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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she did this on purpose

80 replies

Daisydupe · 07/12/2023 19:07

Went to Christmas fayre. There was balloons to have your photos done. I said to my DD who is 4 ‘do you want to stand there and I’ll take your photo to show grandad’ (I’m a single parent). another mum looked at me and straight away said to her son ‘do you want your photo done to show dad’ really loud and emphasise on the dad. Aibu to think that was on purpose

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 19:58

She liked your idea and copied it. For all you know her child does not have any grandparents left, so need to take picture for dad. Maybe parents are divorced and she still takes picture for dad.
just because someone is taking a picture for granddad doesn’t mean there is no dad in the picture…
you seem insecure in your status? Don’t let it rub off on your daughter

ClemmyTine · 07/12/2023 20:01

Perhaps the other child didn't have a grandad and the mother thought you said it extra loud to make them feel uncomfortable.

weirdoboelady · 07/12/2023 20:01

GoodLooking4MyAge · 07/12/2023 19:28

Maybe she felt jealous that her child doesn't have any grand parents.

I absolutely thought this. Supposing my child had just lost his GP, I would want the conversation to move on and immediately say 'Let's take a photo for daddy'.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 07/12/2023 20:01

How on earth would she know you were a single parent, and why would she care? It would be quite normal to say you were taking a photo to show a grandparent. I dread to think how you navigate normal life if you are so sensitive.

Allthingsdecember · 07/12/2023 20:04

No I think you’re overthinking it. I’m not a single mum but will often say “shall we get a photo to show granny and grandad?”. I’d never assume someone was single based on that snippet.

tokesqueen · 07/12/2023 20:08

Does your DD see her dad?
Do you think she's at a disadvantage/missing out?

YellowcAkesl · 07/12/2023 20:09

@Daisydupe I am often on my own and always think like this! I know rationally though, after I’ve calmed down, that it’s hugely unlikely to have been directed at me and i am sensitive about these things as I am at a place on my own.

wordler · 07/12/2023 20:11

Maybe her child doesn’t have any grandparents left and she was feeling sensitive about that herself and didn’t want her child to think the photos were only taken for grandparents.

Benicebenicebenice · 07/12/2023 20:13

Daisydupe · 07/12/2023 19:09

Just thought she would know as I said grandad instead of dad and she said it straight away after with dad

I never ever would have picked up on the fact that you are a single parent from that comment.

OnionOnionH · 07/12/2023 20:17

I think you just gave her and idea and maybe she just switched it to dad, because she didn’t want you to think she was copying you too much. I can also think of a lot of other reasons for her behaviour and none of them are a judgement about your single parent status, which she would be unaware of as you’re not really able to tell by looking at someone.

flowerchild2000 · 07/12/2023 20:17

I'm a single mother and I have been treated like trash many times because some people actually think it's a man who gives us our value. Most of the time I don't realize what someone was doing or saying until later because that kind of behavior is not on my mind or radar at all. If someone treats you that way it's because they're broken in some way, just miserable, or have really messed up values. It's their problem, not yours. It might sting in the moment but you have to let it roll of your back and not internalize it.

Redglitter · 07/12/2023 20:18

I cant believe you gave this as much as a second thought let alone are still thinking about it. Total non event

Flobbyblob · 07/12/2023 20:20

Do people honestly overthink like this? God I would have taken no notice of that at all yet alone thought it was directed spitefully at me.

ChampagneLassie · 07/12/2023 20:31

i don’t think most people pay as much attention to strangers as you do. If I was her I might well have overheard you and copied what you said as a oh clever way to get LO engaged in the photo. I would not be giving any thoughts to you or who you’re sending your photos too. Equally I might have thought isn’t she lucky to have a grandad cause my LO has one who is dead and another with 0 interest. Point everyone’s situation is different.

momonpurpose · 07/12/2023 20:32

RomeoMcFlourish · 07/12/2023 19:13

This was a complete non-event.

I think this sums it up non event

Sugargliderwombat · 07/12/2023 20:57

I'd say let's take a picture for nana or auntie etc. Noone thinks that means your a single parent. Do people still care about single parents these days?

Toottooot · 07/12/2023 20:58

Wooptie fucking ping 💁🏻‍♀️

GameOverBoys · 07/12/2023 20:59

I very much doubt it, but some people are dicks so it’s not completely impossible

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 07/12/2023 21:00

Ejismyf · 07/12/2023 19:11

Sounds more like she liked your idea. I wouldn't presume someone was single just from that.

this. Im married. I would always say take a photo for grandad. Grandad lives getting photos.

Fionaville · 07/12/2023 21:02

This is something I'd say/do. Not even thinking it might offend you, just because I'd think 'good idea' I'm married to my children's dad. I often say things like "We'll show nannie" or we'll "Show grandad" because we are seeing them later. So I wouldn't necessarily think you are a single mum on hearing that, just that you are seeing grandad soon.

RobertaFirmino · 07/12/2023 21:17

This has nothing to do with the woman and everything to do with how you feel about being an SM.
You haven't 'failed' or done something shameful. Did your own family/peers look down on SMs when you were younger? Were you conditioned to believe that success in life was dependent on being married with DC?

AllAroundMyCat · 07/12/2023 21:20

I think you're a bit touchy.

BrimfulOfMash · 07/12/2023 21:30

OP, do you often find yourself in a huff with people, arguing because of the way you imagine people speak to you etc?

Because this is really a hair trigger ‘who you looking at?’ reaction . It must be exhausting and could potentially land you in an unpleasant situation.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 07/12/2023 21:32

Don't make being a single mother your entire personality.

MistyBean · 07/12/2023 21:32

This can't be a real post...

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