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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it just me, or are so many people so so pessimistic?

51 replies

VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 09:56

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that life is all wonderful and perfect. Crap happens. But when I come on here, it seems as if everything is gloom. People seeing life in the worst possible light, and always attributing the worst motives to people. I am thinking that part of it is being online and people venting, but it is a little overwhelming at times. In my life, I just don't encounter so much unpleasantness and I don't think that people are as meanspirited and venal as this forum would suggest.

YABU: Life is real, life is earnest. Stop being Pollyanna.

YANBU: People on here would complain that world peace would put arms manufacturers out of a job.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 08/12/2023 09:59

I think the opposite. I am a very pessimistic person...it's a family trait on my father's side. I find most people weirdly optimistic..I often wonder why they can't see how crap a lot of things actually are

Elfandwellbeing · 08/12/2023 10:00

yabu people come here to vent not celebrate and share good news

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:00

Comedycook · 08/12/2023 09:59

I think the opposite. I am a very pessimistic person...it's a family trait on my father's side. I find most people weirdly optimistic..I often wonder why they can't see how crap a lot of things actually are

My mother is like you. It drives me nuts. My father was the optimist, he would not tolerate negative thinking and I'm the same way. I actually find it helps me in life, because life is to an extent what you make it.

OP posts:
Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:02

Elfandwellbeing · 08/12/2023 10:00

yabu people come here to vent not celebrate and share good news

I think that's maybe what it is, yes. It has seemed super skewed of late (all these 'most men are pedophiles' threads!) Perhaps it's the winter, who knows.

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lartghy421 · 08/12/2023 10:23

I'm similar to you. A positive attitude really helps. We have had some terrible things thrown at us over the last few years but we keep going with a smile. Most people I know who are very negative often have very little to be negative about (at least in my experience anyway)

EmpressSoleil · 08/12/2023 10:26

I'm very optimistic. Even when something bad happens I generally have the attitude of it could have been worse, so am thankful it wasn't. I wasn't always that way but as I got older I saw that, generally speaking, most things did just work themselves out. However, I don't find it to just be online. I also have a lot of pessimistic people in my life! I just think life is happier when you're optimistic.

ManateeFair · 08/12/2023 10:30

It's not that people are particularly pessimistic, it's just that you're choosing to spend your time on a discussion forum which is for the specific purpose of discussing problems and unreasonable behaviour, so of course it's going to paint a negative picture. You're not getting a rounded portrayal of people's lives or views, really.

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:34

EmpressSoleil · 08/12/2023 10:26

I'm very optimistic. Even when something bad happens I generally have the attitude of it could have been worse, so am thankful it wasn't. I wasn't always that way but as I got older I saw that, generally speaking, most things did just work themselves out. However, I don't find it to just be online. I also have a lot of pessimistic people in my life! I just think life is happier when you're optimistic.

I'm the very same, and I totally agree with you. I think that if you are optimistic that things will come right, they will. Also, if you always think the worst, it doesn't matter if the worst happens or not, as that negativity will poison your whole attitude to life and make you miserable. Obviously, death and taxes are inevitable, but life is to a large extent what you make it.

OP posts:
TheCompactPussycat · 08/12/2023 10:35

I'm a pretty optimistic person.

But posts about happy things on forums like Mumsnet don't really capture people's attention so it doesn't really represent the country as a whole.

Desecratedcoconut · 08/12/2023 10:36

This forum wasn't always awash with people who seek out the misery in any situation and who scan the horizon for opportunities to play the victim.

But, on the upside, now you can hide entire boards now so I'd utilize that function liberally if you are getting value out out of the more moderate and upbeat boards.

TheThingIsYeah · 08/12/2023 10:37

To some people the glass of milk is half full. To others it's half empty, in my case it doesn't matter, the milk is sour anyway.

I'm naturally very pessimistic. I don't think I was like this when I was younger, but maybe "lived experience" (shudder) took over. So whereas I was quite optimistic but only to be disappointed by events or let down by people, nowadays I'm pessimistic, and if something unexpectedly good happens it's a bonus. That's how I deal with it anyway.

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:38

TheCompactPussycat · 08/12/2023 10:35

I'm a pretty optimistic person.

But posts about happy things on forums like Mumsnet don't really capture people's attention so it doesn't really represent the country as a whole.

This is a good point. It seems as well that as soon as someone posts something about a bad situation, a million other people also rush in to vent about their own bad situation. It's why I wouldn't post on here if I had a problem. I don't find it comforting to hear 'I'm in the same situation, it's shit, isn't it'. Obviously it is, I don't need you (general) to tell me that! I posted for advice/cheerleading, not to hear a bunch of Job's comforters.

OP posts:
Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:40

Desecratedcoconut · 08/12/2023 10:36

This forum wasn't always awash with people who seek out the misery in any situation and who scan the horizon for opportunities to play the victim.

