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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take DD (3) to ballet

62 replies

Littleblueboatsail · 06/12/2023 14:19

I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo and just returned to work after mat leave. I work full time over 4 days. Whilst on mat leave I took DD to a ballet session which she didn't really enjoy at the time and was the youngest by a fair way so we decided not to go again. But she does remember going and 6 months later has started talking about wanting to do ballet.
The problem is purely time. There is a session I could get her to but it's at 3pm on my one day off a week. My sister is currently on mat leave and lives an hour away, we like to see her and her baby as much as we can. I also have friends with similar aged children that we like to arrange meet ups with plus just the odd day where it's me and the kids to do library/ soft play/ woodland walks etc. committing to ballet every week means all of these things are not impossible but suddenly just a lot more awkward and restricted so my thought is to just wait until DD starts school next September when we will be committed to being bound by school hours anyway and hopefully at that point find an after school ballet class for her.
But am I being selfish and unreasonable in not allowing her to go now when she has a natural interest developing and I absolutely could go, I just don't want to be restricted with our one day off together in the week.
There is a weekend one in the middle of the day on a Saturday but honestly our weekends are always jammed with family and friend commitments as it is that again, that just isn't going to work for us.

OP posts:

Decembersunset · 07/12/2023 21:40

I'm with you OP. A lot of research says children need more free play rather than structured classes.
www.scientificamerican.com/article/unstructured-play-is-critical-to-child-development/
https://www.thegeniusofplay.org/genius/expert-advice/articles/the-decline-of-unstructured-play.aspx

The Decline of Unstructured Play | Expert Advice | The Genius of Play

Dr. Michael Patte talks about the critical role of unstructured play in child development

https://www.thegeniusofplay.org/genius/expert-advice/articles/the-decline-of-unstructured-play.aspx

CharlotteBog · 07/12/2023 21:56

I would not take her to ballet.

I would resent having to clock watch on my one day in the week I didn't have to, and instead enjoy going out or not going out.
I would likely regret having that commitment at the w/e - right in the middle of the day. For one hour. For something that's not that important.
These pre-school years when you can see family out of school time soon whizz by, I'd make the most of them.
This 1 hour isn't going to give her something she can't get elsewhere. If she's going to be a keen dancer she'll take it up just as easily when she's at school.

This is my opinion and is based on my experience of working 4 days a week for the pre-school years for DS2. I worked full time with DS1. I have such fond memories of our Monday - just me and him. With me working the other days and often us being busy at w/e, I really valued that quieter time. With 2 at home it won't be quite the same, but still precious IMO.

prescribingmum · 07/12/2023 22:06

Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Do people not have families? Friends? Playdates for their kids? Enjoy weekend day trips? It's really a big deal to not take a 3 year old to an extra curricular activity in order to prioritise these equally enjoyable things from DDs perfective?

I honestly cannot see anything extra special your DD will get from doing this class right now that she is not already getting. You have a lovely week with lots of socialising and freedom to change right now. Don't feel you have to change it.

I did a couple of classes with DC1 when similar age and they were nice for us because we were free at the relevant time, they did not make long lasting friendships and whilst their balance and flexibility probably had some benefit, it was nothing they wouldn't have gotten doing other things.

Enjoy all the things you mentioned about preschool years before you are driven by routines, schedules and school holidays.

jamimmi · 07/12/2023 22:10

Dd dances, she started at 3 still dances at 16. It's her whole social life and she has many close friends she wouldn't have made otherwise.. But her class was 9am Saturday at that age.. The baby's class still is, her age dance at 1630. I.would leave for now but be warned if she starts dance or another hobbies days out and travel at weekends will be limited. TBH as they start school most want to chill at weekends too. Her friends won't necessarily be your friends kids and thing will change.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 07/12/2023 22:11

Looking back at my kids growing up the one thing I wish we had done a lot less of is scheduled activities. I would definitely say if it doesn’t work for you don’t do it.

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 07/12/2023 22:12

Start her when she’s 5

OchonAgusOchonOh · 07/12/2023 22:20

Alohapotato · 07/12/2023 20:53

We all have families and friends etc but doing sports with children of your daughters age is important, she would make local friends plus learning responsibility, be on time and learn physical skills as balance, flexibility etc.. ballet at that age is only 45 minutes usually after school time. I know is your only day off but is something your daughter will enjoy. Mine did at that age!

Show quote history

She's 3! It's not important at her age. Wait until she starts school. You'll be tied to a schedule for long enough. Enjoy the bit of freedom you have before school starts.

And I say all that as a parent whose dc all had multiple activities the whole way through school. Dd started ballet when she started school and continued until 18. She also did competitive swimming alongside that until age 14 and dabbled in other activities along the way too.

Once they start school, I would say the best thing is to allow them to try out multiple activities. My only stipulation was if they started they had to finish out the term/year depending on what made sense.

WeightoftheWorld · 07/12/2023 22:21

I wouldn't take her in the circumstances, where is the 1yo in this? As people have said just do ballet at home. Baby ballet type classes is nothing you couldn't do at home (I know as my DD did two lots of 3 week trials aged 2.5 and 3.5). By the time she's in school she may well prefer to do a different activity anyway. My 5yo does swimming lessons and performing arts classes, both at the weekend. One is right in the middle of a day too which is really annoying.

NuffSaidSam · 07/12/2023 22:23

It's absolutely fine to not take her. I can't believe some of these responses!

Buy her a tutu and some ballet shoes and pop a kids ballet tutorial on YouTube at a time that suits you. Or just put some ballet music on and let her dance round the living room because you may well find that's actually what she wants rather than attending a weekly, formal ballet class.

She'll love it if you join in or if you've got friends with similar aged kids let them have a 'ballet class' and do it together.

There's loads on YouTube from lockdown/ones they use in nurseries.

MrsAvocet · 07/12/2023 22:31

I don't think you are unreasonable to say no for the time being.
Chances are she is going to have some kind of hobby in the future that will require you to prioritise your DD's activities over other things. If you were refusing to ever consider that it would be very unreasonable but you're not, and it doesn't have to start at 3.
There's one big thing in favour of dancing though...it happens almost exclusively indoors. Once I started having to get up at death o'clock at weekends to stand in semi darkness by freezing cold sports pitches I began to actively enjoy waiting outside after school ballet classes!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 07/12/2023 22:35

MrsAvocet · 07/12/2023 22:31

Your mistake was actually getting out of the car😁

I usually brought a flask of tea and a book.

MrsRuldolph · 07/12/2023 22:55

Don't panic, lots of children join at school age. Just be aware if she likes it it can be be a slippery slope...

I've got 3 DC who dance, and despite not being a "Dance Mom" it's really time and money consuming! If they get even semi-serious about it, there's uniforms, exams, costumes for shows etc If they join the competition team then you are running all over the place, spending a small fortune on more costumes etc! At least 3/4 evenings a week revolve around dance (For my eldest 4.15 to 7.30 as she does Tap, Ballet, Modern, Acro, Musical Theatre, as well as Body Conditioning and Pointe classes).

GrassWillBeGreener · 07/12/2023 23:17

I think you're right to wait till she can do an "after school" class, but like the suggestions for doing more dancing with her at home (and I'm sure your youngest will enjoy it too). Even though I still look back with regret that when my youngest was first interested in ballet at 3.5, it took me till he was starting school to get my act together and do a trial of some classes. He had several nursery friends there, but wasn't willing to join in and have a go, just wanted to watch, so I gave up. Maybe he'd have managed better if I'd seized the moment earlier, it might have been good for him.

On the other hand, it might have been predominantly the music that interested him in the first place. And that interest we did run with, he's now 18 and a phenomenal musician.

Doing what works for you as a family is important. You've got more flexibility when they are still preschool, you are right to want to take advantage of that.

I've just remembered that I went to my first ballet class at preschool age. But it was run by a friend of my mother's, and convenient to where I was having speech therapy for a term, so fitted in.

