To think Dad should’ve done a Covid test before visiting hospitalised aunt

avocardigan · 2023-12-03T20:06:38+00:00

Aunt is in hospital with pancreatic cancer, in an oncology ward. Basically she’s getting palliative care, awaiting discharge to go home to die in her own bed with a care team helping her manage her last weeks/months. Dad tested positive for Covid on Thursday. Today is Sunday and I just found out my Dad went in to visit my Aunt, without testing to see if he was still infectious, and without wearing a face covering. I can’t even. This is unreasonable isn’t it? An oncology ward. Nobody there needs a Covid infection to manage as well as everything else they have got to endure.

BCBird · 03/12/2023 20:15

Selfish not to test in those circumstances.

lljkk · 03/12/2023 20:16

I can't live the way you want your dad to live.

JemimaFuddle · 03/12/2023 20:17

I don't think he should have gone at all.
I tested positive on Friday and wouldn't go near anywhere like an oncology ward in the next couple of weeks, even with a negative test. These people are so vulnerable.

Housebuyer37 · 03/12/2023 20:18

I would never have tested in the first place but if I had a cold I wouldn't visit a cancer patient.

However if I had no symptoms then I would.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 03/12/2023 20:18

Is he usually a selfish twat who endangers the lives of others?

RobertaFirmino · 03/12/2023 20:18

lljkk · 03/12/2023 20:16

I can't live the way you want your dad to live.

What, you are unable to wear a mask for one hour whilst visiting an oncology ward? How come? Do you not have any ears to keep the straps in place?

JemimaFuddle · 03/12/2023 20:19

lljkk · 03/12/2023 20:16

I can't live the way you want your dad to live.

You can't live avoiding oncology wards when you have an infectious disease? Is this not something you would have done pre covid if you had the flu or an upset stomach?

Silvergreenblue · 03/12/2023 20:22

He's not the only selfish one doing this. Then it ends up going around the patients. Bad enough in a cancer ward, I've heard of people going into maternity wards with COVID and people getting infected. Lovely to put babies at risk.

RaininSummer · 03/12/2023 20:25

Lljjk... You are ridiculous and selfish.

unvillage · 03/12/2023 20:26

Testing wouldn't have meant anything. He should have stayed away for at least another week. Even the government advice says you should stay away from vulnerable people for 10 days after a positive test. He's an idiot.

2023forme · 03/12/2023 20:27

testing is pointless now. Symptoms are what matter - if someone is feverish/unwell/coughing and spluttering etc, they shouldn’t be visiting vulnerable people and should limit all social contact as much as possible.

Otherwise and if symptom free - it doesn’t really matter what virus the person has, they are only a real “danger” if they are symptomatic. This is true for non-Covid viruses which we cannot test for.

your aunt will be getting cared for by health professionals who may have various viruses. And other visitors/patients.

SgtBilko · 03/12/2023 20:35

2023forme · 03/12/2023 20:27

testing is pointless now. Symptoms are what matter - if someone is feverish/unwell/coughing and spluttering etc, they shouldn’t be visiting vulnerable people and should limit all social contact as much as possible.

Otherwise and if symptom free - it doesn’t really matter what virus the person has, they are only a real “danger” if they are symptomatic. This is true for non-Covid viruses which we cannot test for.

your aunt will be getting cared for by health professionals who may have various viruses. And other visitors/patients.

Haven’t you heard of asymptomatic covid? I can’t believe after all this time people have no understanding of this or of masking. Why is it so difficult to do some simple thing to protect people who are really vulnerable? We’ve become so selfish as a nation. I also don’t want your flu or your cold. So just test if you are seeing someone vulnerable.

asplashofmilk · 03/12/2023 20:35

I don't know. Did he ask or tell your aunt? Perhaps she really wanted to see him, she might not have much quality time left and maybe she doesn't care or was happy with the risk?
Or maybe your dad feels it could be the last time and he didn't want to wait? Weeks can very quickly become days and hours with end stage pancreatic cancer, covid or not.
It's his sister (I presume?), so he probably knows how she'd feel about it.

