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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH is being lazy

30 replies

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 09:11

We have a 3 year old and 2 month old. DH has form for deciding ‘essential’ things have to be done on Saturdays so yesterday the 3 year old ended up cooped up most of the day. He needs to let off a bit of steam so I’ve suggested to DH we take him to a soft play centre. DH has announced he’s ill.

I don’t doubt he’s got a bit of a cold or whatever but AIBU to think he does just need to get on with things? I am not catching a break at all at the moment and I am feeling it a bit.

OP posts:

SgtJuneAckland · 03/12/2023 09:13

Can the two month old stay with DH for an hour or two? He doesn't get to slink off by himself, you only have to focus on the 3 yo, might need to be timed around feeds if BF

Agix · 03/12/2023 09:13

YABU. People don't particularly want your husband to go out and spread cold to them. Let your husband rest if he's feeling ill... can't you go by yourself?

Tooshytoshine · 03/12/2023 09:16

I wish the world stopped turning when I have a cold. You just have to power through with kids.

He is setting a precedent. Sounds like you might be ill next weekend...

greencheetah · 03/12/2023 09:17

What’s the point of him?

Morechocmorechoc · 03/12/2023 09:17

I think taking a cold to soft play is super selfish. It's full of kids.

EveryKneeShallBow · 03/12/2023 09:21

I pretty much assume soft play = cold/infection. Happens every time. But if he can stay away, of course he should. But the place will be teeming with germs anyway.

Coconutter24 · 03/12/2023 09:52

If it’s just a bit of a cold I’d take the 3yr old to soft play myself and DH can stay home with the 2 month old

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 09:56

Why do both of you have to go to soft play? Why was 3yo cooped up all yesterday? One of you could have taken him for a walk/to the park.

Muchonachomiamigo · 03/12/2023 10:09

Why was the 3 year old cooped up? Why couldn't one of you take him out of the house for a bit?

Who made your DH head of the household? You are an adult who can decide what 'essential' needs doing and what can wait. If he has a cold, leave him to it.

All sounds a bit surrendered wife. Speak up and say what you want and what your child needs.

Soft play is a level of Hell. Wrap up and burn energy outside. Leave grumpy indoors to fester.

PaperDoIIs · 03/12/2023 10:17

What are the essential jobs? Does he actually do them?

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:20

@Muchonachomiamigo the weather here was pretty bad yesterday, so didn’t go outside especially given the baby … did go to a garden centre and get a tree but I accept that’s not a very exciting outing!

@CalistoNoSolo if I have to go and rescue DS I then have to leave the baby or drag the baby through a soft play jungle, so it’s hard alone especially if busy which it probably will be.

OP posts:

greencheetah · 03/12/2023 10:22

So why can’t you leave baby with DH?

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:23

She’ll need feeding.

OP posts:

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 10:23

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:20

@CalistoNoSolo if I have to go and rescue DS I then have to leave the baby or drag the baby through a soft play jungle, so it’s hard alone especially if busy which it probably will be.

But why do you need to take the baby?

WandaWonder · 03/12/2023 10:24

Why is the solution soft play what is wrong with going for a walk?

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:25

It’s very cold and snowy and probably too cold for both children for any length of time to be honest. But yeah I could take them for a walk, it’s just not massively enjoyable for them tbh.

OP posts:

greencheetah · 03/12/2023 10:36

Right. Tell DH to take three year old out. He can decide where but it has to be for at least two hours.

Cinema/Seeing Santa/Shopping centre toy shops/Soft play/visiting relatives/whatever. You shouldn’t be doing all the mental and physical load.

What is he doing right now? Dying on the sofa?

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:45

De-icing the car. I probably will end up just taking them both sonewhere.

OP posts:

startquitting · 03/12/2023 11:00

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 10:25

It’s very cold and snowy and probably too cold for both children for any length of time to be honest. But yeah I could take them for a walk, it’s just not massively enjoyable for them tbh.

How cold? It’s -30 where I live and kids are out enjoying themselves and getting fresh air.

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 11:03

Enjoying themselves is great, but DS has been out and he didn’t like it. It’s slushy and raining, not nice crisp snow. And I’ll probably be told this is unreasonable but I do feel it’s a bit cold for the baby. I honestly don’t think a grey, freezing, wet walk in slush is particularly enjoyable really.

OP posts:

Eatbetterthisweek · 03/12/2023 11:03

Do you have a zoo, safari or aquarium near you? Even in winter there are indoor exhibits in the zoo and safari parks. We had annual passes to all three and would go whatever the weather. Soft play at the weekend unless you go at the earliest time is torture even worse if you are ill.

LBFseBrom · 03/12/2023 11:04

I get your problem regarding the weather, there's no point dragging the kids out if conditions are not good.

Just find something fun to do indoors or maybe in the garden if you have one.

This will pass.

Crunchymum · 03/12/2023 11:06

Is one weekend indoors really that much of a hardship?

Original poster

Snowalone · 03/12/2023 11:17

If it was just me it would be lovely but dealing with a wired up, silly 3 year old indoors is not very restful for anyone. Just feeling a bit fed up today.

OP posts:

Ladyj84 · 03/12/2023 11:22

Why can't you go out and hubby looks after kids

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