But, on the upside, now you can hide entire boards now so I'd utilize that function liberally if you are getting value out out of the more moderate and upbeat boards.

who scan the horizon for opportunities to play the victim.

OMG this is the one. This is exactly what bugs me about a lot of people on this forum. They absolutely revel in playing the victim and it is SO BORING.

OP posts:
Catza · 08/12/2023 12:55

In our house MN is affectionately called "the toxic waste dump"
I go on here to remind myself how lucky I am no never have encountered so many angry women IRL

NoCloudsAllowed · 08/12/2023 12:56

People are so pessimistic, and it's a problem that's getting worse and worse

Desecratedcoconut · 08/12/2023 13:49

NoCloudsAllowed · 08/12/2023 12:56

People are so pessimistic, and it's a problem that's getting worse and worse

😁

Dotjones · 08/12/2023 13:53

An optimist is usually deluded. The world is shit, for someone not to realise that they must either be quite stupid or they must be so self-centred they don't give a damn what other people experience just as long as they themselves ok.

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 13:56

Dotjones · 08/12/2023 13:53

An optimist is usually deluded. The world is shit, for someone not to realise that they must either be quite stupid or they must be so self-centred they don't give a damn what other people experience just as long as they themselves ok.

Good lord, who pissed in your cornflakes!? I'm sorry but that just isn't true. It certainly isn't true for most people who live in the UK. If you think 'the world is shit' what are you doing to make it better?

OP posts:
Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 13:57

Catza · 08/12/2023 12:55

In our house MN is affectionately called "the toxic waste dump"
I go on here to remind myself how lucky I am no never have encountered so many angry women IRL

There do seem to be a lot of angry women, it's true. Most of them seem to hate men and think that the UK is a dumpster fire. It gives me secondhand misery just reading their posts.

OP posts:
Pillboxer · 08/12/2023 14:03

I think you might be the problem, OP. Be as personally optimistic or pessimistic as you like, but don’t require other people to shore up your personal philosophy, or suggest that it makes the slightest difference to outcomes. You seem weirdly outraged by other people’s pessimism. Why?

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 14:07

Pillboxer · 08/12/2023 14:03

I think you might be the problem, OP. Be as personally optimistic or pessimistic as you like, but don’t require other people to shore up your personal philosophy, or suggest that it makes the slightest difference to outcomes. You seem weirdly outraged by other people’s pessimism. Why?

Because pessimistic people (or at least those who can't keep their pessimism to themselves) are a massive downer to be around. If you (general) are the sort of person who always sees the negative side and is always moaning, you are not pleasant to be around. I'm not talking about when someone has a genuine issue or problem: oddly enough, though, pessimists don't tend to talk about those so much. It is either moaning on endlessly about the government and perceived social ills, or being paranoid about Covid years after the fact, or some other made up bullshit. I have had to end friendships with people because they are such Debbie Downers.

OP posts:
SpudleyLass · 08/12/2023 14:10

I mean the UK is currently a dumpster fire. Look at the slashing of budgets to essential services and then you might start to realise why so many people are pissed off.

Try as I may sometimes, I'm just not fortunate enough to be able to stick my head in the sand.

Is it people looking to "play the victim" or actually is it that the UK is increasingly becoming more and more the playground for the rich?

And don't forget about dwindling mental health provision in this country - that is going to be having quite the impact currently.

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 14:13

SpudleyLass · 08/12/2023 14:10

I mean the UK is currently a dumpster fire. Look at the slashing of budgets to essential services and then you might start to realise why so many people are pissed off.

Try as I may sometimes, I'm just not fortunate enough to be able to stick my head in the sand.

Is it people looking to "play the victim" or actually is it that the UK is increasingly becoming more and more the playground for the rich?

And don't forget about dwindling mental health provision in this country - that is going to be having quite the impact currently.

I suppose it depends on where you live. I am middle income and I don't think that things are quite as bad as people make out. I do agree it can be a bit of a postcode lottery. I do also wonder as well sometimes why people have a large number of children and then complain when that costs money.

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 14:15

VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 10:00

My mother is like you. It drives me nuts. My father was the optimist, he would not tolerate negative thinking and I'm the same way. I actually find it helps me in life, because life is to an extent what you make it.

Show quote history

Read up on toxic positivity.

'Life is what you make it' is such a simplistic approach. Sometimes life is really rather tough.

Realism and acceptance are a good thing to aim for.

Original poster
VanityDiesHard · 08/12/2023 14:17

SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 14:15

Read up on toxic positivity.

'Life is what you make it' is such a simplistic approach. Sometimes life is really rather tough.

Realism and acceptance are a good thing to aim for.

Show quote history

Yeah 'toxic positivity' is something that is spouted by people who complain all the time, at least in my experience. It is usually used by people who trauma dump a lot and whose friends and family are probably at the end of their rope listening to them.

OP posts: