Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take DD (3) to ballet

62 replies

Littleblueboatsail · 06/12/2023 14:19

I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo and just returned to work after mat leave. I work full time over 4 days. Whilst on mat leave I took DD to a ballet session which she didn't really enjoy at the time and was the youngest by a fair way so we decided not to go again. But she does remember going and 6 months later has started talking about wanting to do ballet.
The problem is purely time. There is a session I could get her to but it's at 3pm on my one day off a week. My sister is currently on mat leave and lives an hour away, we like to see her and her baby as much as we can. I also have friends with similar aged children that we like to arrange meet ups with plus just the odd day where it's me and the kids to do library/ soft play/ woodland walks etc. committing to ballet every week means all of these things are not impossible but suddenly just a lot more awkward and restricted so my thought is to just wait until DD starts school next September when we will be committed to being bound by school hours anyway and hopefully at that point find an after school ballet class for her.
But am I being selfish and unreasonable in not allowing her to go now when she has a natural interest developing and I absolutely could go, I just don't want to be restricted with our one day off together in the week.
There is a weekend one in the middle of the day on a Saturday but honestly our weekends are always jammed with family and friend commitments as it is that again, that just isn't going to work for us.

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 06/12/2023 14:34

Sounds reasonable to wait until school starts.

Alohapotato · 06/12/2023 15:33

I would go to the session during the week at 3pm , it's good to support children's interests

EvelynBeatrice · 07/12/2023 09:54

I'd definitely prioritise family time - you won't get that time back. She's still very little. Plenty of time for hobbies. Use the freedom before school for things you can do together. Why not play ballet with her every week and both dance around the house to music? Put on Angelina ballerina on tv etc. 😃

SootspriteSearcher · 07/12/2023 09:57

I would wait until she's at school. Maybe buy her some ballet shoes and tutu for Christmas. There's a few books about ballet and I'm sure youtube videos or dvds. You could do ballet together at home?

StarlightLime · 07/12/2023 10:00

There is a weekend one in the middle of the day on a Saturday but honestly our weekends are always jammed with family and friend commitments as it is that again, that just isn't going to work for us
You can't carve out a single hour in the whole week to do something your dd would choose to do?

thedementedelf · 07/12/2023 10:06

Why can't you find an hour a week to do ballet? It sounds like there's lots of free time to fit a 1 hour lesson in.

TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 10:09

My DD started ballet at 4. Obviously it’s fun and helps with balance etc. 3 is a bit young. As you will need to buy the clothes, I’d wait until she’s more mature.

Bramshott · 07/12/2023 10:13

Your DD is very young, and it's absolutely fine to say not yet and she needs to wait a while.

That said, with every year that passes your DD will develop more of her own interests, and it would be good for her if you can facilitate those. As she grows up you'll need to strike a balance between things you do for you/your family and things you do for her and her friends and social life.

Quartz2208 · 07/12/2023 10:13

I would wait as well until she is a little older - is there a dance class that suits that isn’t ballet, ballet is quite rigid and strict and is easier when you are older

NerrSnerr · 07/12/2023 10:14

I think you should prioritise one hour a week to do something your daughter wants to do. I'd give it another go and see if she enjoys it.

AngelAurora · 07/12/2023 10:16

Stop being selfish and let her go.

crumblingschools · 07/12/2023 10:20

What other family commitments do you have at the weekend? Juggling life round children’s activities/hobbies is part of family life

strawberry12345 · 07/12/2023 10:21

I think having the whole weekend free to visit family every week will become unrealistic as they grow. In reality me and everyone I know ended up ferrying around for ballet/football on a Saturday to some extent

Howmuchtohireahitman · 07/12/2023 10:22

StarlightLime · 07/12/2023 10:00

There is a weekend one in the middle of the day on a Saturday but honestly our weekends are always jammed with family and friend commitments as it is that again, that just isn't going to work for us
You can't carve out a single hour in the whole week to do something your dd would choose to do?

It's not just carving out an hour though is it. The whole day revolves around the ballet class. If you go for a day out it has to be cut short to rush home to get ready for ballet and get there for 3pm.

prescribingmum · 07/12/2023 10:23

If you are otherwise busy with family and friends, I would prioritise that right now and start ballet when she is school age. Yes it is a nice thing to do but in no way essential when so young if she is otherwise active and seeing lots of other people.

