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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

These bad parenting choices

64 replies

Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 06:37

I've known this couple for a few years and our children go to the same school. I totally understand people parent differently but some of their choices have had me shocked.

The other week a few of us went over to theirs and the mum hosted us ladies for a get together and some drinks. They have a large summer house quite far from their main house and it is slightly cut off by hedges etc. Anyway all was fine. The dad then joins us as I assume he's put the children to bed. He begins drinking. So both parents are in the summer house drinking and can't hear or see really the main house. One of their children had been extremely poorly that week, whereby they had to have strong medication. This was 3 days previous. So I was pretty shocked to see the dad join us.

During this night also I found out that they have large parties with various random people attending whilst their children are in the house. They said that they dabble in drugs and so do others. She was telling a story that one time her DC came down as they were hungry and she was off her face so had to get her husband to sort it out and send their child back to bed. I mean wtf! Their children are lower primary age.

Aibu to be very concerned about this......

OP posts:

Original poster

Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 07:27

Or am I over reacting and should mind my business?

OP posts:

jemenfous37 · 08/12/2023 07:27

What do you plan to do if we all come back and say no, yanbu?

Catza · 08/12/2023 07:34

Well, yes and no.
In the first instance the child was not ill the same night but three days previously and, as you say, kids were in bed. How long would you leave between children being ill and being able to leave them to sleep for a few hours?
In the second scenario, what do you mean by random people? They have strangers from the street join them or do they have other friends you don't know? Because their other acquaintances are not "random people". Also sounds like one of the parents was sober at the time.
I wouldn't be happy to take drugs with children in the house, no. But equally, you use biased language in your post which will make objective judgement difficult for me.

Maray1967 · 08/12/2023 07:44

Given how you’ve described the distance of the summer house from the main house as well as the drug use, personally I would not hesitate to call social services but I would also have told her myself that I am extremely concerned. I would never go there again and my child would not be going to their house as I have zero tolerance of drug use. I obviously can’t be certain that my DC have never been to a house where parents use drugs but then again I’ve never been in one where the parents are open about using drugs. I would have no problem about getting up, thanking her for the evening but explaining that I don’t tolerate drug use, and leaving.

shepherdsangeldelight · 08/12/2023 07:44

Merryandbright1170 · 08/12/2023 07:27

Or am I over reacting and should mind my business?

If everyone tells you that you are not overreacting (which I doubt will happen) what are you planning to do? And, if you are seriously worried for the children, why haven't you done it already? I can't imagine social services being that interested that parents sometimes have a drink at night in their garden or have parties. If their children are exposed to drink and drugs regularly (no indication that this is the case) it might be different.

I'm afraid your post sounds rather like you want lots of people to say "how dreadful" and pat you on the back.

SavBlancTonight · 08/12/2023 07:47

Yes you are over reacting. But don't worry, lots of.people will agree with you.

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2023 07:52

It's crap parenting but sadly won't meet level of neglect for ss.

LolaSmiles · 08/12/2023 07:52

It's unacceptable for parents to be outside the house that far away from the children and the drugs are a problem.

This is MN though, so for every sensible person who thinks this is an issue, you'll have another who thinks you should mind your own business because it's totally normal to leave your children unattended to drink alcohol and do drugs.

everybluesock · 08/12/2023 07:56

You're overreacting.

Willowview · 08/12/2023 08:07

IMO it makes no difference that the parents are in the summer house, the physical proximity is irrelevant.

The problem to me is the level of emotional unavailability, it is totally unacceptable.

The days after, when the children are still not a priority due to the come down, so affecting the children on the daily.

It's scary for a child to be around a parent when the lights are on but no one is home, and they likely will not feel safe. Horrendous.

I don't think involving SS will have any consequences, but it will go on record and maybe give the parents a wake up call.

CuteOrangeElephant · 08/12/2023 08:10

What drugs do they dabble in? It's a whole different kettle of fish to occasionally smoke some pot than it is to have wild parties with cocaine involved.

everybluesock · 08/12/2023 08:14

I agree it totally depends on the drugs. Some would say that a spliff or small edible isn't as bad as a bottle of wine.

Willowview · 08/12/2023 08:22

CuteOrangeElephant · 08/12/2023 08:10

What drugs do they dabble in? It's a whole different kettle of fish to occasionally smoke some pot than it is to have wild parties with cocaine involved.

Also totally agree with this, I'm afraid I presumed because of the concerns that the level of alcohol and drug used was worryingly high.

10HailMarys · 08/12/2023 08:25

I don’t think it’s anything even close to neglect for primary age children to be asleep in the house while you’re in a summer house in the garden. They’re not toddlers.

I personally wouldn’t ’dabble in drugs’ but from the anecdote you’ve related, one parent was sober and capable. It’s not ideal but it’s also not a social services matter by any stretch.

Spinet · 08/12/2023 08:26

I came on to say stop being judgy. But actually I would judge them too.

SD1978 · 08/12/2023 08:27

So what are you going to do about it?

PuttingDownRoots · 08/12/2023 08:29

No 0ne can comment fairly on the summerhouse as none of us can see the actual set up. Plenty of people are in there gardens when kids are asleep. I had a friend in a massive house (8 bedrooms)... she was often far from her children just in a different room!

Drugs... if they are using around the kids or leaving them where the kids could access them this is a concern.

TheaBrandt · 08/12/2023 08:41

You sound very different maybe don’t accept any more invites.

CalistoNoSolo · 08/12/2023 08:46

They'll be doing coke. There are loads of parents like that around here. They all buy fair trade and support amnesty and still shove loads of coke up their snouts. Fuckwits.

lollo8 · 08/12/2023 08:53

Well you say your kids go to the same school, so how are their kids? Do they seem happy, well-fed, clean?

Parents were probably showing off a bit too.

I would not be reporting them.

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 08/12/2023 08:57

Hmm there's a out 3 different safeguarding issues there.
I would report, but I think if we have any concerns at all we should always report

Newsenmum · 08/12/2023 09:07

And again my mind boggles that some people think this is acceptable. I’m sorry op I’d probably keep my distance from them. They’re not the kind of people I’d want to mix with.

Newsenmum · 08/12/2023 09:07

CalistoNoSolo · 08/12/2023 08:46

They'll be doing coke. There are loads of parents like that around here. They all buy fair trade and support amnesty and still shove loads of coke up their snouts. Fuckwits.

yuck.

Newsenmum · 08/12/2023 09:08

CalistoNoSolo · 08/12/2023 08:46

They'll be doing coke. There are loads of parents like that around here. They all buy fair trade and support amnesty and still shove loads of coke up their snouts. Fuckwits.

Where do you live? Honestly blows my mind and they’ll get away with it because they’re rich basically.

Catza · 08/12/2023 09:11

It's unacceptable for parents to be outside the house that far away from the children
@LolaSmiles

But we don't know how far away the summer house actually is. It could be that the school parents live on a 10 acre country estate or, more likely, the summer house is just at the end of their garden.

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