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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I've just been followed

79 replies

OdeToBarney · 05/12/2023 17:28

Apologies for posting in AIBU, but I need a quick answer.

I think I've just been followed ( I don't have time to go into specifics right now, but the person kept following me even after two changes of direction).

What do I do - do I report it? I can give a vague description, but I'm not sure how useful it will be.

Promise I am usually a sensible person, but I'm feeling shaken right now.

I am safe now, so please don't worry!

OP posts:
ilovedoctorwho · 05/12/2023 21:26

Get the legal self defense ink spray to use as a last resort?

BeerGarden · 05/12/2023 21:54

When I was 18 I used to get followed home by a customer who came into the shop where I worked. I was a student and only worked 8 hours a week but he always knew when I was on shift. My colleagues found it hilarious and used to make jokes about it. The last time he did it I left work early for some reason and went to walk home and he appeared from behind a wall where he’d been crouched down for god knows how long. I started screaming and he ran off. I didn’t see him again for a while until I happened to be at a party that he also attended… with his wife and kids. I had no idea he knew the person I knew. I tried to style it out until I went to the toilet and he followed me and grabbed my arse. Scumbag.

Hope you’re ok OP, it is a horrible, frightening experience

beautifulbrothers · 05/12/2023 21:57

QOD · 05/12/2023 18:30

report to the transport police - they are excellent and have text and phone contacts, i guess the numbers are different by area?

my dd had an issue on her commute with a man sitting on a bench with his hands inside his pants holding his bollocks and staring at her. Not that bad when it's a one off, but it was 2 or 3 times a week

This.

Pookerrod · 05/12/2023 22:22

It’s good that he followed you into the station, hopeful there’ll be transport police cameras.

Definitely report it to the police giving as much detail as possible including the time that he followed you into the station and which train you took.

A man has just been arrested in my area who had been following and attacking women. Some women he just followed, others weren’t so lucky unfortunately. But the police managed to get him after sharing all the great CCTV and ring doorbells footage in the media.

Therealweld · 05/12/2023 22:36

I honestly doubt the police will do anything.
Let us know if they act on it OP.

Take extra care.

PropertyManager · 05/12/2023 22:49

Man here, tall, strong looking, builder, not the ideal mugging or stalking candidate you might think, but this same kind of thing happened to me last week. I came out of Tesco and started walking home, realised some chap in a hoodie was following - and he kept following. I changed my route and doubled back, but he was still there.

Frankly it was very un-nerving, no idea why he was following, it was dusk and no one else about - so I deviated past a mates house, bloke followed, but I went in for a cuppa and couldn't see anyone when i left.

I didn't report it, but you did the right thing doing so - the fact that the police are coming round might mean they have had other similar reports.

My advice, use a taxi, even if just for a short part of your journey, making it impossible for someone on foot to follow, keep your eyes peeled and invest in a pepper spray/personal alarm

Good luck, hope you simply don't get bothered again.

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 05/12/2023 22:57

AnonnyMouseDave · 05/12/2023 18:00

Stay safe and take all the good advice.

One thing that might put your mind at rest. Is it possible that it was someone who was trying to scare you to punish you for some perceived misdemeanour? For example if you saw a group of teenagers skateboarding, and instead of keeping left so that they could continue throwing themselves down a wide set of steps on their boards, you deliberately walked right down the middle so they all had to wait for you to pass. Could it be one followed you to scare you and punish you, as opposed to someone following you who had any intent to commit harm?

Sorry but this is ridiculous and absolutely not what happened. I was walking down a road to go to the station, no one around me at all - until he was there, running towards me. I'm sure you meant to be helpful, but it wasn't this.

OP posts:
k1233 · 05/12/2023 22:59

I had one put the jeebies up me. I'd been to the grocery store at night and was going back to my car. I'm very aware of where everyone is when I walk through car parks, as, well, I'm female and it's unfortunately what we have to do. Anyway I'd crossed the car park to my car and for whatever reason turned to look at something and there was a guy walking straight for me. He'd come out of nowhere. Hadn't exited with me or been visible in the car park and I did a broad sweep before walking out. As soon as I looked at him, he changed direction. Unbeknownst to me there was a predator at that shopping centre who had been attacking women in the exact situation I was in, small car next to a big car. I had thought I was overreacting and didn't report to the police. By the time I'd heard of the attacks it was too late as I couldn't clearly describe the person any more.

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 05/12/2023 22:59

PropertyManager · 05/12/2023 22:49

Man here, tall, strong looking, builder, not the ideal mugging or stalking candidate you might think, but this same kind of thing happened to me last week. I came out of Tesco and started walking home, realised some chap in a hoodie was following - and he kept following. I changed my route and doubled back, but he was still there.

Frankly it was very un-nerving, no idea why he was following, it was dusk and no one else about - so I deviated past a mates house, bloke followed, but I went in for a cuppa and couldn't see anyone when i left.

I didn't report it, but you did the right thing doing so - the fact that the police are coming round might mean they have had other similar reports.

My advice, use a taxi, even if just for a short part of your journey, making it impossible for someone on foot to follow, keep your eyes peeled and invest in a pepper spray/personal alarm

Good luck, hope you simply don't get bothered again.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm getting a taxi home from another station tonight. But I can't do that in future from my home, it's one of only 2 parallel roads from my house! I have to use that road (the other one is even less well lit).

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 05/12/2023 23:23

I’d report.

My aunt was followed leaving work once by a vehicle with two men in it, and once she realized, she changed course and headed straight to a police station. The bandits disappeared. She changed jobs.

