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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like the worst person in the world - 18mo broken arm

44 replies

Cheepcheepcheep · 04/12/2023 14:43

It was completely my fault. I forgot to close the stair gate at the bottom of the stairs and DS got 6 steps up when my back was turned and fell down. Initially wasn’t too worried as no sign of a head injury and I’d turned around in time to see him fall but when he didn’t stop crying for more than 5 mins I stripped off his jumper and his arm was floppy

Now back from A&E, everyone was lovely, he’s in a cast and it should be fine within 4 weeks but I just feel plain evil. It’s completely my fault and now he looks like a poor abused kid.

I actually hope SS is called because I want some sort of absolution but I can’t imagine even with their involvement I’d get it.

No other SS concerns or involvement bar a couple of ‘we have to record this but all good’ bruise reports at nursery from him and his sister over the last few years.

Feel like complete shit that I couldn’t keep my baby safe.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cheepcheepcheep · 04/12/2023 20:14

Thank you so much everyone who posted - he’s now fast asleep and I’m re-reading with a medicinal glass of wine and trying to regain some perspective :)

OP posts:

SouthernBel · 04/12/2023 20:30

Oh love! Please don't beat yourself up about this!!! Honestly these things happen! My DC has just started learning to climb stairs - I forgot to close the stair gate yesterday, must've left it open for 15 mins and it was only by a miracle they didn't see it was open and climb up - mistakes are human and common and it does NOT make you a bad parent. Just look how sad and guilty you feel - that's all the proof you need you are a loving and good mum, so please try not to dwell. I once picked up my DC (who was recovering from brain surgery) and (for want of a better word) totally brained them on the wall as I whipped around too quickly with them in my arms. I was absolutely inconsolable, took them to hospital to be checked, child was fine, and I was firmly told they'd recover much more quickly than me! Perspective - your child will be healed in a matter of weeks, none the worse for wear, no memories of this! Deep breaths, you've got this xx

Hankunamatata · 04/12/2023 20:40

All 3 of my kids when they were all under 5 broke their arms within 2 months of each other. 2 within a week of each other and one a month later. I do wonder now how we all survived the years when they were small

AppelationStation · 04/12/2023 20:47

My ds was (is) a highly mobile daredevil and I was permenantly terrified of everything he climbed / ran towards / lifted above his head. Then at 14 months he tripped over while walking on a carpeted floor at home and broke his arm.

They find a way to injure themselves. It's sort of their job.

As others have said. Forgive yourself.

TowerRaven7 · 04/12/2023 20:49

You’re a great mum! I once forgot to buckle 6 week ds into his seat and when I picked him up to move him (car seat but in the house, used to do that 20+ years ago) he toppled forward on the wood floor on his head!
I took him to hospital and had an extremely bad bedside manner kids doctor act like I did it on purpose and told me he “Might” be ok!
He was fine and I bit my lip not to give her a piece of my mind because I had a feeling I’d need her some day. That day came seven years later when ds was very sick and we again took him to hospital. We had the same Dr. who was actually brilliant and didn’t remember us! Oh how I wished to say, see he’s fine but I was just happy to get a script for him as he was so poorly!

Greybluewhite · 04/12/2023 20:57

Similar happened to me recently, toddler fell down the stairs resulting in a large open wound to the face that needed stitches. Hosoital were lovely about it butI felt awful, still do!

But accidents do happen, we can’t be perfect all of the time! I did get a phone call from the health visitor about stair safety a few days later but once I explained we do have gates and that it was an accident she was fine about it too.

poobags · 04/12/2023 20:57

Don't be too hard on yourself over 20 years ago I left the front door open and my DS wandered off across the road in his nappy and walked into the park and by the pond. A lovely lady stayed by him until she heard my scream out his name and she called me over. I was mortified and upset he was absolutely fine after his adventure and we still talk about it now

PlumpShady · 04/12/2023 21:03

My daughter fell and broke her leg just before she turned 2 and I was DEVASTATED. I’d have thought she would be a lot older before we had to worry about broken bones! It healed so fast though, she was only in a cast for 4ish weeks in the end and she adapted to it really quickly. No lasting effects. All in all I think the experience was worse for me than her because of the guilt.

But honestly in hindsight I wish I’d given myself less of a hard time because accidents happen as much as we try our hardest to prevent them! Ask yourself, if the same had happened to a friend would you blame them and think they were awful? I’m sure you wouldn’t, so try and treat yourself the same if you can.

