He's not accepting it's over, shall I just go?

[Ctrlaltanddeleteit]

I've been trying to end things with my partner of 4 years for various reasons. They are very valid reasons, I've been encouraged to move on and do what's right for me.
One telling sign was when I asked my partner if he was in love with me (last week) and he hesitated with an answer.
Anyway, I tried to leave a few weeks ago but he really didn't want me to and was saying xyz will happen, i.e. saying all the right things so I decided to give it a chance.
When I asked him that question last week, I know it seems weird to ask that, but I was at a point where I genuinely didn't believe it and that proved my point.
Maybe it was unfair, I know love can fade somewhat after several years but surely you wouldn't hesitate.
Anyway I got pretty upset that day and basically said to him what's the point of me even being here, am I just a convenience to him, I may as well move out etc. he kept saying he doesn't want me to be upset.
He had to leave for work shortly after that. I haven't seen him since because he had a planned holiday with friends and he's not back until Tuesday.
I made it clear I'm still upset but I don't want to ruin his holiday. However he's just texting me all the time like nothing's happened, sending me holiday pictures and saying he misses me.
I just wish he'd leave me alone tbh.
It's hurtful to imply I'm not the one (not just the in love thing but other conversations insinuate it) and then just carry on.
I'm in talks for other flats, my plan was to phone him on Tuesday and tell him I'll be staying with my parents for a while (they said I should go and stay) whilst I get another place sorted (we rent here)
If I do it in person he'll just plead with me not to again and I'm scared I'll just get sucked in. I just don't know what to do.

Are you hanging in there because you think you may not find someone else in time to have kids? It’s a valid worry.

OP, in all honesty, I am not sure what the issue is here and I suspect that maybe you are not in the right place to date someone at the moment. I love my partner a great deal but if was asking me if he was the one, I wouldn’t find it incredibly strange. And if he was asking me regularly whether I love him, I would eventually find it irritating. If there are tangible issues with your relationship, then you need to communicate about that in a better way rather than asking repeatedly if he loves you.
On your question of “why he won’t let me go”, he’s not actually tied you to a radiator. You didn’t tell him you were leaving, you haven’t broken off the relationship so of course he is going to text you. Why wouldn’t he?
There seems to be a massive communication breakdown all around.
In the nicest possible way, of you want the relationship to end, you need to do it. Don’t expect him to guess your intentions or set a stage for him to leave you instead. Own your decision.

By just sat hoping you see sense you are doing the same as him.

Clinging on to a relationship you know is over. Just carrying on. Refusing to leave.Its exactly the same behaviour he is displaying, that you are complaining about

I am definitely leaving this week. It's not that I want it to end because I don't enjoy it, but I don't really think there's any point in staying. I should've left that evening but I knew I wouldn't see him again for several days.

My advice would be to go home to your parents, take a breather and some space from him, get your own flat sorted and take time to heal your mental health. As a PP said don’t cling to a relationship, there’s no point of having someone in your life “just because”. Take time to have a really good think. After 4 years of it’s not working you need to move on, don’t waste you’re life looking for a fairytale that isn’t there, you deserve better.

I do see what people mean and your points are valid.

Why does it take strength on Tuesday? Just pack your stuff up and leave tomorrow/Monday.

You don't need to have a face to face and then start packing. They rarely go how anybody wants them to.

Why on earth would you wait to leave until Tuesday? What do you think that will prove, except for causing more stupid drama?

Stop being a passenger in your own life. You are too old for this nonsense.

You don't love him - so go. Don't play games trying to get him to say "You are the one" when you're actually planning to leave. Or do you want him to beg you to stay??

Four years is long enough when you’re 34, you want kids and he’s still not sure.

It’s over.

Start packing. Move back to your parent’s home before he’s back on Tuesday.

Thank fuck you don’t have kids or legal ties with him.

You’ve got time to meet someone else who is willing to commit and have children with you.

That doesn’t even make sense.

you would have left that evening but knew you wouldn’t see him for a few days?

If you had left you wouldn’t have seen him at all. You would have actually split up. So what does it matter you wouldn’t be seeing him for a few days?

This is why people are saying you are playing games. You don’t leave because you personally benefitted by staying. Wether it was seeing if he contacted you while away, or thinking him being away means he will come back and declare you the love of his life, or it meant you can wait til he gets back and have a huge dramatic scene. Not seeing him for a few days was a perfect time to leave.

Power games. Eeeuw. Easy for me to say but you need to take
it into yourself properly and think deeply

What's troubles me Op is you say you're leaving but it's clear that's not what you want, yoy want him to love you and be committed to you, I fear that he'll come back, say he loves you and you'll stay. I'm a lot older than you and I can tell you one thing with absolute certainity _ words are cheap, anyone can say anything but it doesn't make it true. He'll say he loves you, you stay, years pass but mysteriously you never marry, he's still not ready for children and then it's too late. Please do yourself a favour, don't give him any more of your life, leave and move on