Clafoutie · 05/12/2023 23:38

I’m sorry this happened to you OP, and well done for reporting. The right thing to do, and it is then up to the police to decide whether it is helpful or not. I hope you were still able to enjoy your Christmas evening. It makes me so angry, reading everyone’s experiences on here that we have to deal with this shit. Take care Flowers

Hattie89 · 05/12/2023 23:57

ManateeFair · 05/12/2023 17:39

I think this ghoulishness is not necessarily helpful.

Show quote history

I actually disagree because some might not report it. I can only imagine how many women don’t even realise you can report something like this. This ghoulish but probably true statement is the reason why it should absolutely be reported.

Hattie89 · 05/12/2023 23:58

OP, I’m so sorry but so, so relieved they don’t know where you live and that you don’t live at home! 💐 Definitely report - as you plan to. Mix up routines for a while.

Hattie89 · 05/12/2023 23:58

Don’t live at home ALONE*

AlltheFs · 06/12/2023 00:03

Definitely report it, if they have had/or have in the future any similar instances the CCTV is useful.

When they have an offender in an area they build up a profile based on reports. What usually happens is escalating behaviour and bodged or aborted instances before they successfully “strike”. So whilst no offence has been committed here- it’s all intel for the future.

user1492757084 · 06/12/2023 00:34

Write down all you remember about him and the occurance while it's fresh in your mind. Report to the nearest Police Station to the Railway Station. He might be a regular stalker.

My daughter reported a stalker and he was well known and the Police took out an AVO on him themselves. He kept breaking the order and is now locked up.
Have a siren or whistle in your handbag. Have Police on speed dial. Be ready to call out a man's name (as if they are close by) if he approaches.

Stay on busy and well lit streets.

Never tell a stranger that you live alone.

Install Doorbell so you are never surprised by a stranger outside.

Follow any advice given by Police. - like leaving work accompanied and by the fire escape or having Police escourt to the train.

larkstar · 06/12/2023 01:13

It could be part of a pattern of behaviour, could be leading up to an attack or there may have been previous attacks so report it giving accurate time and route of you can and the police may try and look into it and tried it up with CCTV and possibly other reports or investigations that may be ongoing: it could be nothing I suppose but then again... it could be important that you report it.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 06/12/2023 07:49

There was an unfortunate incident not far from a station near where one of my family members live. A lady had been followed by a man when she got off the train from London. You did right to report this.

Kent Police said that, at around 12.30am, a woman was approached by a stranger after exiting High Brooms train station. The man is alleged to have made advances towards the victim and followed her on foot before assaulting her inside a property.
An investigation is being led by the Kent and Essex Serious Crime Directorate. On Wednesday, September 20, a 32-year-old man from Belvedere, Greater London was arrested on suspicion of rape and taken into custody.

wite · 06/12/2023 09:11

Anyone who read the details of the murder of poor Zara Aleena wouldn't be ridiculing you.

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 06/12/2023 09:18

AlltheFs · 06/12/2023 00:03

Definitely report it, if they have had/or have in the future any similar instances the CCTV is useful.

When they have an offender in an area they build up a profile based on reports. What usually happens is escalating behaviour and bodged or aborted instances before they successfully “strike”. So whilst no offence has been committed here- it’s all intel for the future.

We actually do have an offender in the area who is going to court for this next year, but this time, it wasn't him. Obviously could be another one though!

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 06/12/2023 09:40

You've definitely done the best thing in reporting it, he may be a serial offender. Even if he hasn't attacked a woman, there's a good chance that he's building up to do so. If other women have reported similar incidents, the Police will be able to build up a better picture.

A neighbour exposed himself to my wife, but she didn't want to report it. I asked round the neighbours and found 3 women who thought similarly and in the end, she and three others complained and he was convicted.

Neriah · 06/12/2023 12:34

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 05/12/2023 18:15

It happened to me many years ago. I was walking back to my shared flat at the time, and somebody followed me. They stoped whenever I stopped. At one stage I naively stopped do they could pass me out but they didn’t and when I looked around they were tying (pretending to tie?) their shoelaces.

I turned a corner and just ran and ran.

That was nearly twenty years ago. It still stays in my mind.

I know this is a really serious matter, so I am not at all making light of it, but you reminded me of an incident in my 20's when I had a flat in a badly lit and rather dodgy area. I was walking along a path and was aware that there was a man some distance behind me (for reasons that will become clear, I am good at sensing my environment). He was walking faster than me, so catching up on a long and winding path between various flats. There was nobody else around and it was dark. As he got closer he started to run at me....

At which point, as he reached me, I tossed him over, pinned him to the ground by the neck and had his arm in a lock that would have broken it in seconds had a wished to do so!

Long story short - he was running for the bus! It had never occured to him how a lone woman might react or feel about a man walking /running too close to her in a deserted and dark area. Unfortunate for him that he had encountered a British martial arts champion! I have often wondered if he remembered the lesson - I bet he did :-)

I now work managing programmes to combat violence against women, and some of what we do is about making men more aware of what they can do to address male violence, including being more aware of how even inadvertant behaviours can impact on how safe women feel.

salsmum · 06/12/2023 15:56

Maybe report to station staff so they can check CCTV. and put an alert out.

FrostyFlo · 06/12/2023 18:55

@Neriah

Remind me never to tap you on the shoulder to say you've dropped something !T

You rock 😂

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 06/12/2023 22:09

Unbelievably, I've managed to obtain CCTV from one of the residents who lives opposite the junction. It shows the man running at me from behind, there's a blank in the middle where that camera doesn't cover (and there's an obstacle anyway), and then it picks me up again just past the obstacle. Unfortunately, the camera doesn't cover him doubling back to follow me onto the station platform. I am going to pop into the ticket office tomorrow, but I don't expect they will allow me to view the footage. Of course I'll show it to the police on Saturday.

OP posts:
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