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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dad left in a huff because of the dog

42 replies

LittlestG · 02/12/2023 18:30

One of my brothers is hosting myself, DH and DD along with other brother and SIL for the night. We're having a takeaway this evening and just have a generally nice time. Dad was also invited with Step-Mum, we have a fractious relationship as he was quite abusive when we were younger, which may or may not add context. Dad said he'd only come if he could bring his dog.

My brother had told him that if he brought the dog with him, he'd have to keep him in the kitchen because they have two cats, and our DD is terrified of my dad's dog after he knocked her over and kept trying to hump her last time she saw him. He's very badly behaved and my brother didn't want the dog in the house at all, but agreed on the compromise of having the dog in the kitchen until they went to their nearby Air BnB for the night (there isn't enough space for Dad and Step-Mum to stay here, plus they found a dog friendly place to stay which made more sense than leaving the dog in the kitchen all night).

Anyway, long story short, my Dad has driven 3 hours down to visit and within 15 minutes has left my brother's house after having a huge huff, because he said he wouldn't put the dog in the kitchen and immediately tried to bring it into the front room. My brother said he couldn't do that because of DD, nephew and the cats and he wasn't happy.

Dad has flown off the handle, said he doesn't feel welcome and that it wasn't fair on him, or the dog. Dad said he felt that it wasn't fair on the dog because the dog might 'chew things' if he was left on his own, but my brother feels like he told Dad from the start that the dog was only allowed in the kitchen and it's his house and his rules.

My brother is really quite upset, have we been unreasonable by not chasing him out of the house and telling Dad to stay?

OP posts:

ANightingale · 02/12/2023 18:33

Clearly not unreasonable. Your dad needs to train his dog! Though even if his dog was the Crufts Obedience Champion, your brother would still be within his rights to limit where it can go in his house, or ban it altogether.

crackofdoom · 02/12/2023 18:33

YANBU at all. Once a bully always a bully it seems.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2023 18:34

Your dad is a petulant man baby, and he clearly hasn't changed for the better over the years. Let him flounce off, all the way home. He doesn't get to call the shots in someone else's house.

Greenpolkadot · 02/12/2023 18:34

Your dad sounds like an unreasonable ah. Your brother told him prior to the visit that the dog would have to stay in the kitchen.
What is with these dog owners who think their pets can do no wrong

Floralnomad · 02/12/2023 18:34

He knew the rules for bringing the dog if he didn’t like it he shouldn’t have come .

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 02/12/2023 18:35

Your dad sounds like an arsehole. Be glad he lives 3 ha away!

Butchyrestingface · 02/12/2023 18:36

Did your step-mother stay? Hope so. Then you can all have a pleasant evening without the tantrumming terror.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 02/12/2023 18:36

He had the rules explained to him in advance, accepted, then had a tantrum when he was expected to actually follow through and behave like a grown up, rather than all of you agreeing that he is super-special and rules/agreements don’t really apply to him unless he wants them to.
What a treasure.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 02/12/2023 18:36

As a pp said, once a bully, always a bully. It's not about the dog, it's about doing what he wants to do and then flouncing because your brother dared to stand up to him.

Poor stepmum, too, as she has to live with him.

OrigamiOwl · 02/12/2023 18:36

crackofdoom · 02/12/2023 18:33

YANBU at all. Once a bully always a bully it seems.

Absolutely this. Couldn't have put it any better.

Your dad is at fault. He knew the dog would have to stay in the kitchen. He just wanted to bully his way to getting what he wants and has gone off in a sulk because it hasn't worked this time.

Pootles34 · 02/12/2023 18:37

So let him leave. He's an abusive asshole - why are you speaking to him? Might this be a good opportunity to talk to your siblings about presenting a united front against him?

Chamomileteaplease · 02/12/2023 18:37

as he was quite abusive when we were younger

he still is.

Sparkletastic · 02/12/2023 18:39

Start making much less effort to see your dad and encourage DB to do the same

TomatoSandwiches · 02/12/2023 18:42

Nah, the nasty bastard was never going to agree with keeping the dog in the kitchen.
He thinks he is more important than anyone else and wants it all his way, this was a power play, let him sod off and sulk, don't you dare apologise and try to enjoy the rest of your time.

Fulshaw · 02/12/2023 18:43

I have to wonder a) why you still bother to see your dad and b) why you are exposing your DD to his behaviour

PinkLemons99 · 02/12/2023 18:43

Do not let your arsehole dad spoil your evening with your siblings. Pretend he never arrived and carry on having a nice time.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/12/2023 18:44

YANBU - Your brother was clear in his instructions from the get go and your dad basically arrived expecting your brother to cave and just give in to his demands. Well done to your brother I hope you backed him up in the argument

Puffypuffin · 02/12/2023 18:47

YANBU at all and nor is your brother. I can't stand when people are told of a situation from the start then expect to bully others into bending to their will. Let your dad have his sulk and enjoy your evening.

AdoraBell · 02/12/2023 18:49

Your dad is clearly trying to manipulate everyone. Your DB clearly explained about the visiting dog/cats/DD and your dad purposely ignored what he was told.

Mrgrinch · 02/12/2023 18:49

He's clearly not used to being told no. Good on your brother for putting his foot down. Hope MIL didn't also leave.

CherryBlossom321 · 02/12/2023 18:53

Let him have his tantrum. Don’t react.

wjpa · 02/12/2023 18:55

He was quite abusive, this context is critical.

Arrangements were made, he tried to override them immediately and threw a tantrum when he didn't get his way.

Have a nice time with your family, minus this twat.

Why are you in contact with him? Think really carefully about that.

BackOfTheMum5net · 02/12/2023 18:56

I’m a dog person, and I think your brother was very accommodating.

Flidina · 02/12/2023 19:00

Enjoy your time with your family and forget about him, some people just like the drama and being a martyr, sounds like he's one of them.

FloofCloud · 02/12/2023 19:11

Sorry but your dad is a bully and unreasonable. He's basically an arsehole and you're well rid of him! Let him stew and never ever back down or you'll really regret it

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