Since DC started school, I made a point of ensuring they could try as many activities as possible and now focus on the ones they love most. As a result, we are out most days for one or both of their activities nI look back wistfully at the evenings and weekends we were free to see family/go for dinner and just generally relax in their preschool years but they get so much more out of it now

Soonenough · 07/12/2023 10:24

Don't beat yourself up over this. She is only 3 . Next week she may want to go to gymnastics or be a fireman. You decide what best suits you and your schedule, she will follow you. It is not like your alternative is a terrible time for her.
If she still says she wants to to ballet when she is 4 , AND you can manage it , then by all means do it.
I might sound harsh but I feel strongly that mothers put so much unnecessary pressure on themselves. Not every expressed wish needs to be fulfilled immediately.

Howmuchtohireahitman · 07/12/2023 10:41

Soonenough · 07/12/2023 10:24

Don't beat yourself up over this. She is only 3 . Next week she may want to go to gymnastics or be a fireman. You decide what best suits you and your schedule, she will follow you. It is not like your alternative is a terrible time for her.
If she still says she wants to to ballet when she is 4 , AND you can manage it , then by all means do it.
I might sound harsh but I feel strongly that mothers put so much unnecessary pressure on themselves. Not every expressed wish needs to be fulfilled immediately.

This. No wonder there are so many entitled kids around when people think parents should cater to their kids every whim.

My DSD does gymnastics and dancing after school. She used to play football on a Sunday afternoon and it was a bit of a pain as we had to plan other activities around football on a Sunday. It's much better to have the weekends commitment free and do hobbies on weekdays.

Rjahdhdvd · 07/12/2023 10:49

There’s years and years where she can go to ballet, the time with your sister you won’t get back

Original poster
Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 16:01

The problem with the weekend one is it's right in the middle of the day on Saturday so the entire day (and sometimes entire weekend) would have to fit around being able to there at 12pm. We have friends and family that we try and see, some of whom live several hours away so it's not uncommon for us to be away for the full weekend once a month or so; but even days out just for us, to the zoo or anywhere has to be scheduled around it. If it was in the morning or even the evening that would be fine, but where it is that's just not going to suit us.
And it's not about not carving out an hour for DD. We have wonderful days, everything we do is geared at ensuring she and her sister have a wonderful time; we meet my sister at farms, at soft play, at parks etc. same with friends who all come with their own similar aged children that DD loves to play with. It's not like I'm forcing her to sit quietly with a tablet whilst I have a coffee and a catch up with someone who completely ignores her.
The problem with the weekday one is currently, we are rarely home at 3pm so I just know that suddenly having to be in a set place at 3pm on the only day off we have to do other things is just a bit of a pain. Once she's in school it'll be easier to do after school activities because we'll be restricted to doing things that revolve around school hours anyway.
I get that when they're both older these kinds of activities will have to take more of a priority and that's fine, I'm just not sure that I feel it's that necessary now in this last year before we have to.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 17:40

What are you going to do about weekend sports then? In term time loads of dc play sport or do music or dance, as mine did, on a Saturday. You do need to prioritise children after a while. Its what parents do. You don’t need to at 3 though.

Original poster
Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:00

@TizerorFizz if I don't need to at 3 why the passive aggressive "it's what parents do"?
I've already said when she's older of course we'll prioritise her activities; my question was about whether it was all that necessary now, when she's 3 and not in school yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Do people not have families? Friends? Playdates for their kids? Enjoy weekend day trips? It's really a big deal to not take a 3 year old to an extra curricular activity in order to prioritise these equally enjoyable things from DDs perfective?

OP posts:
Wherethewildthymeblows · 07/12/2023 19:07

My dd went to ballet at 3. She enjoyed going and I was a sahm so it was easy for me to fit it in, but to be honest, most of it was just skipping about in a pink skirt. She carried on, at a couple of different dance schools until she was about 7. That said, I can understand your point of view OP and agree that seeing your sister and friends with similar aged children is far better way to spend your time. Your dd can still do ballet, and advance as far as she wants to with it, if she waits until she is at school.

Lilyhatesjaz · 07/12/2023 19:35

Really at your DDs age the only real point of ballet class is social interaction with other children and it sounds as though you are already doing plenty of this.
You could do some dancing at home from utube which she would probably enjoy as much as formal classes.
There is a lot of pressure on parents to take children to organized activities, but family time and playing with friends is just as valuable.
My children who are adults now where never all that keen on sports and our weekends were family time rather than children's activities.

Alohapotato · 07/12/2023 20:53

Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Do people not have families? Friends? Playdates for their kids? Enjoy weekend day trips? It's really a big deal to not take a 3 year old to an extra curricular activity in order to prioritise these equally enjoyable things from DDs perfective?

We all have families and friends etc but doing sports with children of your daughters age is important, she would make local friends plus learning responsibility, be on time and learn physical skills as balance, flexibility etc.. ballet at that age is only 45 minutes usually after school time. I know is your only day off but is something your daughter will enjoy. Mine did at that age!