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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think with a child at school Annual Leave should be planned carefully?

82 replies

fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 17:54

My little one is starting school next year and I am nervous about the holidays. There are two of us so I'm thinking most people in our situation would try to split the school holidays and perhaps hope for a week at the grandparents house in the summer?

Anyway, my husband has just announced he's booked a week off in March to go off with his mates. I'm pissed off AIBU? Or is it fair enough as its a stag do?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2023 20:09

Something else to factor in is any events at school you might want to go to that need you to book leave for. Class assemblies, sports day…

randomsabreuse · 02/12/2023 20:10

You won't have enough leave between you to cover everything so get to know local holiday club options. Depending on flexibility you might get away with morning/afternoon type camps in time.

If DC is summer born reception is the worst year as most holiday camps can't take U5s, or can only take them for 2 hours which is pretty useless for work.

I'd plan to take a week together for an actual holiday, some leave separately, split Christmas period and save some odd days for insets, strikes and random stuff where there are no holiday clubs on.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 02/12/2023 20:10

He’s taking the piss. Never mind the school holidays, he should have asked in the first place, not told you after he booked it 😏

RidingMyBike · 02/12/2023 20:12

We do a mixture and make sure both of us get some time off that's childfree as that's only fair.

We then use holiday clubs - no functioning grandparents so we don't have that option.

RidingMyBike · 02/12/2023 20:22

You'll also need some leave to cover INSET days as there isn't usually paid childcare available those days. That's five a year but those can be nice as days out as venues are quieter.

School often finishes at noon on the last day of term so that's another half day off at least needed.

Some hours here and there to go to special assemblies, sports day. Parents 'evening' is in the afternoon twice a year so that's two more half days.

Will depend on your employer but we have a lot of staff with school-age children and a service to keep running so leave is taken in turns to be fair.

Original poster
fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 20:24

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2023 20:09

Something else to factor in is any events at school you might want to go to that need you to book leave for. Class assemblies, sports day…

Ahhhh thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 20:25

randomsabreuse · 02/12/2023 20:10

You won't have enough leave between you to cover everything so get to know local holiday club options. Depending on flexibility you might get away with morning/afternoon type camps in time.

If DC is summer born reception is the worst year as most holiday camps can't take U5s, or can only take them for 2 hours which is pretty useless for work.

I'd plan to take a week together for an actual holiday, some leave separately, split Christmas period and save some odd days for insets, strikes and random stuff where there are no holiday clubs on.

Oh no!!!!! LO is summer born. Thanks for heads up.

At this rate I'm going to have to go part time :(

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 02/12/2023 20:33

fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 20:25

Oh no!!!!! LO is summer born. Thanks for heads up.

At this rate I'm going to have to go part time :(

Show quote history

Of course you won’t. Don’t be ridiculous. When kids start school is when most people start thinking about increasing their hours as childcare cost reduces!
There will be plenty of holiday club options. The school may well run their own and even if some won’t take under 5s some will. DD2 is summer born and we never had any problems. Most cost £20-30 a day some even provide lunch. You’re stressing yourself out over something that doesn’t need stressing over

CyberCritical · 02/12/2023 20:34

2024 you will need leave in September for staggered starts, October for half term and Xmas holidays. There will also probably be a couple of half days for a parents 'evening' which will be between 3.00 and 5pm after the half term holiday and some kind of Xmas nativity/carol service. Worth holding a couple of days back for the inevitable autumn/winter viruses too.

2025 you'll need to be very careful with leave as you'll have 13 weeks of holidays to cover plus any school events and sickness.

In our house we do it like this:

Feb holidays - me
Easter - holiday clubs/friends
May holidays - DH
First week of summer holidays - both of us for a family holiday
Last week of summer holidays - me
Rest of summer holidays (4/5 weeks) - holiday clubs
Oct holidays - DH
Xmas holidays - mix of me and DH

We each hold back 1 week to account for the random inset days, school events and sickness.

NameChange30 · 02/12/2023 20:37

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2023 20:09

Something else to factor in is any events at school you might want to go to that need you to book leave for. Class assemblies, sports day…

Yes; in December there's the nativity and in July there's sports day. The odd event apart from that but those are the main ones.

PermanentTemporary · 02/12/2023 20:37

I think a short sharp 'Fucking hell! Are you taking the kid with you? Who's looking after them for the week?' now might help bring home to him that it's not ok to assume you are the default parent and that he can opt in and out when he feels like it.

Do you have any parents involved? If you have that option, there's usually an all hands on deck situation in the holidays. I always found the half terms the most tricky as requesting leave then is so competitive, followed by random inset days, followed by the two weeks when ds had chickenpox - he wasn't terribly ill but couldn't be with anyone but me and dh. I'd seriously consider the chicken pox vaccine.

CyberCritical · 02/12/2023 20:37

randomsabreuse · 02/12/2023 20:10

You won't have enough leave between you to cover everything so get to know local holiday club options. Depending on flexibility you might get away with morning/afternoon type camps in time.

If DC is summer born reception is the worst year as most holiday camps can't take U5s, or can only take them for 2 hours which is pretty useless for work.

I'd plan to take a week together for an actual holiday, some leave separately, split Christmas period and save some odd days for insets, strikes and random stuff where there are no holiday clubs on.

We had this problem when DD started reception but found that private nurseries often run holiday clubs for under 5s so were able to use them. Then when she started yr1 we found a great outdoor pursuits centre that do childcare during all the holidays and on any inset/emergency closure days. Not cheap but they do kayaking, bell boats, bushcraft, climbing, archery and all sorts of other fun stuff.

NameChange30 · 02/12/2023 20:38

fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 20:25

Oh no!!!!! LO is summer born. Thanks for heads up.