Wishing him a speedy recovery x

Schoolrunmumbun · 04/12/2023 21:03

I let 1 year old pull a glass lamp by the cord and it smashed on his head. Evening in A&E, all fine.

DH let a dog run around on a long lead and cause a long friction burn on toddlers leg. Scar disappeared after a couple of years.

Divebar2021 · 04/12/2023 21:10

I know 2 child protection professionals who have been involved in accidents where their babies suffered broken limbs… the first one fell down the stairs herself while holding the baby and the second was changing the baby on a changing table and caught their leg ( if I recall correctly ) with his work lanyard and pulled them off the table.

Gloaminggnome · 04/12/2023 21:14

I raise you my absolute parenting fail
...
My daughter is tube fed and she used to have a 'peg' tube which is held inside the body by a 3cm wide silicone disc. When they eventually remove them they're put under and it's removed via the mouth because it's so big.

Well one day I didn't check that the tube was free and clear of the car seat straps and I RIPPED IT OUT OF HER STOMACH. I cried and had a panic attack but the drs and nurses were so lovely and just popped in a different type and sent us home.

She has a button now which has no trailing tubes 🙈

Delphigirl · 04/12/2023 21:16

4 kids, 2 broken arms before 2yo (and 2 later on involving ponies and trampolines). These things happen. They are little and they fall over a LOT. Mine didn’t even fall off or down anything, just fell. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

Soubriquet · 04/12/2023 21:18

Accidents happen, that’s why they are called accidents. Don’t beat yourself up about it please. He will be fine and will forget about in a few weeks.

My dd had a small fracture on her leg when she was 2…I didn’t even seek help till the next day because I thought she had just sprained it. She didn’t need a cast though as it was barely there and the doctors were happy to leave it. I felt guilty but then I remembered that it was an accident and I got her the help she needed when she needed it.

Soubriquet · 04/12/2023 21:20

Gloaminggnome · 04/12/2023 21:14

She has a button now which has no trailing tubes 🙈

Oooooo that sounds bad. I’m glad she’s ok.

I think one of my worst fails actually was ds newrly losing a toe because of my hair. He would not stop crying one night and no matter what I did, nothing helped. By chance, I spotted his toe going blue and then noticed one of my hairs wrapped tightly around it. My god did I feel guilty. I kept randomly crying that night thinking about how I almost cost him his toe. Luckily he was a baby, and has no recollection of this

Pushkinini · 04/12/2023 21:24

I fell off a bus while trying to wrangle a pushchair, toddler DD and DS who was about 18 months old. I squashed DS on the way down and broke his leg. He's now 24 and doesn't remember it at all. I felt terrible after I'd done it, but accidents happen.

Soubriquet · 04/12/2023 21:27

My dh fell off a step holding ds. He had him in the football hold, with his face facing out. He was 9 weeks old and had taken a dummy for the first and last time. Poor dh fell and partially landed on ds. He felt so guilty and it was awful. The dummy had snapped on ds’s mouth and half of his face looked like he had been in a round with Mike Tyson. We called an ambulance and took him straight to hospital…and he was fine! A bit of bruising and swelling which disappeared by day 3. Babies and small children heal quickly

TeacherAndMother · 04/12/2023 21:36

I'm a teacher.

Few years ago (maybe 4 or 5 now) we had a new headteacher. Her first headship.

About 3 weeks into the new school year in September one of our Reception children (so 3 weeks into her headship) i fell over out of the playhouse outside while being supervised by said headteacher, ambulance had to be called and said child needed a skin graft due to the gravel burn and fractured their cheek bone.

Said child is still in our school now in year 4 or 5, and still talks about their ambulance ride in Reception. Said headteacher is also still our headteacher.

It happens. I know it doesn't help, but it'll be ok and doesn't make you a bad parent.

Dramatic · 04/12/2023 21:41

My 18 month old broke her arm after falling from ONE step on to a carpeted floor. These things happen, don't beat yourself up. Mine didn't even notice the cast, I'm sure she just thought it was part of her arm by the end of the 4 weeks!

Sharontheodopolodous · 04/12/2023 21:56

I wouldn't worry too much-i was dropped on my head as a baby (my mother was wheeling me round the market in my silver Cross pram,she tipped it a bit to turn a corner and I slid out)

My brother fell off the back of the sofa-breaking his arm-the day after my father had his cast taken off as he'd slipped while walking to work

My cousin learned to roll-as she was laid on the bed and fell off (I don't think my aunt has ever forgiven herself)

My own dc have had many accidents over the years-it happens

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