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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments about daughter

41 replies

Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:36

How would you feel if your closest friend was starting to make comments about your 18 month old child , including:

Making comments that they are delayed (they aren't)

Saying they have 'hobbit feet' and repeating it in front of them

Saying they have 'teeth like a bottle opener' (teeth are healthy just shape inherited from dad)

Person has form for long term putting me down, gaslighting, manipulating, undermining me etc but to others looks like a supportive, loving friend going above and beyond.

I have been vulnerable at times and they have come forward with a lot of support when I needed it, they make me feel I owe them.

However they have been making me feel not good for a while and starting to involve my child is the last straw

OP posts:
bryceQ · 05/12/2023 23:37

I wouldn't be friends with someone who spoke like this about my baby, it's vile.

BubziOwl · 05/12/2023 23:37

Please ditch this person asap!

WanderingWitches · 05/12/2023 23:38

This person is not your friend
Protect your daughter

Beckafett · 05/12/2023 23:38

You don't owe this person anything and neither does your baby. I'd step away

Greenshake · 05/12/2023 23:38

I would really wonder why I considered that person my closest friend.

Finestreason · 05/12/2023 23:38

Why are they still your closest friend?

Better to have no friends than friends who are awful. 😞

Original poster
Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:38

They make me feel like I'm too sensitive about things but I don't think I am

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 05/12/2023 23:39

I think it’s very sad that you consider this awful individual your closest friend. Dump her!

Useruser1212 · 05/12/2023 23:39

To makes those comments about ANYONES child is horrible but to make comments like that about a friends child, that's just on another level of nastiness. She's definitely not someone I would consider a friend.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2023 23:39

and starting to involve my child is the last straw

Then it should be the very last straw. Tell her you no longer want to continue the relationship and end it.

It's all up to you, op.

Hankunamatata · 05/12/2023 23:40

'Person has form for long term putting me down, gaslighting, manipulating, undermining me'

Why stay friends with them?

DNLove · 05/12/2023 23:40

Wow, that's a horrific way to take about any child. Get that person out of your life. Let mamma bear come out and protect your child from disgusting comments like that. Comments like that can stick in a child's mind for life, your child will soon get to an age where they understand what is being said and you need that bitch out of the picture before then.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/12/2023 23:41

Unless you stop seeing this malicious prick you will be actively bringing toxic criticism to your child. Dump her or fade her out quickly.

Original poster
Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:44

Yeah this is what I thought sadly. I know the tactics now as I've been in an abusive relationship previously

This person took me under her wing and I've ended up isolated, currently trying to build myself back up.

They have tried to involve their family members with my child to try and hook me in so I can't distance myself, it's all starting to disturb me

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 05/12/2023 23:45

Tell this friend that her face looks like a pigs arse and to shove her comments up her bum

Original poster
Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:46

That's what I'm afraid of (that my daughter will soon realise what is being said)

OP posts:
Strawberrycheesecake7 · 05/12/2023 23:50

Why are you friends with this person? If someone was saying nasty things about my child that would be the last time I ever spoke to them.

Charlieradioalphapapa · 05/12/2023 23:50

This sounds really awful OP. Maybe the only way she can feel good about herself is by making you feel bad. She is not a friend. Friends don’t behave this way. Don’t let her disturb you any more. This is emotional abuse. For your own well-being end your relationship with this woman. If you don’t feel you can come right out and tell her, just block her. You owe her nothing and deserve real friends who know your vulnerabilities, problems but would never exploit these for some sick reason of their own.

Charlieradioalphapapa · 05/12/2023 23:52

And a half decent friend certainly wouldn’t make insulating and vile comments about your child

lovinglaughingliving · 05/12/2023 23:54

She's no friend.
Do not see her anymore or let her near your daughter.

Original poster
Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:59

I know people find it hard to understand but you have yourself questioning your own judgement with some people. I was raised by a narcissist mother so have been conditioned from a young age to accept this sort of treatment. I'm still learning to trust my intuition instead of looking to someone else as my intuition is usually not far off

OP posts:
EdinGirl · 06/12/2023 00:05

My mum had a friend who said I had rabbit teeth and that I was fat amongst other things.
These comments started when I was around 6.

To be honest, I've never forgiven her for letting this person be around me and I smiled with my mouth closed until my mid 20's.

Please, please don't let this happen to your child. Children remember every single negative thing that adults say about them.

BetsyBobbins · 06/12/2023 00:17

Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:59

I know people find it hard to understand but you have yourself questioning your own judgement with some people. I was raised by a narcissist mother so have been conditioned from a young age to accept this sort of treatment. I'm still learning to trust my intuition instead of looking to someone else as my intuition is usually not far off

No, I have been brought up by a narcissistic mother and have a low self esteem and a myriad of other problems regarding self worth and don't find it easy at all standing up for myself. But, if anyone spoke about my son like that, I'd have been beaten them to a pulp.

OftIwandered · 06/12/2023 00:17

You don't need someone in your life who makes you feel bad. You don't need to justify why you won't spend time with her. She may have supported you in the past to make you feel indebted to her but put your daughter first now. Anybody questions you distancing yourself simply say she was nasty about your daughter. You are a great mum to prioritise your daughter, you can and will protect her - keep reminding yourself of this if life seems tough sometimes.

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 00:53

It's hard enough to bring up a child, without deliberately having someone in their life who delights in destroying their self-esteem