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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asked us to stop our Christmas lights flashing

477 replies

SuddenlyISee · 05/12/2023 12:16

Outside Christmas lights got put up on Sunday morning going around a couple of the windows at the front of the house (we live end terrace on a close).
We were out till late on Sunday evening so they were only on for probably an hour that day and then I switched them on when I got home from work at about 3:30 yesterday. Within an hour, my opposite neighbour knocked on my door and said that although he really likes the "Christmas cheer", could we not have them flashing all the time as they are disturbing him at night. They are turned off no later than 10pm as that is when we go to bed. There are multiple settings and I can't control that my children keep changing them when I'm not in the room where the plug is. I just feel like I'm going to spend the next few weeks worrying that our lights are offending him and wonder if I should just take them down. The neighbours either side of the neighbour that complained have both got the same lights as us so I have the same view as him, if not more so, and I can't see how it would affect anyone

OP posts:
mn29 · 05/12/2023 13:43

Tell the kids that if they change the light settings then the consequence is that you'll
have to take them down.🤷‍♀️

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 05/12/2023 13:44

Nobody should have lights flashing tbh, it can trigger seizures in people with epilepsy for a start......I know someone whose life is dominated by stuff like this as they can avoid local events or certain places but there's not a great deal that can be done about a load of seizure inducing lights lining their walk home. If I had my way it would be illegal to have them set on flash or strobe mode.

Pipistrellus · 05/12/2023 13:44

lollo8 · 05/12/2023 13:38

Why do people even want to put up these garish, tacky things? It's not like you're sitting out in your front garden at 8pm admiring them.

Save your irritating flashing Christmas tat for INSIDE your house, please. Better that it's enjoyed by you than inflicted on everyone else.

I have solar lights on a tree outside as we like to see them when we get home in the dark. It makes the house look more festive and welcoming in winter. I like to look at other people's lights too.

However, flashing lights (not static or 'twinkle') are horrible and I don't know why it's even a setting available.

ChocolateYuleLog · 05/12/2023 13:46

Where is the control for the lights? In their bedrooms or a family living space?

If it's a family space, then you should insist they don't touch them.

Why would they anyway?

Flashing lights can trigger epilepsy in some people. It's very anti social to impose them on your neighbours.

Pipistrellus · 05/12/2023 13:47

Of course I can control my children.

Your first post said

There are multiple settings and I can't control that my children keep changing them when I'm not in the room where the plug is.

ChocolateYuleLog · 05/12/2023 13:49

SuddenlyISee · 05/12/2023 13:38

I am hearing you all and will definitely stop them from blinking from now on. It's the first time I've had lights outside and I hadn't realised it would be such an issue.

To answer a few questions/comments:

  • No, none of his household work shifts and it is their kitchen at the front of their house not their living room.
  • I didn't question why he didn't mention to the neighbours either side of him. It was just for context to make it clear I'm not the only person on the street who has decorated.
  • We have a street lamp outside and there is no way that my lights overpower that.
  • Of course I can control my children.

There are multiple settings and I can't control that my children keep changing them when I'm not in the room where the plug is.

Well now you have said you can control your children.

Why would they change them anyway? If they are IN the house and the lights are outside, what benefit are they getting anyway? Unless you live with your curtains open till 10pm.

Daphnis156 · 05/12/2023 13:50

Maybe control your children and take down the intrusive lights.

Violinist64 · 05/12/2023 13:52

Why can’t you control your own children from changing the light settings? I would be very firm with them telling them that you are the only person who is allowed to touch the switch and that if they do it again then you will turn off the lights for the rest of the day.
I think your neighbour has a point. He is the one who is in direct view of them and could well find them a nuisance. Flashing lights can make sleeping difficult but can also trigger migraines and epilepsy. My solution would be to switch them off at 9 pm.

luckylavender · 05/12/2023 13:54

Flashing lights are a nuisance.

SoRainbowRhythms · 05/12/2023 13:54

I can't control that my children keep changing them

Of course I can control my children.

Which one is it OP?

HaddawayAndShite · 05/12/2023 13:54

Of course I can control my children.
I mean you literally said you couldn’t but go off..

I can't control that my children keep changing them when I'm not in the room

We have a street lamp outside and there is no way that my lights overpower that
You would be surprised yourself pet. We have a street lamp outside our house too and opposite neighbour has one of those awful, light up house numbers. Kept on all night and it affects our bedroom way worse than the streetlight. It’s a different colour and level/angle so it penetrates differently. We can’t afford new curtains and they’re not considerate neighbours so we suck it up but I dream about smashing it off the wall.

You seem like you’re determined he’s just out to get you though so carry on feeling attacked.

