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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lip filler

39 replies

NicolaC17 · 07/12/2023 13:41

So I recently decided I wanted to try some lip filler and booked an appointment for a few weeks time. I told my husband when I get home and he’s completely gone off on one that I shouldn’t be booking things like that without discussing with him. It’s not the cost, it’s that he doesn’t like anything that looks unnatural and thinks it’s ridiculous to even want it in the first place.

AIBU - it’s my body and I shouldn’t have to consult with him about it or should I be checking before booking as I’m really not sure if I'm in the wrong here.

OP posts:
Nuca · 07/12/2023 13:43

I agree with you but most people on mumsnet hate lip fillers with a serious passion, so I would be prepared for the incoming answers

Christmasusernamepending · 07/12/2023 13:45

I have booked some botox in and Bf hates the idea, but still says its my own decision.

LightDrizzle · 07/12/2023 13:46

I’m uncomfortably on the fence. In principle I agree with body autonomy but if my husband wanted to do something elective that I personally find unattractive then I’d really struggle.

Itsbeginningtolookalotlike · 07/12/2023 13:46

Your body, your choice.

RealBigBarbie · 07/12/2023 13:48

I’d expect something like that to be mentioned to me beforehand tbh. A heads up would be nice at least

CatamaranViper · 07/12/2023 13:49

While I fully support anyone's right to do anything with their own body, I do think it's the sort of thing you pre-warn partners/loved ones about in advance. If I was thinking about lip fillers, I'd tell DH what I was considering, knowing how much he hates them, more as a way for him to get his head around the idea before I did it. But he wouldn't ever stop me.

Nonamesleft1 · 07/12/2023 13:49

If your husband decided to get a facial piercing or tattoo would you be fine with him booking it without discussion?

have you thought he might not like the idea of kissing someone with lip filler?

or he may not understand fully what you are getting done and be picturing hugely inflated lips? Have you explained, shown pictures etc?

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 07/12/2023 13:50

I suppose it depends how badly you want to try them. Is it worth the upset?

I totally understand where he's coming from btw. He's probably seen some disasters and it's worried about how it'll affect you (and his reaction to you).

ihaveapermit · 07/12/2023 13:52

Of course you should be able to do what you want with your own body, but if your DH was going to do something that was going to alter his appearance wouldn’t you want a heads-up from him first?

He’s not wrong to have a strong opinion on it, as virtually all lip fillers look awful but ymmv.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 07/12/2023 13:53

I wouldn't expect to need/seek permission not expect to have to l the right to grant/withhold permission if the boot was on the other foot.
But I think it's odd to not even mention it, if nothing else so that all the knee jerk reaction/concerned questions etc stuff can be out of the way before the fact instead of when you get home and there's a 'shock'.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 07/12/2023 13:55

I would also be put out if my DH did something intentionally that altered how attractive I found him for the worse. I might not expect to have any say as such, but I don't want to have a turn off!

FreshWinterMorning · 07/12/2023 13:57

LightDrizzle · 07/12/2023 13:46

I’m uncomfortably on the fence. In principle I agree with body autonomy but if my husband wanted to do something elective that I personally find unattractive then I’d really struggle.

Yeah this. ^ I know some mumsnetters disagree, but I really don't know any woman - myself included - who would go and do something drastic to change their appearance, something permanent even (lip fillers could end up scarring and leaving damage,) without consulting their partner/husband. I do think it's the sign of a poor relationship if you go off and do what the F you want without discussing it with your partner.

The 'your body your choice' brigade do make me roll my eyes to be honest. 🙄

When you're in a couple, you should be discussing things, and yeah, certainly something like pumping artificial shit into your body that could cause damage. Why would you not discuss this with your husband/partner first? It IS something that needs discussing. If MY husband came home with his lips full of crappy filler, I would not know whether to piss myself laughing, or cry. I certainly would not be fucking kissing him - or shagging him. I'd be repulsed to be honest.

