To those that argue we need to cut benefits:
Trigger warning for child abuse and trauma mentions.*
It’s long but I make no apology for that, I don’t mind if you don’t read it. Your choice.
I work in health care and have done for many years. I’m going to tell you a story that is an amalgamation of several different peoples stories to maintain confidentiality but this is absolutely the reality, for many - to varying degrees;
A baby is born to parents who have limited intellectual capacity and were abused and neglected as children. This was never picked up and they never had chance to resolve this trauma. They are, as a consequence, repeating those patterns.
They have several children already, they are self medicating with drugs and alcohol and are neglectful and physically abusive to their children. He is in and out of prison. When he is home there is serious domestic violence. Social Services are involved but don’t yet know the extent of it. This all comes to light later down the line.
So back to the new, innocent baby born into this family through no choice of their own. It’s a boy.
His first three years, when his neural pathways are forming, are spent in fear. His nervous system is already set to be very reactive due to his mothers stressed state when he was in the womb. He learns from the neglect, abuse and violence that he is unloveable, that others are scary and the world is unpredictable and frightening. His brain and body are now set up for this reality because as a small child he has no ability to comprehend that this is about his parents unresolved trauma.
He goes to school. It’s ok but then Social Services learn of a domestic violence incident, investigate and rightly remove all the children. Suddenly he’s lost everything familiar as he had to move school as well as join a new family. He is placed without his siblings.
Foster carers do their best but he’s not easy to care for. His mistrust makes him push people away. He lashes out and has learned that physical aggression is ok. He struggles to manage and regulate his over sensitive fight flight system. It’s like the theme tune to jaws is playing in his mind constantly and he can’t run as he has no power so he fights the threats he perceives.
The parents engage with Social Services and it looks ‘good enough’ and the children are returned home. The parents haven’t had trauma input. Haven’t resolved their own psychological issues because those services are sparse or non existent. So the stress of parenting builds up and sets off the self medicating behaviours and it all starts again.
This boy is now middle childhood and is getting bullied for always being scruffy and unkempt. He struggles to make friends as he trusts no one and is physically and verbally aggressive at times when triggered. He doesn’t understand this about himself and can’t verbalise any of it. The adults don’t understand this either. He is failing academically because he is too busy being hyper-vigilant of threat to learn. jaws music is his backdrop.
He responds one day to the bully in the same way his dad deals with anger. Except nobody remembers the DV at home and that children learn what they see. So they all see him as a ‘problem child’ with bad behaviour. He is expelled and ends up moving from school to school. Every time losing any good relationships he’s formed. Adding to that sense that he is unloveable, people are at worst dangerous and at best unreliable and the world is an unpredictable and scary place. He believes : ‘I am a bad child.’
Fast forward to his 17th birthday. He is now an adolescent with raging hormones and like all adolescents his brain is doing some serious rearranging and his emotional part of his brain and where his fight or flight system is, is in the driving seat. He’s been in and out of foster homes and is now in a residential home. His childhood has been all about fear, loss, change, failure and he hasn’t had a single adult that’s stuck it out with him and supported him and made him feel like he was worth loving. He’s full
of fear and anger. He has never experienced feeling fully relaxed until he tries drugs. Oh what a relief for him to feel that.
He goes out with his mates, gets into a fight and he is unable to regulate himself to stop - it goes too far and he seriously injures someone. He, rightly, goes to a secure residential home for offenders and meets people very similar to him with similar stories. It’s a high octane frightening place. More fear. More loss. More signs that he is ‘bad’ and unloveable. Something that when triggered is so painful he struggles not to lash out like his dad did.
Fast forward to his mid twenties. He has no qualifications. A criminal record. A child of his own with a woman who, herself, has unresolved childhood trauma. This new baby is called Charlie. Without input history is highly likely to repeat itself.
If you have read this far I’m both surprised and grateful. Now, if you want to; really reflect on the following questions:
What do we do as a society here? Charlie is a baby, he can’t vote or complain so unless a significant issue comes up will we assume he is fine? His parents aren’t actively looking for work and have lost several jobs through their erratic behaviour so we will will dock their benefits?
There is no money so we won’t provide things like Sure Start or Flying Start.
Is it that we say; Things are as they are and he’s just an unlucky one. ‘Rich man in his castle, poor man at his gate, god made them high and lowly and ordered their Estate’
What impact will less benefits have on Charlie and his ability to grow and develop into an adult that is capable of a happy settled life and becoming a net contributor? What will that poverty do to him? What will that poverty do to their diet and his physical health now and in his future.
Likely scenario (from decades of working with families) is the stress of not enough money will make it far more likely that history repeats itself.
Is that fair on him? Is a society that doesn’t care about that a civil society?
This is just one pathway that can lead to people needing benefits. There are many. We could all end up needing benefits. We are all only a few significant traumatic events away from losing our previous good mental health if we are lucky enough to enjoy good mental health.