On the face of it it's not something I'd do but I'd not rush to judge either.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 03/12/2023 20:36

He wants to see his sibling before they die, I couldn't begrudge that.

When staff don't have to test I can see his point tbh.

Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 20:38

Yes it's selfish to go onto an onology ward knowingly with any infectious illness, sadly plenty of people do it though.

PropertyManager · 03/12/2023 20:40

If I was him I wouldn't have gone, I would say though that most NHS trusts would allow and indeed want covid positive staff on site.

My 82 year old mum was in hospital last year (covid free) and they put a lady on oxygen with covid in the bed next to her - I asked to see the Dr in charge of infection control to complain, he came to see me but was quite non plussed about it and asked me why I was bothing wearing a mask "its everywhere" he said - I mulled his point and thats when I quit thinking about covid in a worried way.

As to your aunt, having known two people who died of pancreatic cancer, it's bloody awful at the end, if something else carried her off before in a calmer way, it sounds wrong, but it might be a blessing for her. My sympathies, awful situation.

Original poster

avocardigan · 03/12/2023 20:41

She’s not his sibling, she’s my mother’s sister. Mum passed away several years ago and Dad is remarried. I don’t know if he even told my Aunt about his recent positive test. Even if he did, and she was cool with it, others on the ward deserve consideration.

(And yes, asymptomatic and pre-symptomatic Covid transmission is a thing and unfortunately people can pass it on without obvious symptoms which is why I personally would always test and put on a good mask if visiting extremely sick person in a ward of highly vulnerable people. If I’d tested positive on Thursday I would stay away for at least a week.)

OP posts:

Alargeoneplease89 · 03/12/2023 20:43

Staff don't test anymore, plenty of people don't get symptoms and can be transmitting it. I'm immune suppressed BTW so understand the why you are concerned but I think considering the circumstances and enough people missing spending precious time with loved ones,I get his point.

It's not as dangerous as a few years ago and lots of treatments available

2023forme · 03/12/2023 21:40

SgtBilko · 03/12/2023 20:35

Haven’t you heard of asymptomatic covid? I can’t believe after all this time people have no understanding of this or of masking. Why is it so difficult to do some simple thing to protect people who are really vulnerable? We’ve become so selfish as a nation. I also don’t want your flu or your cold. So just test if you are seeing someone vulnerable.

Edited

Show quote history

Yes I’ve heard of asymptomatic Covid. But the chance of asymptomatic people spreading anything is low.

saying “I don’t want your cold or flu so just test” doesn’t make sense. There is no test for cold or flu.

my point stands - stay away from others as much as you can if you are symptomatic.

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/12/2023 21:43

lljkk · 03/12/2023 20:16

I can't live the way you want your dad to live.

What you can't not try and kill cancer patients?

Wtf is wrong with you?

DappledOliveGroves · 03/12/2023 21:46

Having watched someone die of terminal cancer, I’d far rather be taken by Covid.

SoupDragon · 03/12/2023 21:48

I don't believe in testing generally speaking but even I would test before visiting someone vulnerable (and who is in a ward full of vulnerable people!). Especially if I had just been ill! Only a selfish idiot wouldn't.

SoupDragon · 03/12/2023 21:49

DappledOliveGroves · 03/12/2023 21:46

Having watched someone die of terminal cancer, I’d far rather be taken by Covid.

I don't disagree TBH.

However, it's not a decision you can make for others. The other patients might not have a terminal diagnosis for a start.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 21:54

DappledOliveGroves · 03/12/2023 21:46

Having watched someone die of terminal cancer, I’d far rather be taken by Covid.

Well, when it's you then that's your choice. Who the fuck are you that you get to make that choice for others?

EdgarsTale · 03/12/2023 21:54

I can’t believe someone would visit an oncology ward with probable covid. It’s so selfish. Those poor patients just don't need it.