WittynotPretty · 05/12/2023 13:55

Your neighbours have my sympathies. I've just pre-empted the perennially complaining neighbour moaning about our dog barking at 6 pm last night by posting an apologetic note through her and adjacent neighbours' doors. I may have pointed out that the dog was disturbed by the multi-coloured flashing lights at the back of one house in their row. The lights go on at 4 and are still on in the early hours. Of course, they're not bothered they can't see their lights because their curtains and blinds are closed. I'm hoping they take the hint, but if not, dogs are dogs, and dogs bark...

RedToothBrush · 05/12/2023 13:56

There are multiple settings and I can't control that my children keep changing them when I'm not in the room where the plug is.

Of course you fucking can. You just don't want to. Try parenting rather than abdicating responsibility.

Jesus what an utterly wet excuse.

SeasonalWitch · 05/12/2023 13:56

Christmas lights are pretty. I love them.

Flashing Christmas lights are ruddy irritating and unnecessary. They give me the absolute rage.

Put them on constant. Make the plug/switch uninteresting to your kids and warn them off if they touch it.

I mean, why are they touching electricals/plugs anyway? That’s covered in parenting 101, no?

ManateeFair · 05/12/2023 13:58

To all the people saying flashing lights through the curtains at night is no big deal, have you not noticed that in residential areas Belisha beacons have a guard around them so that they don't flash into people's bedrooms? There's a reason for that, which is that most people find flashing lights very difficult to sleep through. It's not about being 'sensitive to light' in general - hence suggesting that the OP's neighbour buys blackout blinds isn't really reasonable; he doesn't NEED blackout blinds for light in general. It's literally just the flashing lights that are a problem.

OP, you need to deal with your kids' behaviour.

Daisies12 · 05/12/2023 13:59

YABU. Flashing lights are awful. Put the lights on static and discipline your kids

caringcarer · 05/12/2023 13:59

I'd compromise and turn them off at 9 pm. But I'd leave them on during the day. There are some opposite to our house but once the blinds are drawn and curtains closed we don't see them.

slore · 05/12/2023 13:59

You're not obligated to turn them off. He can't control your house and he's cheeky for asking. If he's sensitive, tough titty. He should get better curtains or a sleep mask.

Turning them off at 10pm is fully reasonable. Maybe turn them off at 9pm if you're feeling generous.

Pipistrellus · 05/12/2023 13:59

I mean, why are they touching electricals/plugs anyway? That’s covered in parenting 101, no?

Exactly. Toddlers that don't remember instructions shouldn't have access to plugs!

Leapingaway · 05/12/2023 14:00

Flashing lights are tacky

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 05/12/2023 14:01

YABVU.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 14:01

Nonimai · 05/12/2023 13:21

Ask what they suggest and try to comply (at least turn the flash off).
Grinch moment - the government and energy companies are introducing energy saving measures and there are concerns we might run out. People are freezing in their homes whilst their neighbours who can afford have these lights blazing day and night. Solar lights are good for Christmas cheer, but if you are using the mains power is this xmas cheer or just wasteful excess?

Most of them are led now, literally they cost pennies over a month and use very little electricity. I get what you’re saying that if thousands of homes have them they add up, but even then it’s no more than a few normal light bulbs that some folks still haven’t changed for led.

there is much bigger fish to fry fhan some led crimbo lights . Even the government isn’t saying don’t put them up as they are low energy,

they’d be better telling folks to switch all their indoor bulbs to led versions.

Original poster
SuddenlyISee · 05/12/2023 14:01

You seem like you’re determined he’s just out to get you though so carry on feeling attacked.

I did not say that. He's a nice man and I have no desire to start anything with him.

I used the wrong wording in my OP regarding "controlling" my children so apologies for that. I can control them and I will stop them from changing the settings now that I understand the consequences of having them on the blinking setting. However the button that they press is not directly on the plug and is a separate switch and I am fully aware that children shouldn't play with electrical sockets but thanks all for the advice.

OP posts:
Janiie · 05/12/2023 14:02

I had no idea flashing lights were so verboten on mn.

I see houses covered with them wherever we go.

We have an epileptic in the family and they haven't ever been bothered by them.

What about inflatable snow men, are they a health and safety risk too?!

I would ignore them op.

CharlotteBog · 05/12/2023 14:02

Plenty of people live in areas with lots of flashing lights. I don't think they are all secretly writhing in anger or putting up with not sleeping.

Triggering seizures happens in about 3% of people with epilepsy so it's an issue obviously, but quite uncommon.

nb I do not have any outside lights, so I'm not defending myself, but I do think OP is getting a bit of a bashing for something that is not really the most antisocial thing at this time of year.

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