To ask if what age this might get easier? Is it true this will only get worse?

[Lemonjs]

Dc is 14 months. Sees his dad once a month due to nature of his work, been like that since day one. I have no family support. I keep being told age two is the worst so prepare for that but I’m already finding it hard.

In the last week I have really began to struggle. I do work part time and to be honest those days are more of a rest as dc is in nursery. I find weekends hard as he won’t walk far but doesn’t like the pram. I gave up yesterday and we stayed in. II was ok but long. He’s pretty chilled generally but I feel quite low. Not really enjoying it anymore and everything is about getting through the day. He won’t play properly so things are thrown or it’s a v v v repetitive game that makes me want to cry with boredom. I do see friends but then it’s a case of packing looooads of stuff up for the day so he has everything. Will it get better? I hear two is meant to be even worse?!

My DS is 2 in April and I was saying yesterday how it's become really hard recently. He only wants to walk and walk where he wants to go not where we are going. Going crazy if I put him in the buggy or carry him. So whilst I have no advice I wanted to let you know you're not alone!! I just put him in the pushchair let him scream / cry and try to distract him by talking to him (I'd say 30% success rate) or carry blueberries to give him (90% success rate in calming him) then talk to him to distract him whilst he is eating those. We then usually manage to get to where we need to go.

It will get easier but sending a virtual hug!!

it does get easier, yes the challenges change as they get older and some bits can get harder but overall it's generally easier. 14m is a hard age! I find listening to podcasts or audio books is great for boring play.

also to add I found age 2 to be lovely with my eldest but age 3 has been harder (but then he got a new baby brother at 2.5 who has got more mobile etc as he turned 3, and also started preschool)

If he doesn't want to go in a buggy, would he go in a trike or push along scooter?

Sounds tough, but of course it will get better. Doesn't feel like it now, but in the blink of an eye, he will be starting school.

It feels so hard in this never ending circle of what feels like a lifetime, but honestly it will improve.

It sounds like bollocks people spout when you're stuck in the moment, but this really is a short period of time in your child's life and when he's older and you look back. You probably won't even remember how tough it was.

Keep seeing the friends, prioritise that. It'll get you both through!

Agree with @lochmaree. Good and bad times at any age. The 'terrible twos' are basically when they start to exert themselves and their independence I found. "No" reared it's head a lot. Had to get creative to swerve and try to get them to do what was wanted.

Toddlers can be tricky with little to no time to yourself and tiring - they use up a lot of your energy. You do look back and think "I can't believe I coped with that!" but you do.

It’s difficult when you have no adult company for yourself and your whole day revolves around the baby or toddler.

Id say age 2 isn’t necessarily harder just comes with a new set of challenges! At 2 they try testing the boundaries more, becoming more like a miniature person than just a baby. Their personality is developing.

Do try to get out each day, try to talk to other adults. Invite friends over to you or go to friends with similar aged children if possible- then you can share ideas snd haveca moan together!

People are so irritating. Always desperate to tell you the worst is to come!

I don’t remember two as being harder than one. DD1 went through a phase at three but I think that was more to do with us having a new baby. Two was tiring but delightful with DD2 - she was so funny. Exasperating but hilarious.

A wider point is that you have no support, and you are running on empty. When your free hours kick in, consider if you want to give yourself one extra morning at nursery a week to allow yourself to recharge, if you can afford it and aren’t planning to up your hours as soon as you can.

Do you go to any groups, or do you meet up with antenatal class friends? I found my best friend at NCT - it was so much easier two of us looking after two, than just me looking after one.

It does get easier- a lot easier! He’s at that stage where’s he’s mobile but not confident, can’t play properly, finds it difficult to entertain himself and can’t communicate properly, so relies on mum for all of these things.

I can hand on heart say I never experienced the terrible twos, so that’s not a given.

I found that doing lots of activities were better for my dc. Get the toys out on the floor (they only take minutes to dump back in the toy box later), then get them to help pull the laundry out of the machine, fill a sink with water and bubbles and let them play, messy clothes and hand painting, some CBeebies, making dough and playing in the kitchen, banging the saucepans whilst I wiped up and so on. Not everything has to be sitting and playing with toys is what I’m getting at.

