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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I've just been followed

79 replies

OdeToBarney · 05/12/2023 17:28

Apologies for posting in AIBU, but I need a quick answer.

I think I've just been followed ( I don't have time to go into specifics right now, but the person kept following me even after two changes of direction).

What do I do - do I report it? I can give a vague description, but I'm not sure how useful it will be.

Promise I am usually a sensible person, but I'm feeling shaken right now.

I am safe now, so please don't worry!

OP posts:
SourCaroline · 05/12/2023 17:48

@sorrynotathome I really can’t see a “frenzy” but okay ..

Greenshake · 05/12/2023 17:53

SourCaroline · 05/12/2023 17:45

Do you honestly think such a predator is going home to have a nice cup of tea now?

Actually, at times that’s exactly the sort of mundane thing they do.

StarlightLady · 05/12/2023 17:56

Report, report, report. If you don’t it is endangering other women.

If it happens again, consider doing complete circles in an area with people about or if there is a pub nearby go in and say you are scared. Some pubs offer safety schemes.

Finally, if you feel it is safe to do so, take a photo. Take care OP x

CaineRaine · 05/12/2023 17:57

Trust your instincts OP and report it. Worse case scenario nothing untoward happens but at least you’ve done what you can to mitigate the risk.

I regularly run on a path that is deserted in parts and if I ever feel twitchy about the other users, I change my route. I’m a big believer in listening to what your instincts are telling you.

Neriah · 05/12/2023 17:58

It won't help with this, but think about downloading WalkSafe on your phone. Enables you to alert people you trust that you may be in trouble. It's a great app.

SphincterSaysWhat · 05/12/2023 17:59

My son (14) believed he was followed a couple of weeks ago. He goes to an intercity school and their sports fields are over a river. He should walk back from rugby through the town, which is lit and populated, to school but like many teens before him he takes the easy route and walks the river path. It is slightly lit and not very populated. The river was very, very high.

Anyway, he was so sure, so I called 101 when I knew he was safe (he ran and the guy ran after him, I was on the phone with him whilst this was happening). 101 said that I needed to call 999 and be put through to the local team, so I did.

They took it very seriously, took a description (which I took from DS1 at the time so had a contemporaneous note, almost) and sent someone down there.

They called me back a few days later and said that nothing was turned up and the description didn't match anyone "on their radar" so it might have been nothing. But DS1 was very sure - although he has a flair for the dramatic...! (I took him seriously, don't come at me).

Call the police - you are not being silly. I really hope you are ok. Sending love x

AnonnyMouseDave · 05/12/2023 18:00

Stay safe and take all the good advice.

One thing that might put your mind at rest. Is it possible that it was someone who was trying to scare you to punish you for some perceived misdemeanour? For example if you saw a group of teenagers skateboarding, and instead of keeping left so that they could continue throwing themselves down a wide set of steps on their boards, you deliberately walked right down the middle so they all had to wait for you to pass. Could it be one followed you to scare you and punish you, as opposed to someone following you who had any intent to commit harm?

WavyLines11 · 05/12/2023 18:02

I agree definitely report op. There was an episode of the met on bbc1 recently where a man kept following various women and indecently exposing himself. The more women who reported helped them to identify him from CCTV.

BurbageBrook · 05/12/2023 18:07

This happened to me. Unfortunately 101 were really dismissive and unhelpful when I reported it (in case the guy was doing it to other women and a description would be helpful). They couldn't get me off the phone quick enough and were not interested in a description.

Maybe it's better now -- this was about 9 years ago.

BurbageBrook · 05/12/2023 18:08

Sorry I didn't mean to imply you shouldn't report. You definitely should! Hopefully they will be more helpful than they were to me.

Bellaboo01 · 05/12/2023 18:11

If you think you have been followed then call the police!

Catandsquirrel · 05/12/2023 18:11

I have reported similar in the past and been reassured- the police rang back (I sent a form) and offered to send an officer round but I declined thankfully as I had given all the information I had and the man hadn't seen where I lived.

