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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put 4 and a half month old to sleep alone?

105 replies

Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 20:24

I know the official advice is to keep them with you until they are 6 months. But DD does sleep with me but she goes to sleep at 7. Until recently we had her in the lounge with us but we kept her up talking and with the TV. So she’s in the bedside cot upstairs. It’s OK right … <goes to check again>

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 07/12/2023 21:27

Mumofoneandone · 07/12/2023 21:23

Do you have a pram or similar that she could sleep in downstairs in another room in the evening and than transfer when you go to bed.

How is this any different to her sleeping upstairs?

Original poster
Giddyupballoon · 07/12/2023 21:28

@SecondUsername4me

Apart from having the potential to be dangerous if ds woke up and did something daft like try to climb in the cot - I don’t think he would but it’s possible - it would also disturb both children when we went in to get her.

Anyway it is quite nice to have an early night Smile

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 07/12/2023 21:29

I read the SIDS advice in detail. The peak time for SIDS is 2-4m. I moved DD into her own room at 5m as I wasn't sleeping with her in the room. I decided that everything else was 'right' e.g. I was breastfeeding, she was full term, empty cot etc.

DS we co-slept but I left him alone in the cot at the start of the night for about 1 hour from around 4m. I would then co-sleep from first wake up. (Usually around 9/10pm so I would just go to bed then).

TheSmallAssassin · 07/12/2023 21:32

Why hasn't some bright spark invented something that just plays the sound of rhythmic breathing while babies sleep, or would that not work in the same way? It could even be a recording of the sleeping breathing patterns of the parents.

SecondUsername4me · 07/12/2023 21:34

TheSmallAssassin · 07/12/2023 21:32

Why hasn't some bright spark invented something that just plays the sound of rhythmic breathing while babies sleep, or would that not work in the same way? It could even be a recording of the sleeping breathing patterns of the parents.

Presumably because the point of people buying it would be SIDS prevention, but there's no way for the inventor to trial whether it works.

Litigious minefield.

Paddleboarder · 07/12/2023 21:35

Do what works for you. We had a monitor, not a video one as I’m not sure they were a thing then. And then popped up at various intervals, but we could hear their breathing on the monitor anyway.

TheSmallAssassin · 07/12/2023 21:37

Yes, I see what you mean @SecondUsername4me .

But the breathing monitors must have been tested somehow?

Whatsinthebag2 · 07/12/2023 21:37

I don't think it's actually proven that it's because they regulate their breathing . It's just a theory.

Missingmybabysomuch · 07/12/2023 21:45

Really it comes down to one thing - are you comfortable leaving her?
Personally, I don't. My DD is 6 months and I stay with her for all naps and sleeps. (And yes I do have another DC and a house to run!) But for me, it is how I feel comfortable.

When I had my 1st DD my mum said she would only give me one piece of advice which was to always follow my gut and do what I felt was right. Don't be led or influenced or coerced by others because ultimately it is you who has to live with the consequences of whatever choice you make. So if something bad was to happen, you have to still feel that you did the right thing with the information you had. As long as u can feel happy that on balance, you're making the right choice for you, that is what matters.

showmethegin · 07/12/2023 21:48

We had the exactly the same thing at exactly the same age. Yes it was annoying. I didn't want to go and lie in bed in the dark at 7:30 and neither did DP so we took it in turns. One did some chores and the other just chilled in bed with the kindle. Before we knew it he was 6 months and we switched to using a video monitor.

Everyone is different but the guidelines are there for a reason. There's loads of things in parenting that are a pain in the arse but you do them because it's good for your kid, I just accepted this as one of them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/12/2023 21:49

Whatsinthebag2 · 07/12/2023 21:37

I don't think it's actually proven that it's because they regulate their breathing . It's just a theory.

That's right, it's just a theory.

It is known that the SIDS risk is reduced when a baby under 6 months sleeps in a room with a parent but the reason why is unknown.

Savagecabbage101 · 07/12/2023 21:52

We moved our daughter at a similar age, we were disturbing her sleep and all her little noises were disturbing us… She is and was a really good little sleeper!

snackatack · 07/12/2023 21:54

I think SIDS is more likely to occur very early in the morning, so it is lower risk when you are suggesting your LO is asleep potentially alone.

