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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my parents to continue to pay my children’s school fees?

86 replies

I88l · 06/12/2023 21:44

We couldn’t afford to send our children to private school but luckily my parents stepped in, and offered to pay for their school fees. We sent all 3 children to a private school at a combined cost of £90k. However, my parents can no longer afford to pay for their fees.
https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/parents-pay-kids-school-fees-out-money-2792093

My parents pay £90k a year for my kids' school fees - now they're out of money

A mother of three tells how her parents have got cold feet about funding their grandchildren's education - and she now feels stupid, resentful and heartbroken

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/parents-pay-kids-school-fees-out-money-2792093

OP posts:
adventadvent · 06/12/2023 21:45

Put them into state schools now

salamirose · 06/12/2023 21:45

If they can't afford to pay them then no you shouldn't expect them to continue paying them. How is that even a question.

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2023 21:47

So move them to a state school

salamirose · 06/12/2023 21:47

Oh it's about the article I seeee..

I don't see as I can't access it without signing up to something or other

Haydenn · 06/12/2023 21:47

They shouldn’t have ur you in this position. But if they don’t have the money anymore I don’t know where you expect them to magic the money from?

Classinglass · 06/12/2023 21:47

If they can no longer afford to pay how can they possibly continue? What do you expect them to do?

FionnulaTheCooler · 06/12/2023 21:47

The article is behind a pay wall so I can't read the whole thing, but if they don't have the money how can they continue to pay for it? You can expect it all you like, doesn't mean its going to happen.

PonyPatter44 · 06/12/2023 21:50

Doesn't seem to be much of a dilemma - if you can't afford the fees, they will have to leave the school. Is this hard to understand?

Finteq · 06/12/2023 21:51

FionnulaTheCooler · 06/12/2023 21:47

The article is behind a pay wall so I can't read the whole thing, but if they don't have the money how can they continue to pay for it? You can expect it all you like, doesn't mean its going to happen.

If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Ellie1015 · 06/12/2023 21:53

Obviously they can't continue if they can't afford it. If that were possible surely you would be paying it!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 06/12/2023 21:55

YABU to write this in the first person instead of posting it in news as "look at this" and... maybe actually stating your own opinion?? What is your opinion OP?

Burningthroughthesky · 06/12/2023 21:56

Bit strange that the author only sounds concerned about her daughters school fees, rather than the fact her mum has early stage alzheimers.

gamerchick · 06/12/2023 21:57

Weird thread. Why OP?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 06/12/2023 21:59

Finteq · 06/12/2023 21:51

If you click and then quickly turn off your wifi/ go into airplane mode you can read it.

Show quote history

Very cunning!

There is no option other than pulling them out and sending them to state school. Ideally the oldest would stay to complete sixth form, swapping courses mid way would be extremely difficult (understatement).

reallyfedup123 · 06/12/2023 22:02

@Finteq you’re amazing! Thank you for the great tip. What other things don’t I know?! So very clever. Thank you

AuntieStella · 06/12/2023 22:04

If the money has run out, the DC will have to be moved.

The best you can hope for is for the parents (not the grandparents) who have been amazingly generous already) to beg or borrow enough to keep their DC in current schools until next natural breakpoint. If that cannot be done, then they may as well get on with it

PermanentTemporary · 06/12/2023 22:07

This is weird, is MN becoming a Twitter replacement now? Where you retweet links without commenting?

Incidentally I'm always amazed that anyone offers to pay for private education for someone else's child, and that anyone accepts the offer. From 5-18, at even the cheapest school in the country, you're talking absolutely huge amounts of money. The thick end of quarter of a million pounds. Who has that, really.

Original poster
I88l · 06/12/2023 22:08

I just wanted to get people’s thoughts on the article.
It’s a tough one to judge because the article doesn’t go into much detail about the specific circumstances that led to the GP offering to pay the school fees. It only offers the perspective only the mother, but what stood out to me was the expense of the school fees: £90k for 3 children. It works out to roughly £360k per child; surely there were cheaper options the parents could have selected, which might have avoided this nasty situation.
Prehaps the GP should have offered to continue to pay a portion of the fees for another year, whilst the parents find a suitable school for their children.

OP posts:
Tiffbiff · 06/12/2023 22:10

@Finteq not all heroes wear capes

Benibidibici · 06/12/2023 22:11

Moral of this story, don't do stuff you can't afford on someone else's money.

Avacardo2023 · 06/12/2023 22:13

I'm sure this story was a thread on MN recently, right down to the three kids and same ages and years.

Lilacdressinggown · 06/12/2023 22:14

What is your connection with this OP? Are you trying to drum up views of the article? Are you the journalist who wrote it I wonder?
I guess we will never know the truth as anyone can say anything on the internet.

WillowCraft · 06/12/2023 22:17

Hopefully they can pay until the end of year 11 for that child. The others are in year 7 and year 9 I think? So could move without too much trouble.
Obviously it's far from ideal but really most of us managed fine in state schools. They've got the advantage of supportive parents and will presumably be able to continue with some of their extra curricular activities.
They've had the advantage of the education up to now so if it's worth anything it will stand them in good stead. I'm sure they will adapt to new schools.
I too would be more worried about my parent having Alzheimer's.

YireosDodeAver · 06/12/2023 22:17

Yabu for making a thread about a newspaper article that's behind a paywall and isn't even your dilemma.

It's stupid to start the kids in private school funded by grandparents in the first place if there's any chance of this happening. It's stupid of grandparents to offer if they can't afford to go the full duration of a child's schooling. If grandparents are genuinely going to fund a child's independent schooling then the full amount should ideally be tied up in a way that guarantees its availability for that purpose. Otherwise the risk of family fallout or financial crash-out that could disrupt a child's schooling potentially atca critical stage is a really unwise thing to be open to. State is better than that risk.

Original poster
I88l · 06/12/2023 22:17

Isn’t £10k per term rather expensive, even for a private school in London? Surely there are very good private schools in London that are more affordable?
The GP were looking at forking over more than a £1m.

OP posts: