I'm looking at changing my first name but am scared of others reactions

[K900]

I'm looking at changing my first to a name I prefer. I actually changed my name years ago to my middle name because my first name was very girly and I'm a man, but I really don't like the name, I mainly did it to appease my family who wanted to keep my birth names. I'm just wondering what to do now as I know it will be really awkward for people who know me and who have known me for the past 5-6 years as my middle name. I'm miserable going by this name if I'm being honest and it doesn't feel like me. Does anyone have any advice for me? What makes me hesitant to do this is that it might give me massive anxiety if I do this. I'm 30 years of age and feel like it might be too late to change my name again? Would it weird people out if they came to know me and I said I changed my name to a name completely unrelated to my birth names because I just preferred it? Would it be seen as vane to others, I don't want to be vane, I'd just like to have a name I feel comfortable with. I'm just really on the fence about this but it is a thing that has been in my mind the past 3 or 4 years. Thanks

If you've been thinking about it for this long then you should do it, have you got a new name in mind? People will accept it although you'll probably have to forgive a few forgetting to start with

Is there a shortened version of your current name that you would be happy with? If not change it, it might be hard but anyone decent will accept it and use it.

Feels to me that by the time you’re considering a second name change because it doesn’t feel right, it’s not the name that’s the issue, it’s something about belief in yourself and who you are. Is it really the name? Do you need to do more thinking about accepting yourself as you are?

I changed my name 10 years ago (at similar age as yourself) and found the best approach was to let family and close friends use my old name and start using my new one with any new acquaintances, relationships and job-related contacts.
It's not been an issue for me.
As to the others thinking you are vain, let them. What they think doesn't cause you any harm.

Is a name really that big a deal? Or are you attaching too much meaning to it or is there a bigger problem going on? I honestly don’t hold that much stock in a name. It doesn’t define a person but if you do you should change it. But my concern is then they’d be something else you’d fixate on that’s perhaps not so easily changed.

Just change your first name?

So if you are Lesley Morris Jones currently going by Morris, change your first name to John or whatever, then as time goes by say “actually Morris is my middle name which I used to go by, but recently I prefer my first name, John”.

Would that work?
If you introduce yourself to all new people as John, it will catch on eventually.

Quite a few people are known my multiple first names, especially if they are another nationality / from another culture, or have lots of nicknames. It won’t be that unusual.

@Talipesmum has nailed it. If you are changing your name for a second time in your adulthood, it isn’t the name you’re unhappy with.

How comfortable would you say you are in your own skin? Are you self confident? Do you like yourself?

I get this, I might be attaching to much meaning to the name, but I just don't really like people calling me by the name. The name I changed my name to was my middle name Patrick, and I just don't really like it too much. I was considering going by the Irish version Padraig just to avoid going through a whole name change again and it scares me to do that again. The only hold back is that Podge is a popular shortening for Padraig in Ireland, and I guess I don't want to be called Podge the rest of my life. I guess I could just say call me Padraig?

Do what you want. People don't need to know the ins and out. You might have family resistance. My brother changed his name. Family refer to him by his birth name and everyone else by his chosen name.

I think it’s fine. If someone at work said “I’ve changed my name- please call me Peter from now on “ I’d be like oh!? Ok and not think much more about it. Definitely not vain.
If they ask why just say you don’t want to go into it.

I'm not too confident at all if I'm being honest but the name thing has bothered me for a while. I do fixate on things a lot, and because I was bullied for my name growing up I guess I'd like a name that is not easy to pick on

How do you feel about Paddy or Pat? Are there any abbreviations of your original first name that you like?

I have a feeling of disconnect about my name, so I'm with you, but if you've already had two names and you're still stressing about it, I agree that it could be about a general sense of confidence.

Also - and I mean this kindly - unless your name was ridiculously feminine, I doubt that the name was the reason for the bullying. Bullies are bastards who find a person to target and then use whatever they can to torment them.

Any chance if you could find your confidence that you'd actually like your original first name? What would you think if you met someone with that name?

