Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like the worst person in the world - 18mo broken arm

44 replies

Cheepcheepcheep · 04/12/2023 14:43

It was completely my fault. I forgot to close the stair gate at the bottom of the stairs and DS got 6 steps up when my back was turned and fell down. Initially wasn’t too worried as no sign of a head injury and I’d turned around in time to see him fall but when he didn’t stop crying for more than 5 mins I stripped off his jumper and his arm was floppy Sad

Now back from A&E, everyone was lovely, he’s in a cast and it should be fine within 4 weeks but I just feel plain evil. It’s completely my fault and now he looks like a poor abused kid.

I actually hope SS is called because I want some sort of absolution but I can’t imagine even with their involvement I’d get it.

No other SS concerns or involvement bar a couple of ‘we have to record this but all good’ bruise reports at nursery from him and his sister over the last few years.

Feel like complete shit that I couldn’t keep my baby safe.

OP posts:
RedPandaFluff · 04/12/2023 14:51

Ahhhh @Cheepcheepcheep something similar happened in our house; DD (who was 18 months at the time) fell and broke a tooth. I didn't realise and it was only much later than I noticed and she had to have the tooth out under general anaesthetic. I cried for about three days, feeling so, so guilty and upset for poor DD. It still makes me feel ill when I think about it. But DD is completely fine, doesn't remember, and is a happy healthy little girl. Your LO will heal and have the cast off and soon it will all be behind you. Go easy on yourself, everyone makes mistakes Flowers

Ploctopus · 04/12/2023 14:53

Ahh, these things happen. Even when you’re doing your best, even when you’re a good and conscientious parent the overwhelming majority of the time.

He won’t even remember once it’s healed. Forgive yourself ♥️

InTheRainOnATrain · 04/12/2023 14:53

Oh no, what an awful shock for you but it really isn’t your fault. Once they get mobile then accidents are always going to be a risk because let’s face it toddlers are just lacking basic common sense and you cannot possibly watch them every single second of the day. At 18 months DS could scale a stairgate so we just didn’t have any because him going over the gate at the top of the stairs seemed riskier. You can’t ever make your home totally accident proof. My nephew broke his arm when he was a toddler in the playground, on the age appropriate toddler bit, just fell at an awkward angle. A classmate of my DD broke his arm in the school playground in reception, again just an awkward fall and landed badly. It happens OP. I can’t imagine social services will be interested, it’s not remotely comparable to when it’s a non mobile baby. I’m sure you’ll feel better about it when you’re over the initial shock.

OhmygodDont · 04/12/2023 14:54

A friend of mine fell on their child down the stairs and broke their leg and foot baby was only a few months old. Sadly accidents happen.

Octavia64 · 04/12/2023 14:56

If it helps mine fell down the stairs in a similar situation and bumped her head so badly it swelled up horribly and an ambulance took her to hospital. I was terribly worried she had brain damage but she turned out ok.

Munchyseeds2 · 04/12/2023 14:57

Happened in our house too but from top of stairs to the bottom....no SS involvement and no lasting damage
DD was very proud of her pink plaster!
Don't beat yourself up, these things happen

widebrimmedhatstand · 04/12/2023 14:57

I'm a paediatrician, and I can't tell you how common this is! My usual spiel is that they will recover from it far more quickly than you!

I'm also a parent who had to take their 18month old toddler to ED after she did a spectacular swan dive down the stairs with not one, but two responsible adults closely supervising them!

It's normal for this to happen. It's normal to feel bad when it does. Kids this age heal quickly- be kind to yourself.

ShineBright1209 · 04/12/2023 14:57

I took mine to a park a few years ago and my then 4 year old ask me to push him on one of the swings that go round in a circle. I did it a bit too hard and he fell off and snapped his collar bone, didn’t help when I took him to a and e and the doctors were asking him what happened he just sat there silent looking at me because he’s shy.

MargotBamborough · 04/12/2023 14:59

Oh noooo. I'm so sorry, OP.

It's horrible when your kids hurt themselves so I do get it, but it's only a broken arm. Your son won't even remember this time.

My 11 month old is on a mission to hurl herself headfirst off every bed, sofa or piece of furniture she finds herself on. She has absolutely no sense of danger. It'll be a miracle if she doesn't succeed one of these days.

MigGirl · 04/12/2023 15:00

Arr it happens luckily they heal well at this age.

My sister broke her arm at 4 years old climing over the stair gate. They will manage to hurt themselves at some point. Note there was still a stair gate in the house when she was 4 as I was a baby.

ManateeFair · 04/12/2023 15:01

Oh, honestly, these things just happen to the best of parents; you are not a bad mum!

When my niece was about the same age she climbed on to a toy box in the two minutes her parents' backs were turned and promptly fell off and broke her leg. It's horrible and of course you feel awful, but it's just one of those things.

Whenever DP (who is 55) gets any kind of health issue, his mum still to this day says 'Oh no, what if that's because of that time I dropped you on your head when you were a baby?' We've told her she can probably stop feeling bad about it now!

