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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my parents to continue to pay my children’s school fees?

86 replies

I88l · 06/12/2023 21:44

We couldn’t afford to send our children to private school but luckily my parents stepped in, and offered to pay for their school fees. We sent all 3 children to a private school at a combined cost of £90k. However, my parents can no longer afford to pay for their fees.
https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/parents-pay-kids-school-fees-out-money-2792093

My parents pay £90k a year for my kids' school fees - now they're out of money

A mother of three tells how her parents have got cold feet about funding their grandchildren's education - and she now feels stupid, resentful and heartbroken

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/parents-pay-kids-school-fees-out-money-2792093

OP posts:
Original poster
I88l · 06/12/2023 22:19

Nope, just saw this article on Reddit.

OP posts:
WillowCraft · 06/12/2023 22:22

Ah year 12 the eldest one. An extra year then for her and move the younger two.

The mother doesn't say what her husband thinks. She has no experience of state schools and clearly thinks they're all terrible. I think her husband will be more sanguine

Hullabalooza · 06/12/2023 22:24

Short sighted to get into this situation without a long term plan to fund the whole journey through school. It’s not unreasonable to be upset at being left in this situation though.

allmyliesaretrue · 06/12/2023 22:26

I88l · 06/12/2023 22:08

I just wanted to get people’s thoughts on the article.
It’s a tough one to judge because the article doesn’t go into much detail about the specific circumstances that led to the GP offering to pay the school fees. It only offers the perspective only the mother, but what stood out to me was the expense of the school fees: £90k for 3 children. It works out to roughly £360k per child; surely there were cheaper options the parents could have selected, which might have avoided this nasty situation.
Prehaps the GP should have offered to continue to pay a portion of the fees for another year, whilst the parents find a suitable school for their children.

It's insane! No reason for children's schooling to cost that much.

Sure they could be as thick as a brick anyway and it would be a total waste of money!

LuluBlakey1 · 06/12/2023 22:32

So it's £30,000 a year per child and each child is there for 11 years. So 33 years total X £30,000+ the increase over years is at least £1 million + all the extras which will run into tens of thousands per child.

Not surprising they can't afford it. Nothing, except snobbery, to stop the children moving to a decent state school.

salamirose · 06/12/2023 22:35

Finteq · 06/12/2023 21:51

If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Show quote history

That would be moral theft though

porridgeisbae · 06/12/2023 22:36

If they can't afford it they can't afford it.

Obimumkinobi · 06/12/2023 22:38

Finteq · Today 21:51

FionnulaTheCooler · Today 21:47

The article is behind a pay wall so I can't read the whole thing, but if they don't have the money how can they continue to pay for it? You can expect it all you like, doesn't mean its going to happen.
If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Excellent tip - thank you!

Londonscallingme · 06/12/2023 22:39

Finteq · 06/12/2023 21:51

If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Show quote history

What a great hack!

Viviennemary · 06/12/2023 22:39

It's more than annoying. But funding 3 children was a big ask and you chose to accept the offer. Did you never stop and think is this sustainable. Anyway itisnt even you.

justasking111 · 06/12/2023 22:45

My friend did this for her grandson but paid the whole seven years of fees in advance to avoid any issues in the future.

Merrymouse · 06/12/2023 22:48

PermanentTemporary · 06/12/2023 22:07

This is weird, is MN becoming a Twitter replacement now? Where you retweet links without commenting?

Incidentally I'm always amazed that anyone offers to pay for private education for someone else's child, and that anyone accepts the offer. From 5-18, at even the cheapest school in the country, you're talking absolutely huge amounts of money. The thick end of quarter of a million pounds. Who has that, really.

Perhaps tax planning - if a grandparent pays for a grandchild’s education out of income, it isn’t taken into account when calculating inheritance tax, even if within 7 years of death. However, as illustrated here, it’s a big commitment.

XelaM · 06/12/2023 22:53

I88l · 06/12/2023 22:17

Isn’t £10k per term rather expensive, even for a private school in London? Surely there are very good private schools in London that are more affordable?
The GP were looking at forking over more than a £1m.

The most expensive private (day) school in London I know is Queenswood and i think that's about 9K per term. I'm sure there would also be a sibling discount for multiple kids. £10K per term per child sounds crazy (and my daughter is in a London private school).

Nonimai · 06/12/2023 22:56

The joint wage is 93k, so there should be some affordability there. They should speak to the school about bursaries and aim to keep the eldest in the school. The youngest should go to state school. The middle child has prob just started her gcse courses and can move without much upheaval, but with a bursary gps andparents might be able to afford the year 9 pupil, at least to year 11.
Or is this just a bashing thread for parents who send their kids to independent school.

whynotwhatknot · 06/12/2023 22:57

some poeple shldnt be so bloody entlted if they dont have the money they dont bloody have it

XelaM · 06/12/2023 22:59

PermanentTemporary · 06/12/2023 22:07

This is weird, is MN becoming a Twitter replacement now? Where you retweet links without commenting?

Incidentally I'm always amazed that anyone offers to pay for private education for someone else's child, and that anyone accepts the offer. From 5-18, at even the cheapest school in the country, you're talking absolutely huge amounts of money. The thick end of quarter of a million pounds. Who has that, really.

My grandparents paid for my brother's private secondary school because they were lovely and my grandmother was a very successful business woman and was wealthy.

It's not really "someone else's kids" when it's your own grandkids.

Crafthead · 06/12/2023 23:00

Moot point, they can't afford it. End of.

ButterCupPie · 06/12/2023 23:01

Finteq · 06/12/2023 21:51

If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Show quote history

In Google Chrome on Windows, hover over the link with the mouse and hit Windows key + ALT, and Chrome will offer to save the page as a file that you can then open. Works with lots of paywalled sites.

Castleview6 · 06/12/2023 23:02

I88l · 06/12/2023 22:17

Isn’t £10k per term rather expensive, even for a private school in London? Surely there are very good private schools in London that are more affordable?
The GP were looking at forking over more than a £1m.

Or there’s great state schools that are free! Ridiculous attitude

LovedMyLastNameItHadToGo · 06/12/2023 23:03

Speak to the school, they’ll help if they can.

ButterCupPie · 06/12/2023 23:03

My heart goes out to all the poor little darlings who will have to rough it with the common types and pick up dreadful local accents. Hopefully Labour will help the process by abolishing VAT relief for private schools. I say this as someone who went to one in Dulwich.

saraclara · 06/12/2023 23:11

If there's a mumsnetter of the Year award, my vote goes to @Finteq 🏆

JustAMinutePleass · 06/12/2023 23:16

If they’re in London they could just borrow a large lump sum on the mortgage and either stick it into a 5-7% fixed rate to cover some of the increases or use it to negotiate a lump sum discount - their salaries could then cover increases beyond that.

JustAMinutePleass · 06/12/2023 23:17

To be honest most rich people get their kids school fees paid for by grandparents. It’s the most tax efficient way to do it

fyn · 06/12/2023 23:27

Some of our school fees are paid by a GP, a term a year for each child. They are very young now so the fees aren’t a huge amount. For years 10-13 the fees are currently just short of £10k a term, there will be a one year cross over whilst both are at this level of fees and we are planning for it now as no doubt it will be more by the time we get there.

It seems pretty irresponsible to have absolutely no back up plan for if other funding stops!