I had a friend a few years ago who changed her first name. She always hated/felt very embarrassed by her original name (as she felt it was far too 'old' to suit her age!).
She found that her family and acquaintances were the most awkward about it - they seemed to slightly cringe and avoid using ANY first name when speaking to her 🙄.
I was a close friend of hers at the time, and although, I admit, I found it took a while for it to come naturally to me (and accidentally used her original name on many occasions - of which she totally understood was accidental), it wasn't too long before it seemed strange to think she ever had the original name!
People are often not prepared to put any effort into making those around them feel happier/more comfortable, even when no real effort or sacrifice on their part is required!
Go for I'd say and enjoy your new name.

This post is familiar ..... posted a month or so ago.

I wouldn't call any Padraig's Podge, it would more likely be Paudí (I'm in Dublin) which I've always liked. Or what about Pat or Paddy. Padjo is another one I've heard but no idea how to actually spell it!

Do it my lovely! I can't imagine going through life being reminded everyday of a name I hated. This is one of the reasons I immediately changed my surname back by deed poll when I separated from XH, literally the next day, pop online and done.

If you were wanting to change it because of how other people were reacting, I might say, pause for thought. But this is about you and your feelings, so why not!

OP have you thought of a bit of counselling to see why you are not confident.
If after that you want to change your name go for it.

I’ve known many people my whole life and then realised the name I know them by was not their birth name or even a middle name. It was definitely a thing from the WWII eras, people chose names they preferred started afresh and many with new partners.

One of my hobbies is working on my family tree and the most interesting bit is people I’ve heard of etc from great aunts I then realise all the stories I have heard about them it’s not their given names.

What name or names are you considering? Change your surname as well if that will help.

Would you feel happier if you used Rick as a nickname? I do understand though when you feel your name's just not "you"

Can't you just say it's another one of your birth names or a name your family use that you would prefer to use all the time now.

For years my brother was known as one name at home and a different name at work/socially. My mother often called him by a totally different name that she just liked too! I still have trouble deciding what name to use and when...

Just do what you like, does it matter if some people still use the old name?

I changed my first (and last) name when I was 33 (as I always hated it) and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I wish I had done it earlier. I just told my closest friends and family that I was going to change my name and that it was a big decision that I had thought about for a while. I told them my first name had always made me really unhappy and that I would like to change it to X. Whilst my last name wasn't as horrible as my first name, I changed it anyway! I picked out a surname I always wanted and thought was cool! The two new names go together beautifully and I always get complements!

Everyone was fine about it! My parents are elderly and they still call me by my old name (but I don't mind that). I have no social media so didn't have to deal with any awkwardness of explaining any name changes. I had also moved to a new place and started a new career after a big break up with my boyfriend. I was starting afresh with everything so it was a really good time to change it as most people in my life now didn't know me at all when I had my old name. They've only ever known me as my new name.

3 years on and my friends barely remember my old name. I barely even remember it was my old name. It's gone from memory. When I answer emails or have to give my name on the spot, it's always my new name that comes as default. In fact it was amazing how fast it replaced my old name.

The most wonderful thing about picking out a brand new name is that it gives you a chance to start afresh and completely reinvent yourself if you would like to! I might also use it to joke to future boyfriends when they find out, that I changed it as I committed a bank robbery and am on the run from the law... 😂

You've already posted about this haven't you?

Did you post before? Is your first name Sacha?

Either way, I see you are going by your middle name Patrick.

Patrick is a great name. (Although so is Sacha).

I agree that maybe it isn't the name that's the issue. I would suggest working on your confidence.

Patrick is a great name and you can easily start referring to yourself as Pat, Paddy etc if you'd prefer. I wouldn't try and amend it to Podraig (what's the point?), likewise I wouldn't worry if people used Podge as a nickname.

Stop stressing, Patrick is a great name.

Do it! I know several people who are known by a name they chose. People understand.

I don't fully agree with PPs who say that being uncomfortable with your name is about lacking confidence. If you hate your name, you can change it, and other people will get used to it. You don't have to work on your confidence just so that you can endure a name that someone else gave you and you don't like.
It's your life!