At this rate I'm going to have to go part time :(

Show quote history

And is he considering part time I wonder...
is he fuck.

Papillon23 · 02/12/2023 21:40

So let's say you (between you) need 2 weeks leave to cover early September, a week for October and 3 weeks for Christmas (so you can have a week off together). You won't quite need 3 at Christmas because of the bank holidays so that should cover the odd parents evening.

That's 6 weeks of leave. You should have at least 8 between you, probably more.

So maybe not ideal, but certainly doable, even with a week long stag do.

(That doesn't mean booking a holiday without checking is okay, but total holiday is not the issue here.)

2025 will be where you'll end up needing holiday clubs etc.

SunRainStorm · 03/12/2023 07:08

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 18:14

I’m an ideal world yes but given it’s a stag do it’s fine as a one off. But make sure you also have some time to yourself without the kids maybe a spa day or weekend away etc. if that’s what you want.

He took a week.

You suggest she gets a day or a weekend?

Why is her time worth so much less than his?

AhBiscuits · 03/12/2023 07:15

With kids in school annual leave is a military operation in this house, every hour accounted for. We rely on holiday clubs and grandma helping with the odd day to make it work.
In summer we use holiday clubs for 3 weeks, a week off each and a week off together.

If your kid is starting in September then next year is the last time he'll be able to have the extravagance of a kid free, term time holiday, so make sure he's on board with that.

YireosDodeAver · 03/12/2023 07:23

Yanbu that his decision isn't reasonable. Juggling leave to cover 12 weeks of school holidays when you only have 10 weeks between you and you want to overlap and all be off for at least a week in summer and a bit over Christmas, the odd long weekend away and occasional days or half days for school plays and sports days is tough and that's before all the leave you need for inevitable emergency childcare duecto sickness bugs and chickenpox. If he's taking a week of jolly with his nates then you deserve one too, so you are down to 8 weeks.

While your DC is in reception I would recommend that you both take advantage of your right to unpaid parental leave taking 2 weeks eaxh off unpaid. Stagger those weeks through the year to minimise impact on income. Once DC is a bit older you can use holiday clubs more but those are a bit overwhelming for a reception kid imo.

crikeyisthatthetimez · 03/12/2023 07:31

Single parent here too if you can get term time definitely take the hit financially it's less stressful & the years go fast too

randomsabreuse · 03/12/2023 07:48

There's also a rule that if you save leave for illness and strikes you won't need it. I'm taking random days in December to get my leave balance down to what I can carry forwards after strikes got cancelled and neither kid got ill! I'm sure if I'd not had the leave left (uni so get a LOT) they'd have been ill more but COVID taught them to wash hands properly and got chicken pox out the way early (would recommend vaccination if not already had it as it tends to be at least a week off school and siblings get it at 2 week intervals!

ZenNudist · 03/12/2023 07:54

NatMoz · 02/12/2023 17:57

It might be ok next year if child starts in September as you would only need to cover october and Christmas between you.

However i would imagine you'll have to be very careful the year after.

This. Next year you'll be fine. Try and plan a non school holiday break as well before July because from September you'll be stuck to school holidays which is £££

ZenNudist · 03/12/2023 07:58

fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 20:25

Oh no!!!!! LO is summer born. Thanks for heads up.

At this rate I'm going to have to go part time :(

Show quote history

No need to go part time. Just get your holiday club provision lined up. Also you mention grandparents won't they want to see dc in holidays?

WarningOfGails · 03/12/2023 08:01

DH can only have 4 weeks of holiday in the school holidays, so also gets to take 4 weeks holiday whenever he likes when the kids are in school. He always asks if the dates he’s booking are okay - there might be something on he needs to be around for. I think that a brief consultation is a very reasonable expectation from your parent partner.

LlynTegid · 03/12/2023 08:07

Yes conversation and planning and others have made some useful suggestions.

As for the stag do, no doubt going somewhere to abuse the local people and if flying, one of the first that should be stopped to reduce carbon emissions.

wateraddict · 03/12/2023 08:10

There's some great advice in this thread and I think you may feel less worried when you know more. The new routine of school brings extra mental load until it feels familiar and you're right it always needs to be considered. I would feel frustrated if my other half did the same but with a chat hopefully you can both see the impact this would have in future years and come to an agreement.

You can start your spreadsheet now and go onto your primary school calendar if they have one, or search the council site for dates for schools in your area. The latter has the dates for two school years ahead to help families plan in my area so yours may be the same. Our school tends to only confirm inset days in the sept of each year but you can speak to the school then you have a confirmed place.

Ask your friends with older kids what clubs or childminding services they have used. Does your child go to any hobbies that do camps in the holidays? I live in a city which helps but football and gymnastics camps can be such a help when they are already familiar with the location in which they go to their hobby/ sport. If they don't already do a class with a camp run in the holidays, you have lots of time to consider if one may be interesting for your child and sign them up if that is an option for you. I hope this helps!

LaMariposa · 03/12/2023 08:19

Biggest shock to my husband when I left teaching and moves to a FT office role. Suddenly he had to use all of his holiday for childcare too.
We sit down at the start of the year and divide the weeks/days up, including a couple of weeks holiday camp in the summer, and a week and a few long weekend as a family. Holiday camp is built into our family budget.
Last summer he realised he was a week short on his time, as he’d booked a few days for himself here and there. His choice, but I told him sorting that weeks cover was on him as I was working. He managed to find a tennis camp, book it and pay for it - childcare is not 100% my issue even if he does earn 3x as much as me, and he had the choice of unpaid leave or paying for the extra holiday care.

And as a bonus, I can now book the occasional day or half day just for me too.