Honestly it won’t feel like it now, but you will miss this stage and the time he wants to spend with you. They become grouchy teens who live in their pits, only communicate with grunts and you see at feeding time! It’s like having large pets! Only they won’t let you snuggle them lol (not all true my dc still love snuggles at 18 and 23!)

Have you tried any mother and baby/toddler groups if that’s your type of thing? However I never took either of mine and they still ended up happy and confident at nursery and school, so don’t worry if it’s not.

Being a mum is hard work especially if you are doing it alone. 🌻

Aww, toddlers aren't easy, it can be a real frustrating slog, but I remember them also being very funny!
With DC1 I am still waiting for the so called terrible twos... while DC2 had terrible first 3.5 years- they are now 19 & 13...
Do you have a local play group you can attend? I know they aren't for everyone, but I found with DC2 it was essential. I was lucky as one of the ladies running it knew about my struggles and literally took him off me so I could have cuppa in peace! (I admit, I arrived once in tears... not my best moment.)

I think 2 is much easier than 14 months because they can walk properly and talk a bit more.

Different people find different things hard and also children are all different so I think all this "ooooh just you wait" is unkind and not true either.

Do you have friends with toddlers? It gets a bit easier once you can pack less stuff! I just tend to bring a nappy and a water bottle. If we go to friends who also have children, then they are entertained playing with their toys and we tend to just use whatever wipes are on the changing table where we are.

I found 1-2.5 the hardest age, 2.5 / 3 onwards things get a lot easier when they can talk, eat better, need less naps, walk further. Yes, there are still tantrums, refusals, nap / tiredness challenges but you can do fun things together without being so dependent on routine and they become more flexible. Then in my experience things get a LOT easier 5 ish onwards once you’ve got past the stressful bit of settling into reception at school! There’s a reason we get 15 free hours from 3, by that point everyone needs a break from each other (if they aren’t in childcare already), those early years feel so long at the time!!

Also, a full day in with a 14 month old would make me feel stressed too, it is repetitive and relentless at times and company for me made everything so much more manageable. Even if it was small talk at the library etc

I always say age 1-2 is the hardest. As they’re still babies yet mobile, but don’t understand dangers so you can’t take your eyes off them and don’t understand why they have to do anything! And also don’t have the attention span to play anything for long. Yes aged 2 is hard in its own way, every stage has its own challenges, but i find it gets easier keeping them entertained as they get older.

I found it got easier (albeit gradually) from 18 months on. We didn't really have terrible twos (he was a nightmare colicky reflux dairy intolerant non sleeping baby though so I was due some respite!).

It’s really difficult when you are on your own with a toddler. My DH has always worked shifts and gets very few weekends off, so when mine were little the weekends felt endless (had 2 under 2
and god it was a slog..). And there’s fewer friends around to meet as they are with their partner having family time. I just got out of the house as much as possible wrapped up in ski suits and let them wander around the parks - fresh air is the answer (whilst trying to not freeze) and a babychino and home

I was really really not a fan of the toddler years. 4 upwards has just got better and better but 2/3 was torture. Luckily I worked full time so it was just push through the weekend and then back to nursery with you! It’s hard OP, repetitive and boring - solidarity

You need to get out and see adults. Toddlers are a lot, you'll go mental if he is your only company. Personally I think the 1-2 stage can be more difficult than 2+ because they still nap loads and get tired walking but they suddenly want to do everything. Once they get a little bit older their energy meets their expectations a bit more.
IDK if this is anything for you but if he is not too heavy could you try a baby carrier? My DD would last walking or in the buggy for about 90 seconds but she liked the baby carrier, I guess because she could see more.

Gosh you’re so close to when it gets better.

I found I really started to find it all more rewarding and enjoyable from around 16 - 20 months when they start to communicate.

I wouldn’t say ‘easier’ in the normal sense but certainly more rewarding and lovely which makes the work itself easier.

There’s a pureness and joy to toddlers that nothing compares to for me. I would say the phases of both mine being two have been the happiest times of my life. You’re still tired, they still have meltdowns, but they also slip their little hand into yours when you walk, take massive pleasure in simple things and say cute little phrases.

