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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Comments about daughter

41 replies

Cuckoochanel80 · 05/12/2023 23:36

How would you feel if your closest friend was starting to make comments about your 18 month old child , including:

Making comments that they are delayed (they aren't)

Saying they have 'hobbit feet' and repeating it in front of them

Saying they have 'teeth like a bottle opener' (teeth are healthy just shape inherited from dad)

Person has form for long term putting me down, gaslighting, manipulating, undermining me etc but to others looks like a supportive, loving friend going above and beyond.

I have been vulnerable at times and they have come forward with a lot of support when I needed it, they make me feel I owe them.

However they have been making me feel not good for a while and starting to involve my child is the last straw

OP posts:

DavesRaves · 06/12/2023 02:11

How would I feel? I'd feel my sore knuckles after punching her through the door.
What sort of friend is so nasty about a child?
Bin her and block her.

Guavafish1 · 06/12/2023 02:17

YABU for not ditching this friendship a long time ago

Ahwhatthehell · 06/12/2023 02:19

Go with your gut @Cuckoochanel80, which is screaming at you not to accept this. She is not your friend.

If you feel pulled down rather than lifted up after you see her, that should be your barometer of whether she’s good for you.
Shes making you feel like shit. Soon she’ll make your daughter feel like shit.

Bin and find a nicer friend, as that is what you and your daughter deserve.

Frozensun · 06/12/2023 02:41

Gently OP, ditch her and fast. My mum always used to say ‘no-one looks out for your kids but you’. You are your bub’s world. I know it’s hard (I do!) but you can’t allow her to grow thinking she’s not good enough. As for that horrible excuse for a person, the sooner she’s out of your life the better for you and Bub.

Tilllly · 06/12/2023 02:41

Poor woman
She must have very little in life and be very envious of you

But that's not your problem. Your job is to keep yourself and your lovely child healthy and happy.

Cut her off. Delete and block. If challenged, simply say her ongoing comments are toxic and upsetting. Don't discuss, don't explain. Just go

Healthier happier friendships are that way

FictionalCharacter · 06/12/2023 02:53

EdinGirl · 06/12/2023 00:05

My mum had a friend who said I had rabbit teeth and that I was fat amongst other things.
These comments started when I was around 6.

To be honest, I've never forgiven her for letting this person be around me and I smiled with my mouth closed until my mid 20's.

Please, please don't let this happen to your child. Children remember every single negative thing that adults say about them.

Please take note of this OP. As soon as your daughter is old enough to understand what’s being said, she’ll be really hurt by this spiteful mocking. And she is too little and vulnerable to laugh it off. She’d grow up believing she has deformed feet and teeth. This woman is cruel - who says things like that about a toddler?
This woman has done a number on you and sure enough, she’s now found a new target for her cruelty, so she’ll entertain herself by crushing both of you if you let her.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 03:42

Please find the strength to do for your daughter what you haven't found the strength to do for yourself - ditch the bitch.

flowerchild2000 · 06/12/2023 03:45

They are not your friend.

JenniferJuniper80 · 06/12/2023 04:30

She is not your friend, she's a nasty cow. Dump her and find a real friend. I'm sure your baby us adorable.

romdowa · 06/12/2023 04:47

Honestly those would be the last words she spoke to me. I'd drop her and she'd get a few choice words of my own. No way would I tolerate anyone speaking about my child like that.

PBandJ111 · 06/12/2023 05:02

Cut her off now

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 05:13

If she insulted my infant just once she would have been frogmarched to a field and made to dig a deep hole for where I would then bury her.

You tell her straight, that she's a nasty piece of work and you do not ever want any contact from her again. Then block her on everything.

If she turns up at your home or accosts you in the street you call the police and say she's harassing you.

Dunnoburt · 06/12/2023 05:18

That's no friend........

DreamTheMoors · 06/12/2023 05:23

Some friends will stab you in the back.

This one is stabbing you in the chest while she verbally abuses you and you’re just standing there.

For god’s sake back away. NOW.

Ejismyf · 06/12/2023 07:38

You need to end this friendship to protect your daughters self esteem. That's genuinely disgusting comments about a little one. I'd just message - having considered the hurtful comments you have made about x appearance - her teeth as an example, I feel I can no longer continue the friendship, its completely unacceptable and unforgivable. Please don't contact me again. Then block on everything.

MammaPee · 06/12/2023 07:56

Nearly 15 years ago I ditched a toxic 'best friend' for calling my 3 year old DD a 'thing' - 'you've never got time for me and when I see you that thing is crawling all over you'. She'd been a controlling guilt tripper for years - very like my mother oddly enough which may have been why I tolerated the behaviour - but was the last straw and I've never regretted it. Ditch her my luv and don't look back!

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