So yes, you'd be absolutely fine to report. BTP, 101 or your local force online. Could help build a picture if someone else has a problem with the same guy.

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 05/12/2023 18:15

It happened to me many years ago. I was walking back to my shared flat at the time, and somebody followed me. They stoped whenever I stopped. At one stage I naively stopped do they could pass me out but they didn’t and when I looked around they were tying (pretending to tie?) their shoelaces.

I turned a corner and just ran and ran.

That was nearly twenty years ago. It still stays in my mind.

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 05/12/2023 18:28

Definitely report it! Ring the non-emergency police

Daleksatemyshed · 05/12/2023 18:29

I can understand why it's shaken you up a bit Op but you did all the right things keeping to public spots and being aware of what's happening around you. Call the police for your own peace of mind and just incase he is up to no good.

Fedupwitheveryone · 05/12/2023 18:29

There was a woman assaulted on my street two weeks ago, he followed three women in total locally but all three ran/screamed/fought him off and got away. it's worth making noise. He then stabbed an Uber driver a few days later - but because all of them reported it he then got caught.
Please report OP, worst is they can make you feel like you are wasting time but at least you'll know.

QOD · 05/12/2023 18:30

report to the transport police - they are excellent and have text and phone contacts, i guess the numbers are different by area?

my dd had an issue on her commute with a man sitting on a bench with his hands inside his pants holding his bollocks and staring at her. Not that bad when it's a one off, but it was 2 or 3 times a week

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 05/12/2023 18:31

It’s awful and very sad that so many of us have experienced this.

We have to make noise about it to raise awareness at the very least.

Original poster
OdeToBarney · 05/12/2023 18:32

I've reported it via 101. The police are coming to my home address on Saturday night (that was a big surprise).

I've had a really shitty time lately and I'm supposed to be enjoying a Christmas night out with friends and this has really taken the shine off it. But I'm going to try and have fun and will report back tomorrow. Thank you for all your useful replies 💐

OP posts:
CostedStrikeRate · 05/12/2023 18:37

I told police when someone followed me a few years back. They did a home visit and said they would add it to their intelligence.

lapochette · 05/12/2023 18:44

Similar happened to me. I walked into a car park and a guy came walking straight to me. I had reached my car, he stopped and stood at the passenger door I think he was waiting for me to open the doors. I didn't I just stood at the drivers door as what he didn't see was that I came into the car park with my colleague who had to pass me in her car to exit the car park. When I saw my colleagues car I ran out and stopped her. The guy left and my colleague waited for me to get in my car and leave. I never reported I wish I had now after reading all your posts. Nothing happened but it felt menacing on a dark night in a dimly lit car park.

wite · 05/12/2023 21:10

Well done, it's so important that these things get reported.

Orangesandsatsumas · 05/12/2023 21:14

This happened to me about 10 years ago. After crossing the road twice quickly when I did, I stopped and turned round, glaring at him. He pretended he knew a bunch of very confused looking music students and I told him loudly to stop following me and that I don't know him. I then walked back on to the high street, terrified and went for a drink at a little restaurant we knew well so I could wait for my husband to pick me up. Police did nothing. I never saw the person again!

Element4056 · 05/12/2023 21:23

So sorry this happened to you.

When I was in my early 20s I was followed off the bus by a man. I took different directions, different turns and he was always there keeping pace. I then went into a bank and sat inside for 10 minutes, relieved he didn't follow me in. I was hoping he would finally leave. When I came out, to my horror he was stood there across the road. Trying to be discreet but looking directly at me. I remember my heart pounding, feeling so scared.

I walked off as fast as I could and he kept pace, following me yet again. In my rush speed walking I didn't notice my close friend and nearly bumped into her. I was so relieved to see her and asked her to walk with me as I filled her in on the man following me. I noticed as we we're walking he finally slipped away. I felt so grateful to bump into my friend that day.

JamSandle · 05/12/2023 21:25

Report him.

If he follows someone else and harms them you may have info that is helpful.

While it's fresh in your mind write down anything you remember...height / weight / clothing / race / distinguishing features etc.