Roundaboot · 04/12/2023 15:03

If procedures are the same as 14 years ago, you can probably expect a call from your HV. My now 16 year old fell down the stairs when he was 2 and broke his leg. Like you, I just had my back turned for a couple of minutes and he managed to fall down the whole flight.
My HV was lovely about it, no blame at all. After asking after DS, she made a point to ask how I was coping. I was slightly taken aback to be called but I think it was standard when an under-5 goes to A&E and I was actually quite reassured to be checked up on, and yes, it did give me a bit of absolution as she clearly recognised that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.

Redskyatwhatever · 04/12/2023 15:04

When my oldest was a baby, a mum who was in the same NCT group as me tripped and fell while carrying their baby down the stairs. Both her and her husband were social workers, much gentle ribbing at the hospital apparently (once it was established baby was totally fine).

neilyoungismyhero · 04/12/2023 15:09

We were renovating our old staircase. It had no side rail or carpet. My 5 year old fell, luckily, down the stairs and knocked her teeth one was hanging off and bleeding. It was 7pm no A and E dentists available..awful situation.
4 hours later she was chomping on a Chinese meal after the hospital trip. I still shudder 35 years on about that night. Completely our fault, I was supervising her at the time..

PosteriorPosterity · 04/12/2023 15:09

Probably outing but similar happened to my sister, she fell off a bed. But my mum didn’t notice for 2 weeks until she started to crawl and wouldn’t weight bear on her left arm. No lasting damage and no SS.

This is also the same parent who put me to bed at 11 with three broken fingers and a broken wrist, insisting I had a low pain threshold. When I cried in the night in pain, she said we could go to A&E in the morning - but made me put on my school uniform and told every doctor and nurse about my low pain threshold.

When the X rays came back they made her leave the room and quizzed me on how I did it (I fell over). They also identified a previous break that I never got medical attention for (other than the tubigrip my mum got me to wear for 3 weeks).

No SS involvement, and despite the above was a happy, loving, caring home. My mum just didn’t see the need for medical intervention until absolutely necessary 😂 And we’re both fine as adults!

MargotBlobby · 04/12/2023 15:09

OP - toddlers are basically tiny drunkards who see danger and walk towards it. Don’t punish yourself, please. Every parent has a near miss story, you were honestly just unlucky.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/12/2023 15:11

It was an accident, they happen. Your toddler will recover quicker than you will.

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 04/12/2023 15:17

Thanks everyone, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask for stories of other parents having similar happen but it is helping a bit.

I just feel like I had one job and I didn’t manage it. I’ve known older kids of friends etc with fractures but usually in a ‘they were jumping off the climbing frame’ way and not in a ‘well, I was neglectful and guess what happened…’

@widebrimmedhatstand that was what I got at the hospital this morning and I was very grateful for the comment. I had to keep it together as it I had 3yo DD with us as well but had a big snotty cry when I got home because it was so horrid when they were manipulating it to set properly.

OP posts:
BenHolland · 04/12/2023 15:19

My DW fell off the bottom steps when she was a toddler and broke her arm. MIL still cringes if she ever sees our DD approaching any kind of stairs! Absolutely no long term harm done obvs!

Original poster
Cheepcheepcheep · 04/12/2023 15:19

Roundaboot · 04/12/2023 15:03

If procedures are the same as 14 years ago, you can probably expect a call from your HV. My now 16 year old fell down the stairs when he was 2 and broke his leg. Like you, I just had my back turned for a couple of minutes and he managed to fall down the whole flight.
My HV was lovely about it, no blame at all. After asking after DS, she made a point to ask how I was coping. I was slightly taken aback to be called but I think it was standard when an under-5 goes to A&E and I was actually quite reassured to be checked up on, and yes, it did give me a bit of absolution as she clearly recognised that it was just an accident and nobody's fault.

Thanks so much @Roundaboot - this is how I feel, I hope it’s the same approach. I just don’t think I’d feel any better even if 1000 HVs and Drs queued up to tell me it happens…

OP posts:
JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 04/12/2023 15:22

It’s an accident, been there too.
DD aged 3 fell down the stairs because she climbed over the stair gate 😵‍💫, her arm was banana shaped.
A friend and her DH were swinging their daughter between them while walking along a path and dislocated her elbow (DH was a doctor, mum a HV)
All will be fine OP.

Mariposista · 04/12/2023 15:22

Young bones heal quickly OP! He will be fine and won't remember it.
You won't ever do it again - parenting is a massive learning curve.

Be prepared for many A&E trips once he starts doing tricks on a BMX bike, arsing about on a trampoline, walking along walls with his eyes closed or whatever other weird stuff kids get up to!

CocoPlum · 04/12/2023 15:26

Oh poor you, and your poor baby.

These things happen. You don't deserve SS to descend on you for punishment. We have all been there in one way or another. Be kind to yourself x

WowOK · 04/12/2023 15:27

Accident happen. Dint be so hard on yourself.

Stephisaur · 04/12/2023 15:50

@Cheepcheepcheep Flowers what a shock that must have been for you both.

Accidents happen though, you did the right thing by getting DS to the hospital.

If it helps, I flung myself down a full staircase when I was a similar age. My mum was on the loo with the door open, I was crawling on the landing. Mum thought the stairgate was locked but it wasn't. Loo was opposite the staircase - she said it was like watching in slow motion as I crawled right up to the gate and toppled through!

Broke my arm, have many entertaining videos of me trying to crawl around with a cast on 😂I have no lasting damage because young bones are bendy.

Be kind to yourself x