Hang on in there.

I was a single mum and I remember so vividly how hard this age was. And especially when the weather gets worse. It really does get better. I promise. I found getting out to soft play, swimming or play cafes gave us a break from each other, but it’s not always affordable. Inviting friends round is a good idea if you can. Failing that, sticking DC in the bath with toys and bubbles always worked a treat. Obviously I had to stay there, but the play didn’t have to involve me so much. Or I could just blow bubbles for DC to pop. I know it seems interminable now. But it does get better.

14 months is really hard. They just want to do what they want to do and obviously you can't reason with them. It does get easier, honest. My youngest is about to turn four and I feel like I'm emerging out of the other side, I have children now rather than babies and it is oh so much easier.

Yes it does get easier.

It sounds like you would benefit from more structured time with other adults. Can you schedule your week a bit so that on the days he is not at nursery, you go out to a toddler group/one o'clock club/church playgroup etc, as much for your benefit, so you ghet to speak with other adults, as his?

Could you invite another mum around for coffee once a week, let them throw teddies around while you get to chat?

What about soft play? You don't really get to meet people there as you always have half an eye on the child, but I found it really tired mine out, they would fall asleep in the pram on the way home and I'd stop at a cafe once a week for a peaceful lunch prepared by someone else while they slept. It was a treat.

Whatever the (male, childless) experts say, now is the time to use TV as a nanny for an hour a day or so. Let him watch while you do something more interesting.

You can also get him to 'help' with housework. at that age, he;s just about old enough to 'clean' a wall with a soft dry cloth while you do some proper cleaning. Or maybe even work out which clothes are dark and which are white to sort the laundry.

It is boring. I used to dread playing with DS2 as he only ever wanted to play the same game again and again and again.I think I read the same bedtime story and sang the same lullaby for a year with DS1 too. They just go through a phase, but it passes.

Something that really helped me at this stage was taking the odd day off work while the kids were in nursery - could you see if any of your friends would be up for a nice day off

Does your library do bookstart reading sessions?

Does your church have a baby and toddler group?

Does Homestart operate in your area?

You sound quite isolated and lonely. I hope these suggestions might help

It ebbs and flows, so it will get easier, then hard again. Every child is different so don't dread 2 as he might not be terrible at all. Try to do things you think are fun that he can join in. My youngest is 17mo and somewhere around 15mo she got very contrary and she's also very strong physically even though she's small. so violence has been a nice theme lately. But it really helped I understood the development going on with the behavior. I knew how to neutralize some situations and explain to my older DD so she didn't get upset. It does help to know those things. I was able to see the humor in her attitude and still have fun with her. Just do some reading, it helps a lot! It does get easier and more exciting as they start talking clearly and cooperating, etc. Repetition is important for their development but it is agony isn't it? I get the book thrown at my face if I don't read it 10 times in a row. Distraction is usually the best way to handle their behavior and your own boredom. I do a lot of "Oh WOW! Look at that!" and quickly hide the thing I'm sick of. Music is probably the biggest cure-all for us though. Turning music on changes their mood entirely. Mine loves to dance. It distracts from tantrums and it tires her out so she sleeps better too. My tips might mean nothing to your child, they are all so unique. But worry not, it will get better and easier. And then hard again. But in the end it will be worth it and you won't remember hardly any of the hard stuff.

In my experience, yes, it does get easier. I found newborn the hardest and then it gradually gets easier and easier. Each step of independence and lessening intensity of parenting.

Is there a playgroup you could join? I always thought that it was never meant to be one woman in a house entertaining one child. The women in the past would have been working or cooking together and all the children would have been playing together in the dirt.

Ideally you need a mum friend or two with a child around the same age. Then the kids play their boring games together whilst you chat and drink coffee.

It does get better, from 18-20 months they start to understand better and express themselves as their language develops so you can "do" more things and it's more interesting for you too (like role play, stickers, drawing....).

What gets harder for some kids is the tantrum because they express their wants more and don't like to be told no, or wait etc.

For the pushchair issue, you could look at getting a buggy board? They're are some second hand ones on Vinted