ActDottie · 07/12/2023 22:00

Absolutely fine.

My mum said she never had me or my brother in their room past 3/4 months. There was no 6 month guidance then and all the babies turned out fine!

I also have a friend who’s just had a baby l, she’s a norland nanny and knows her stuff, and her baby was in her own room from 3.5 months.

So just do what works for you.

CurlewKate · 07/12/2023 22:08

"You’re fine. This mystifies most of us who had our DC 20 years ago. It is utterly impractical to lie in your bedroom every evening when you have other children and a house to run."

Does it? I had mine 25 and 22 years ago-and they slept in the same room as me until
at least 6 months- usually the living room. But SIDS was a much "closer" fear then.

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 07/12/2023 22:11

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2023 20:32

I did.

Show quote history

I did too. DH would just bring me food / drinks and put toddler to bed when it was second ds.
But had something bad happened, I would never have forgiven myself for the sake of 6 months. Personal thing.

ShirleyPhallus · 07/12/2023 22:11

The guidelines are there to reduce the risk of SIDS. But breastfeeding also reduces the risk of SIDS and no one comes along to berate formula using parents for that reason

We did it, from about 3 months. A few hours with popping in every so often before you go to bed is fine

aubergineman · 07/12/2023 22:12

We moved DD into her own room at 4.5 months, and had her sleeping upstairs alone in the evening (with a video monitor) from 4 months.

We felt comfortable doing this because the SIDS risk dramatically decreases after 4 months, when their sleep changes from the newborn type to a normal adult style sleep pattern. The book Cribsheet has some good, evidence based information on this.

OdeToBarney · 07/12/2023 22:13

ShirleyPhallus · 07/12/2023 22:11

The guidelines are there to reduce the risk of SIDS. But breastfeeding also reduces the risk of SIDS and no one comes along to berate formula using parents for that reason

We did it, from about 3 months. A few hours with popping in every so often before you go to bed is fine

Because not everyone can breastfeed. But everyone can share a room with a <6 month old while they sleep.

OP maybe get a breathing monitor like the owlet if that would make you more comfortable?

TheSpruce · 07/12/2023 22:18

@Whatsinthebag2 exactly. This stupid theory gets repeated on here all the time as fact.

Logically, it makes no bloody sense. Often there's more than one person in the room. In our case the dog asleep on the floor too... So the baby would hyperventilate, surely, by matching all this random 'breathing'...

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 07/12/2023 22:19

I was

ShirleyPhallus · 07/12/2023 22:25

OdeToBarney · 07/12/2023 22:13

Because not everyone can breastfeed. But everyone can share a room with a <6 month old while they sleep.

OP maybe get a breathing monitor like the owlet if that would make you more comfortable?

Show quote history

The only people to use formula aren’t people who cannot breastfeed. Some people just choose to use it, which is their right.

My point is that you take the risks and make the decisions that are right for you. The things that make the biggest difference are putting the baby down to sleep on their back and not having a smoking household. Otherwise it’s all pretty negligible.

I always wondered about pram walks too - the baby presumably cannot feel / hear you breathing

DoIReallyNeedToDoThis · 07/12/2023 22:28

TheSmallAssassin · 07/12/2023 21:32

Why hasn't some bright spark invented something that just plays the sound of rhythmic breathing while babies sleep, or would that not work in the same way? It could even be a recording of the sleeping breathing patterns of the parents.

I think there is something to do with the exhalation of carbon dioxide as well which would get a bit dangerous really.

Calmdown14 · 07/12/2023 22:29

I found the baby monitor amplified the noise of them sleeping better than being next to them.

I also find the advice slightly insulting to anyone unfortunate enough to have lost a baby to SIDS. Even sleeping right next to them I don't think I would wake because I couldn't hear anything - and certainly not as a knackered new mum. It implies you can do something when in reality, it's sadly unlikely to be the case

Globules · 07/12/2023 22:35

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/12/2023 21:49

That's right, it's just a theory.

It is known that the SIDS risk is reduced when a baby under 6 months sleeps in a room with a parent but the reason why is unknown.

Show quote history

So it could be because a room with more humans in is likely to be warmer? Or more noisy?