To put 4 and a half month old to sleep alone?

[Giddyupballoon]

I know the official advice is to keep them with you until they are 6 months. But DD does sleep with me but she goes to sleep at 7. Until recently we had her in the lounge with us but we kept her up talking and with the TV. So she’s in the bedside cot upstairs. It’s OK right … <goes to check again>

We put our baby in her room at around this age, possibly even earlier. I found we were disturbing her/ waking her up.

We don't have a video monitor as I don't really want to be watching it all the time. We have a sound monitor, but only use overnight (bought for when our daughter was younger as we couldn't hear her when she woke overnight). She's now 14 months.

I would do what works for you.

She won’t be going in her own room for a good while but it’s just that funny spot in the evenings where it’s too early for an adult bedtime but she needs to sleep but we keep her up. I don’t mind going to bed early sometimes but it’s a pain every night.

For me, no, I spent all sleeps in the same room as mine. That's day time and night time.
BUT it's up to you to weigh up the likelihood of risk with practicalities of actual life.

I did keep them with me for the six months because I read that basically the sound of your breathing reminds them to breathe. Might be bollocks but I wasn't going to risk it once that idea was in my head. The telly didn't seem to keep mine awake though tbh- DH and I just had them in the SleepyHead/Moses basket with us downstairs or we watched TV upstairs with them asleep in their crib.

I did. In fact much longer than 6 months…

In your room, or you supervised all naps? I’m all for being sensible and if you want to have a lie down with the baby rather than getting on with stuff I think that’s fine but equally I don’t think anxiously hovering over a nine month old napping equates to amazing parenting.

Having your nine month old napping in the same room as you is perfectly fine if you want to, and normal, no need for snips about who is doing amazing parenting etc.

That link literally says "the safest place for your baby to sleep for the first six months is on its back in its cot in the same room as you"

Yes, it goes on to say how you can "safely" co sleep. But at every point it can, it reinforces the point that the safest way for baby to sleep is in their own bed.

There is a need because it’s bonkers.

There is a huge difference between

I am enjoying the cuddles and so I’ll lie with my nine month old and chill for a bit - fine.

and

I never let mine nap unsupervised even long after the recommended six months because of … what?

I am very much in favour of doing what you want, but I think it’s pointless having a who is most dedicated competition over unspecified worries about naps. The official advice is six months, I’m trying to combine common sense with practicality.

Yeah I absolutely think you should combine advice with practicality. For me, that meant all sleeps to 6 months with me in the room, as we have lost babies in the family to sids.
But my youngest is 1 now and I still cuddle him to sleep in the day time if I want to. I don't think that is bonkers and I don't think it's fair to make women feel bad or stupid if they do want to share the room with their babies as they nap. I don't see why it matters.

@SecondUsername4me

I do agree - and I have co slept on occasion, sometimes planned, sometimes not. Obviously the not planned a lot more dangerous.

I suppose it shows how we all pick and choose a bit, I certainly do which is why it’s daft I am fretting over this one. She’s in my room more for laziness really as if she does wake I don’t have to get out of bed! We should all try to follow the safe sleep guidelines but the problem is if you follow it to the letter a lot of babies just don’t sleep which means you don’t sleep which is often more dangerous as then you nod off holding them etc.

She doesn’t seem any the worse for spending an hour or so on her own. I suppose she is older - wouldn’t do it for a newborn but newborns do tend to sleep anywhere in a way older babies don’t!

Yes, same here. Regular checking and monitor on. Surely the crucial SIDS issues are feet to foot, sleeping on their back, no cot bumpers, no smoking in the house, not over heating.

You’re the parent so you have to decide on balance which is best for your family. You know the medical advice and they’re past 4 months mark which means the risk is lower but SIDS is more likely in winter. Only you can decide what’s right for the next few weeks. Parenting is a big list of decisions.

I did with mine from 3 months and I'm happy with my risk assessment. The risk is already small and I made sure to follow the guidelines where studies have shown it has made a huge difference such as baby always put on back to sleep in an empty cot.

It's a personal decision.

Why not keep her asleep downstairs until you go to bed?
Better all round that way, safety wise and because she'll get used to sleeping through noise and being carried up to bed asleep rather than becoming a baby that needs silence to stay asleep.

The past is another country and all that.

Before the guidance on avoiding SIDS, there were more deaths from SIDS.

Globules my DS was the same ... own room, door closed at 7pm ... I do think a lot of babies just don't sleep because they are constantly fussed over, cuddled and/or fed to sleep, not allowed to self soothe etc ... maybe it was just luck but my DS was a brilliant sleeper from birth.

Mine would nap anywhere, any noise during the day. But by about 2/3mo, come 7pm They wanted dark and quiet. Any noise and light at that time was over stimulating.

Do you have a pram or similar that she could sleep in downstairs in another room in the evening and than transfer when you go to bed.

Both my children slept in the same room as me until about 7 months. We kept them napping on us in the evening and in the day slept in a Moses basket or travel cot in the living room in the day.

It worked for us, we were more aware of SIDS due to someone close to us losing their baby.

You've got to do what's right for you as with all decisions. I think it's unfair to snipe at people who make different choices. Your parenting choices won't always be better than others, just different and that's fine. You can do what you feel is best without being an arse to others.

@OpenLanes because we keep her up - I’m not wanting to sound difficult but I do say this in my opening post.

@Whatsinthebag2 i am of course very sorry for your loss. Equally though and this is a general point and not one aimed at you so much as a theme that is running through this thread - anxiety isn’t proof of love. Letting a healthy child of six months plus (so older than the NHS recommendation) sleep while you spend time with older children, do chores or whatever doesn’t suggest lack of adoration of that child.

You don’t need to go to bed at 7pm- no need for the dramatics

we had a Moses bed in the living room, the canopy all the way up, lights dimmed and volume a bit lower. No issue. Carried her to bed when it’s time to go up.

the advice is to have shared sleep until 6 months to regulate their BREATHING

well done to all of those whose babies did not forget to breathe and were fine- but the advice is there for a reason. Lots of babies needed an adult to help sustain their breathing whilst sleeping and an adult wasn’t there

not a risk I’d want to take tbh

I wish mine napped anywhere during the day 😆

Tbf op, you could always put a travel cot into DS room and put her in there once DS is asleep. Then lift her when you go up.

That way she gets the breathing sounds.

no need for the dramatics

We clearly have different tastes in dramas, as I don’t see my post being a box office hit any time soon. But perhaps at MN cinema it would be. Who knows.