Is this really what mum life is?

[jellybeanathome]

I'm just wondering if I'm being unreasonable - maybe I'm lazy / selfish / not got my priorities right?

I'm finding being a mum sooooo hard. DS is 10 months old and I just feel like I do nothing but clean the house, do things that have to be done or chase my DS around the house.

I know the house is being made worse by Christmas decorations, but I feel over-stimulated ALL the time when I'm home. It is never just nice and tidy - we have a cleaner so I'm not too worried about cleanliness, but keeping the house tidy with a baby, a dog and two adults in the house is a full time job. DH does his fair share but it still feels like too much.

The 'to do' list is also endless. Household tasks like shopping etc, packing DS's bags for childcare each day, unpacking from the current day, organising and cooking his meals, pick this up from here, go there to buy this thing, walk the dog, feed the dog... we do spend plenty of time with friends and family but by the time we've seen them and then tackled some of the to do list, there's no time left even for a solo bath! Again, DH does his fair share but we just don’t ever stop.

DS is crawling, trying to walk, grabbing everything, crying when he isn't doing exactly what he wants to be (though who knows what that is at any given moment), throwing food (that I've just cooked) everywhere. There are glimpses of a happy baby when we're doing things or if I get it right in a given moment, but I feel like I get it wrong 90% of the time.

My AIBU is.... is parenting just this hard and I have unreasonable expectations??
YABU - suck it up and stop making a mountain out of a molehill!
YANBU - yep! It's painful!

And if anyone is able to give me glimpses of future happiness, I would appreciate it!!

I think you'll feel better once you are used to the new routine with going back to work. It's an adjustment but it gets better with some time.

When my first DC was that I age I was a single parent with caring responsibilities for other family members, I had a dog, I was working nearly full time and not using childcare (because I couldn’t afford it). I also couldn’t afford a cleaner, dog walker or car to get to my family. I didn’t have any heating or hot water in my home back then and had an endless black mould problem.

I still remember it as a happy time but yes, it was an endless merry go round of cleaning, chasing the baby, working, getting the bus to my family, cleaning there, chasing the baby, walking the dog, getting the baby to bed and then working more. I’m not sure the madness of running around after kids has ever actually stopped, even now they are bigger - I now have three. It’s just a different kind of running around. School runs, homework, projects, packed lunches, clubs, hobbies, endless medical appointments, bedtime stories, friendship angst, teenage upsets, getting them to bed, collecting them from parties, youth clubs, friends houses. And this time of year, Christmas fairs, Christmas disco, christmas lights, trip to Santa, Christmas stockings, Christmas dinner for 20, hyped up kids and meltdowns.

Id have to say, yes, this is about it.

I've got a bit of video of ds2 aged c12 months slowly and methodically emptying a bookcase which I took because it was so damn cute, and I rewatch it fondly now.

But after the gazillionth time refilling that bookcase it was considerably less amusing.

Ah, 10 years distance soft focusses the memories wonderfully.

I'd say if you can drop your expectations about how clean your house should be. Even a perfectly clean house will be wrecked in a few hours by a toddler. Food on the floor, toys and things everywhere. I enjoy being out with my one, connecting with other mums, being to nice places together. It's going to get easier.

YANBU. It often sucks but eventually you accept it.

😆 I've got 2 big bookcases with about 400 books on and mine has emptied it so many times I ended up covering one with a coffee table and the other I pushed the settee up an pooped a table there so he couldn't do it anymore 🤣 it wouldn't have been so bad but he was trying to rip and chew them. Can't wait til my living room can be set up how I want, not blocking everything off🤣🤣🤣

My baby is the same age and I'm ill at the moment - it's so hard!

I’m also an older mum, although a little ahead of you.

I found 10 months to be the peak of the tough times…so far. I’m sure there more to come but for me, so far, that was the hardest.

At about 11 months, things got easier. Baby was more interactive, could be left in a safe place to play by herself while I did something on the other side of the room for, oh, at least 3 minutes! 🤣

Your child is just going through a phase. Everything here is just a phase.

I promise you that things will change. Hopefully for the better. (But that is the bit I can’t promise).

My eldest is 6.5 yrs, all I ever get is moaning, whining and back chat from her (clearly raising her wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️) and my youngest who turned 2 in September is feral. They’ve completely broken me. I honestly dread as they get older… just as I hit the perimenopause… my OH has already said he’s leaving 😂 I actually give up now - my house is a constant mess etc. today my toddler pushed the ironing board over (luckily me and OH both nearby) and the iron flew off and dented our new skirting boards in our kitchen and scraped fresh paint off the wall. I’m just thankful my little one wasn’t hurt - pre kids I would have been devastated about the dent etc now I couldn’t care less as I just don’t have the time. It’s hard.

I have an 18mo now and at 10m things were busy but always fun. I've always been relaxed about tidiness and keep chores to a minimum during her awake hours (I get stuff done while she sleeps). No pets so no extra work involved there. All shopping is done online (usually after 10pm after baby is in bed) as it's so much easier than trying to keep a baby patient in store. Mornings always spent out at a class or activity so that they can think up interesting things to amuse my child and I don't have a big tidy up in my house. Trips out to museums and libraries and galleries. DD is pretty content and amused most of the time and communicated well with me. My focus for her awake time is play time and interaction so I just forget about chores as it's a lower priority for me, and I find it more fun to get out and about too.

TBH yes with my first, and apparently firsts are the most difficult in temperament and also because it’s a huge adjustment. So I do remember feeling overwhelmed.

But every baby since has been easier and easier…. I just had to let go of the need to have everything tidy and organized like it was before kids

Time goes by fast and one day you will be nostalgic for the baby years so try to make light of the drudgery