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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out so often??

60 replies

LG123 · 07/12/2023 21:18

Either my mum sits or I have a regular babysitter who I've used for 2 years.

I tend to go out twice a week, I'm a lone parent with no father involvement to 2 children.

Both a usually in bed by the time I go out (not all) but everyone that sees me seems to think I should be at home 24 fecking 7 and I'm sick to the back teeth of the judgy comments and opinions - ARE YOU LOOKING AFTER MY CHILDREN? NO! SO KEEP YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS TO YOURSELF AND MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.

OP posts:
TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 08/12/2023 07:00

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2023 22:11

Agree it's a mixture of martyrdom and jealousy.

Oh I'd never go out and leave my children alone (with a safe adult) because I like to stare at them whilst they sleep or sit contemplatively down stairs thinking only of them and what sacrifice I can make to show my love!!!

OR

I never get a night off, why do you get so many when they're Dad isn't even around! How dare you get so much love and support off people!!

😂there is a lot of truth in this.

43ontherocksporfavor · 08/12/2023 07:03

If they are in bed and your mum is genuinely happy to regularly sit then I don’t see a problem.

Lucytheloose · 08/12/2023 07:04

Tell your critics there was a shortage of staff when you gave birth, so you missed out on the compulsory post-natal lobotomy.

lucya66 · 08/12/2023 07:05

I remember my single mum going out regularly, drinking. I used to wait until she got home before I could fall asleep.

fuckssaaaaake · 08/12/2023 07:14

I'm out once or twice a week. Dad at home, he goes probably once a month as he's not as social as I am. Kids always asleep and it's the only way I'll see the other people I love as work loooong hours . Also it's fun

Riverstep · 08/12/2023 07:15

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2023 22:08

But they're mostly in bed. What quality time is she getting sat downstairs whilst they sleep?

Show quote history

When our children reached school age, they had later nights at weekends and we had movie nights etc. Time together. Not saying that any parent should never go out anywhere - I actually think having child free time is really important. But if a parent was going out every Friday and Saturday night, yes I would wonder why.

PixiePirate · 08/12/2023 07:15

If you were a man people would think you’re amazing and deserve to let off steam. A woman’s place is in the wrong and all that.

You’re leaving your children with a family member that you trust and that loves your children. Good parenting isn’t about martyrdom - modelling self-care is important alongside all the other bits. Good on you.

fuckssaaaaake · 08/12/2023 07:18

lucya66 · 08/12/2023 07:05

I remember my single mum going out regularly, drinking. I used to wait until she got home before I could fall asleep.

Hers fall asleep first (mostly) keep up dear!

Landaf · 08/12/2023 07:52

I have never been out since I had my DC, and actually for a long time before that. What surprises me is how many people think this is okay. There is a real culture of martyrdom around motherhood.

Being stuck at home with DC has left me with poor social skills and cognitive decline. My DC are far too old to need a babysitter now but I've nobody to go out with. A couple of years ago I ended up with a situation where one child had a scheduled appointment in one hospital and one was in A&E in a completely different area and I had literally nobody I could ask to help out. I know on mumsnet nobody ever asks for help and manages just fine but in reality land that isn't the case.

It is vItal that you build and maintain your support networks. You do this by seeing people. There's a strong undertone that you are not supposed to enjoy life once you have children. I know I have been a total misery guts since I have had mine and it has had a negative effect on them.

It is important as your children get older that they can see you as a human being with a life of your own. It will help them to value you as a person and not their servant. It will help them not to be selfish.

And all these caveats like yes, its fine for you to go out occasionally as long as you don't get blind drunk. Why do people need to say that? Its the assumption that if you want to go out at all there must be more to it.

You often see on here disbelief when a poster says they have no friends or family, nobody at all. Yet this is how it happens.

Being a lone parent is so isolating, especially if you are younger. Ask why people want you to be more isolated.

DGPP · 08/12/2023 07:57

I go out twice a week. My kids are great. The idea that there’s anything wrong with going out of your kids are cared for is ludicrous

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