Tacotortoise · 07/12/2023 23:22

My son started ballet at 4 and is still going at 15 and honestly there is no rush to start. The things they so slowly learn at 3 and 4 and 5 they can pick up really quickly at a slightly older age. Start her in a couple of years if she's still interested.

Lizzieregina · 07/12/2023 23:24

No need to commit your time just yet. You’ll spend years organizing your life around sports/dance/music schedules so enjoy this time when she’s little.

I agree with whoever suggested sticking on a ballet video now and again and doing a bit of prancing round the living room with her!

Xmasbaby11 · 07/12/2023 23:30

My dd started ballet at 3 and enjoyed it. After a year she moved onto different dance classes, acro, which she still loves now age 9. She loved having her own hobby, something that was just for her.

I think if you have the weekend to see family and friends, it makes sense to use the weekday to do the ballet. You can miss the odd one if you need a complete day out somewhere. If she loves it, it’s great for her. If she doesn’t, stop the classes.

there are so many fun opportunities for pre school kids and it’s so much easier fitting it in at that age. Yes there are after school activities but hard to do around work, and can be a difficult time for dragging along younger siblings.

It’s not a great loss if you decide not to of course. It sounds like your dd has a fun and varied time with you!

Howmuchtohireahitman · 07/12/2023 23:40

SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 07/12/2023 22:12

Start her when she’s 5

This. My DSDs mum took her to dancing when she was 3 and she'd just cry. There's wasn't much dancing and mostly just jumping around. At her dance show she just stood and cried then refused to come on for her other dances.

She's now 5 coming on 6 and I started her at dancing again because she asked. She absolutely loves it and is really excited for her upcoming show. She definitely gets more out of it being that little bit older.

Halfemptyhalfling · 07/12/2023 23:47

When I had two preschoolers at home we didn't do classes as they around with each other. When I just had one at home we did classes for the stimulation but l wouldn't recommend a formal ballet or sports class preschool as they need time to be free. Didn't actually do much in reception either as they were too tired

Kitcaterpillar · 07/12/2023 23:50

Littleblueboatsail · 07/12/2023 19:03

Errr...we didn't come to your house and ask why your daughter wasn't at ballet. You literally asked?!

MeinKraft · 07/12/2023 23:52

At age 3 unstructured time with family and friends is massively more important than classes.

stardust40 · 07/12/2023 23:53

I would wait and enjoy your time first.... we did with dd1. But we did buy the learn ballet dvds (not sure these still exist but there will online versions!) and she had the dressing up outfit at home so we did do lots of ballet in the front room which she loved!

HMW1906 · 08/12/2023 00:09

I have a 3 year old son. We’re stopping one of his activities as it means we can’t do anything else on that day as it’s the middle of the day. I asked him if he wanted to do the activity or go to the farm or soft play…he said he wanted to go to the farm….he’s only 3 though and would always chose a farm over anything else 🙈. At this age I think it’s much more important to prioritise family days especially as you have another little one.

Fionaville · 08/12/2023 00:22

Personally, I'd take her to 3pm lesson. I say this as somebody who hates a scheduled routine, but when you have kids it has to be done. Children on the whole, love having a routine and a regularly scheduled activity.

TurquoiseDress · 08/12/2023 00:30

Soonenough · 07/12/2023 10:24

Don't beat yourself up over this. She is only 3 . Next week she may want to go to gymnastics or be a fireman. You decide what best suits you and your schedule, she will follow you. It is not like your alternative is a terrible time for her.
If she still says she wants to to ballet when she is 4 , AND you can manage it , then by all means do it.
I might sound harsh but I feel strongly that mothers put so much unnecessary pressure on themselves. Not every expressed wish needs to be fulfilled immediately.

This 100%

Chiar · 08/12/2023 01:18

She really doesn't need to start at 3. There's a lot of wand waving and baby rocking, she will be absolutely fine to wait until school age. I would leave it until after Christmas or Easter in YR.

I actually think tap is more valuable around age 4-6 - they tune into the beat of the music a lot more. It's almost like percussion lessons for kids who are mostly too young to learn an instrument. Ballet is relatively more static and less rhythmic at that age.

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