Yr 6 prom and inclusivity

[Angelik]

I'd like to ensure my dd's y6 prom is as inclusive as possible. I'm happy to organise and run stuff. Prom organisers are set on a disco-fine but it's not for everyone. When I asked what we're doing for those with sensory issues or who just don't like loud music was told they could have ear defenders which I think is insufficient. One patent said SEN children shouldn't be forced to come by parents, implying that's the only reason they did come, that I should survey for sensory needs (!) and there are other fun things (a hoodie and a water fight on other day - this has got to be discrimination) for them, that they have joined in happily before (don't know how they would know) and we can't cater for everyone!

My feeling is disabled people shouldn't have to keep flagging their needs. Society should pause and think.

Aibu that the prom attitude is quite shit or am I making an issue out of nothing?

A disco is a dark room with loud music and coloured lights.
A break out room is a great idea for pupils who want to come but who might find it overwhelming.
But not every event ever needs to suit every child in the world. Everyone needs to be invited and you should make the event more accessible for anyone coming who might need adaptations, but I don’t understand why you think the disco committee needs to organize more things that aren’t a disco. It’s not a compulsory event.

And prom = disco surely? See also dance, social, party, ball. All variations on the same thing. Possibly some food, some fizzy drinks, music and space to dance, a chance to dress up and some pretty lights.

Make sure a "chill room" is set up and supervised during the disco. Lots of children will go there to get away from the loud music, and have a chat.

Make sure they keep hydrated, too

Also don’t make the music so loud you can feel the bass in your chest and you come away with ringing in your ears. There’s no need to actually hearing-loss inducing levels of sound.

I have sen kids and an end off year disco is fine, there doesn't need to be something else. One of mine wore earplugs and ear defenders to disco. You could create a chill out room with colouring and board games away from disco

A quiet room would work well, wouldn't it? With ear defenders, books, cushions, nice lighting.. In fact it sounds tremendous. If you're providing one of those, I'll come to the party myself!

The prom organisers are organising a prom. A disco. By all means identify ways to make that accessible e.g. ear defenders and, importantly, take the lead on implementing those ideas.

You can also lead on a seperate event that is designed with accessibility in mind. Perhaps set up and run parent team dedicated to SEN-focussed activities that might be accessible to just them or a wider invitation (id suggest parental or school engagement for advice on that)

I think the suggestion of a quiet "chill-out" room would be the best option.

Are you coming across as abit “holier than thou”? They are volunteers (possibly busy working parents) trying to do a nice thing for their kids then you pop up with your “suggestions” and to be fair you do describe the organisers as “shit”.

Are there particular children with issues you are aware of or is this a general thing to make you look kinder and more inclusive than the rest of them? I can see why your stance would make you pretty unpopular to be fair.

Quiet chill out room with one of those game tables in it.
school discos are usually very short, sweet affairs and even kids who aren’t in love with noise and lights manage to tolerate it for an hour or so.
DS would just refuse to go. He knows his own mind.
DN lasted 20 mins at his and requested he go home for pizza with cousins instead.
None of us particularly sociable 🤣

I think parents put quite a bit of pressure on children to take part in everything so that they can ‘make memories’ and don’t miss out. Teenagers are better at refusing to do stuff they don’t like. You couldn’t have made a prom inclusive to me as a child because I didn’t like big noisy events with lots of people.

Are there any actual children with sensory issues of the kind you describe in the relevant classes? Not every class has children like that in....but anyway, it's another 7 months until they leave year 6, so there's plenty of time to work something out.

You're not making an issue out of nothing. Of course the event should be as accessible and inclusive as possible.

But maybe they took your question as criticism rather than appreciation of the effort they're making?

And (maybe I'm wrong) you seem to have asked why arrangements they're making rather than suggesting xyz because you know that's what is needed by the children with additional needs to ensure they enjoy the prom.

I'd get feedback from teacher and then talk with the organisers to say you'd like to arrange [whatever] and how can you incorporate this into the overall project plan (budget, timings, risk assessment, staffing etc)

YABU

I work with SEN students who attend mainstream proms/discos all of the time.
We also have our own.

Percentage-wise more of our SEN students attend these than the mainstream kids do.

We also have water fights and all of the students either join in or have fun watching.

There are always ear defenders and a quite break out room but they’re very rarely used and a quieter area should be available for NT students too, as not everyone likes loud music all of the time.

As long as there is a quieter area/room then they should be fine.

I agree with a pp that you should talk to the teacher about how you can make the event inclusive as she will know the children and their needs best. Without talking to the teacher, you could be tying yourself in knots about “what ifs” that don’t exist and accidentally leaving people out because you don’t know what they need.

Quiet room / chilled out space is the big one. Also I'm sure you are anyway but avoid "prom queen/king", any weird looks-focused stuff, stuff that makes them feel like they need a partner or an opposite sex date. Maybe do a suggestions box - like "we'd like the prom to be as fun, welcoming and inclusive as possible! If you have a suggestion for how we can make sure the event is inclusive, please write it in here anonymously" (hardly anyone will do this but it's quite nice to ask)

First find out whether there is a need, and poll those parents/children who want something different what they would like. Would a silent disco be feasible, for children who might like to dance but can control the volume of the music and can do it in a room that doesn't have flashing lights or a crowd of others ?

Well, the very definition of a prom is a school event with dancing, so if you didn't have a disco or a band, it wouldn't actually be a prom. You definitely have to provide that.

However, if there are kids who can't handle loud noise or might want to get away then you need another room set up with beanbags/comfy seating and something less noisy to do - maybe some fun board games, table football, Giant Jenga, stuff like that?

For that age group, My DD’s school did two areas. One was a disco. The other was sports.

actually think there would have been great appeal to do a board game / chill out room as well, but I was not an active planner for medical reasons so I kept my mouth shut and just appreciated what the organizers accomplished.

for older years, they just have straight up dances. My DD’s social group is entirely made up of ND teens and they attend together. Her group doesn’t tend towards the sensory sensitive obviously or that would be impossible.

A silent disco requires hiring loads of headphones. A normal disco in the school hall has fairly minimal expenses. I can’t imagine that the PTA has money to burn…

A silent disco requires hiring loads of headphones. A normal disco in the school hall has fairly minimal expenses. I can’t imagine that the PTA has money to burn…

Cost varies some companies let you hire a very small number of headphones and if only a few children ere requiring it, it wouldn't be prohibitive, and you could have a fundraiser to offset the cost. Anyway it might not be suitable, its a just a suggestion that I thought might be helpful. Maybe the PTA wouldn;t consider spending money to help children with SEN enjoy the occasion 'burning money' I don't know the school so don;t know their attitude to inclusivity. But you go ahead and be rude to people trying to be helpful to the OP . Your suggetions all seem to be centred around 'discos are loud, OK give them a room they can go to out of the way but you can't cater to everyone'

A disco and a quiet room sound fine. You could make some photo props so the children can have some photos taken in the quiet room. If there’s food then that’s another quieter space.
I wouldn’t over think it.

This sounds good!

I know you're coming from a good and kind place here OP. But jesus, who would want to be a volunteer these days? No wonder stuff is being cancelled left, right and centre.

Not in the schools I’ve worked in it isnt. The OP wants to be inclusive - how will she ensure those children whose parents cannot afford to buy a hoody / ticket / party outfit are included? Proms are middle class events that really do exclude less well off families.