Catza · 07/12/2023 14:15

You did tell him though before getting it done so what is the big deal?
I told my partner I was considering it, he said it was OK as long as it is not OTT. He does find fake lips offputting but I had very thin lips and only put a little bit of filler to make them more of a normal size (my own mother didn't notice I had them done).
PPs who are "repulsed" by a lip filler obviously only get their view of cosmetic procedures from celebrity images or Botched show. Ordinary people do not inflate their lips to extortionate proportions in their very first sitting and no reputable professional would let you do this to yourself anyway.

FreshWinterMorning · 07/12/2023 14:19

@Catza

PPs who are "repulsed" by a lip filler obviously only get their view of cosmetic procedures from celebrity images or Botched show.

You do not get to speak for me. Or anyone else.

And in my case you are WRONG!

HTH.

minipie · 07/12/2023 14:20

Oh I’m on the fence here.

In theory I do think I would run any significant appearance changes past DH and would expect him to do the same. I might still do it even if he hated it as it’s my body but probably not, I do want him to find me attractive after all.

However - lip fillers are a bit of a funny one because he’s probably picturing the trout pout look and you may have something far more natural in mind. In which case I might be inclined to get it done without mentioning and see if he notices.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 07/12/2023 14:25

Nuca · 07/12/2023 13:43

I agree with you but most people on mumsnet hate lip fillers with a serious passion, so I would be prepared for the incoming answers

There's not necessarily a connection. I don't like how lip fillers look, but I don't think she needs her husband's permission to get them.

I think it's odd to not mention it, just from a chatting point of view. Not like she "should" have mentioned it, I'm just surprised it didn't come up.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 07/12/2023 14:26

Oh I misread - I thought it had happened and only come up in conversation after the fact.

Catza · 07/12/2023 14:27

FreshWinterMorning · 07/12/2023 14:19

@Catza

PPs who are "repulsed" by a lip filler obviously only get their view of cosmetic procedures from celebrity images or Botched show.

You do not get to speak for me. Or anyone else.

And in my case you are WRONG!

HTH.

Edited

You can't stop me from speaking, I can't stop you from shouting at strangers. Welcome to the internet, Ma'am.
HTH

StarlightLady · 07/12/2023 14:47

I haven't voted on this one because: I 100% agree that it is your body body and I shouldn’t have to consult with him about it or should be checking before booking.

But you do read about things going wrong and shop staff playing about with "semi medical" (my loose term) procedures that they are not trained to do. so, if part of someone's concern is health related, I think that can make a huge difference.

blowfishh · 07/12/2023 14:57

Lip fillers make me feel a bit queasy. I'm sure yours will be tasteful but when I see influencers speaking or worse, eating 🤢

Maybe he feels like this?

2023forme · 07/12/2023 14:59

LightDrizzle · 07/12/2023 13:46

I’m uncomfortably on the fence. In principle I agree with body autonomy but if my husband wanted to do something elective that I personally find unattractive then I’d really struggle.

This.

2jacqi · 07/12/2023 15:00

@NicolaC17 sorry I agree with your hubby!! people who get lip fillers end up looking like ducks!! it looks awful!

Anotherparkingthread · 07/12/2023 15:03

Lip filler can look great if it's done carefully and in proportion to your features.

Your husband is a moron, it's not even permanent.

Have you had children with him? Was he okay with the permanent changes to your body birthing his kids caused?

Tell him to get over himself. Honestly who even marries these men. He is treating you like a possession.

fingerguns · 07/12/2023 15:04

I wouldn't 'ask for permission' as such, but I'd definitely tell or consult DH before going through with it. As a PP said, would you be happy if he came back from a day out with a facial tattoo without as much as mentioning it to you?

fingerguns · 07/12/2023 15:05

Oh, sorry, I misread your post. You did tell him! Well, I think it's okay to book it as long as it can be cancelled if he really, really doesn't like the idea.

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