouldn't be expecting to need to book Facetimes with them - I'd expect they were busy and having fun. And quite honestly, if I was stuck working and dealing with the British winter while my friend was off exploring fabulous, far-flung places for six months I'd maybe be a bit jealous and not really want to hear about all the fabulous things they were doing while I was scraping ice off my car, struggling to the supermarket in the rain, slogging round town trying to do the Christmas shopping, etc. People have their own lives OP - your post comes across as very 'Me, me, me'.

Prinnny · 09/12/2023 10:53

What’s the point in trying to arrange meet ups when you’re away for another 3 month?! Just enjoy your time travelling and contact them when you’re home and actually around to meet up.

moonlitnoir · 09/12/2023 18:21

cheezncrackers · 09/12/2023 10:41

If someone was off travelling I honestly wouldn't be expecting to need to book Facetimes with them - I'd expect they were busy and having fun. And quite honestly, if I was stuck working and dealing with the British winter while my friend was off exploring fabulous, far-flung places for six months I'd maybe be a bit jealous and not really want to hear about all the fabulous things they were doing while I was scraping ice off my car, struggling to the supermarket in the rain, slogging round town trying to do the Christmas shopping, etc. People have their own lives OP - your post comes across as very 'Me, me, me'.

Exactly this. I would be genuinely happy my friend was enjoying themselves but I really wouldn’t want to see them relaxing on a gorgeous beach every week whilst I was getting up at 6am in the cold and dark to slog to work every day. Sorry. But I really wouldn’t want that shoved in my face. In the same vein, I wouldn’t face time my friends who were financially struggling by showcasing all the stuff I just bought at the Versace/Dior/Harrods store that day. It’s a little insensitive and definitely a bit me me me I’m afraid.

Dutch1e · 09/12/2023 20:35

Wtf are you doing whining on Mumsnet while you travel?

I love whining on Mumsnet and I love travel but I really can't do those things at the same time.

I also can't be bothered slagging off my mates for not feeling enrapt with my boring (boring to them) travel stories.

Feck off outside and do something offline.

salamirose · 09/12/2023 20:46

If you're not enjoying the travelling come home?

UsingChangeofName · 09/12/2023 21:15

Have to agree with everyone else.

One of the youngsters in our family went travelling for 6 months, and set up a separate WhatsApp group which people could opt in to to see the photos, 'follow the adventure' .
I've known others do that for a special holiday....... used it as a 'diary' when they came back too.

Other people though - as has been said above - really don't want to have your wonderful holiday 'in their face' as they get on with their everyday lives in a grey, wet, WInter.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 09/12/2023 21:25

I also remember you talking about these friends and your travelling, weren’t they already a bit shit regarding something from before you went travelling? I can’t remember the details.

Anyway, it’s perfectly fine to drift away from friends and steer your life in a slightly different direction. You don’t have to cling onto them especially as you don’t think they are enthusiastic to hear from you.

Really engage with the travel, the different people and opinions you get to be with, let it broaden your mind a bit. Just because you’ve always thought certain things, or done certain things, you don’t have to remain the same person for your whole life.

Domino20 · 09/12/2023 22:36

This is at least your third post about this same set of friends. Seriously, you are travelling, get over them and make some new ones.

DinaofCloud9 · 09/12/2023 22:39

But you can't catch up if you're travelling? Are you planning on coming home early or do you mean let's catch up in March when I'm home?

Doggymummar · 09/12/2023 22:43

You were in secure with this group before you left. Don't let them ruin your trip. Phone off and make new connections.

RedToothBrush · 09/12/2023 22:46

Why aren't you making new friends whilst travelling?

Honestly travelling changes you and your priorities and people back home will move on with their lives. You are expecting time to stand still on this - it doesn't. You've entered another phrase in your life.

You should expect some of your old friendships to fade and come to a natural conclusion. Equally you have the opportunity to make new friendships.

So take them. Stop looking back. Enjoy the present and look to the future.

Bicorne · 09/12/2023 23:47

Are the you same poster who complained that her friends weren’t sufficiently excited when she announced she was going travelling, and weren’t dashing around throwing her leaving parties?

grumpycow1 · 09/12/2023 23:58

OP, I think you posted about this group before. It strikes me that maybe you have some MH issues or insecurity? If you really can’t just let go of this and just enjoy your trip, maybe you need to go home and seek some help from your GP. I don’t mean it in a harsh way, it’s just unusual to be this fixated on a group of people. I thought maybe it speaks more to what’s going on in your head. Travelling by yourself can amplify these feelings, so do get support if you can. And don’t seek it from people who don’t seem too bothered about you.

In your shoes though, I would really just try and make the most of your trip and make friends wherever possible.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 10/12/2023 01:10

Enjoy your travelling and arrange to catch up when you're back
You may meet friends on your travels too

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