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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think with a child at school Annual Leave should be planned carefully?

82 replies

fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 17:54

My little one is starting school next year and I am nervous about the holidays. There are two of us so I'm thinking most people in our situation would try to split the school holidays and perhaps hope for a week at the grandparents house in the summer?

Anyway, my husband has just announced he's booked a week off in March to go off with his mates. I'm pissed off AIBU? Or is it fair enough as its a stag do?

OP posts:
Plankingplanks · 02/12/2023 19:19

Gymmum82 · 02/12/2023 19:10

We don’t really ‘carefully plan’ we each book time off for holidays. To cover childcare. Or for ourselves if there happens to be something like an event. The rest we just book holiday clubs to cover. No drama

I've managed to get 3 kids through school doing this. If you both work, then you just reconcile yourself to paying childcare in the holidays, otherwise you will have 6 or 7 years of never spending annual leave together.

Icannoteven · 02/12/2023 19:19

It depends what sort of options you have available. If you live in an area where there are lots of holiday clubs or you have family or friends nearby you can split the holidays with then maybe it didn’t occur to your OH that they would need to save their leave. Have you previously discussed this?

it IS a bit bizarre of him to not mention to you that he is going away though, before booking. It is a bit of an assumption that you will be available to pick up his parenting slack at this time!

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 02/12/2023 19:21

You haven’t got a child in school until September 2024 though? So yes YABU.

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 19:25

Nofilteritwonthelp · 02/12/2023 18:32

Well surely this is important to him as I'm sure there will be things that are important to you? He's entitled to spend time with friends surely?

But maybe consult with your partner prior to booking?

Jackiebrambles · 02/12/2023 19:26

Yes there’s October half term which depending on where you live could be 1 week or two off.

A whole week away for a stag is a tad excessive!

Original poster
fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 19:27

Icannoteven · 02/12/2023 19:19

It depends what sort of options you have available. If you live in an area where there are lots of holiday clubs or you have family or friends nearby you can split the holidays with then maybe it didn’t occur to your OH that they would need to save their leave. Have you previously discussed this?

it IS a bit bizarre of him to not mention to you that he is going away though, before booking. It is a bit of an assumption that you will be available to pick up his parenting slack at this time!

Yeah that's what's annoyed me I think. Just the I'm away this week. No..is it going to be OK of I'm off for this week?

OP posts:
Original poster
fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 19:30

dontbesillyofcourse · 02/12/2023 19:16

Although it is unpaid, parental leave can help as every parent is entitled to it if you have worked for your company for over a year. You're entitled to up to four weeks a year for each child up to 18 weeks per child until they are 18. You need to give 21 days notice of taking it and take it in weekly portions. This is separate and different from taking emergency leave when your children are ill. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

FOUR WEEKS! I thought it was only 2! OK so looking at that it looks like it's an idea to apply for that as soon as possible and be prepared they say no but you can have these weeks off instead. Does this tend to go down on with employers?

OP posts:
Original poster
fairygalaxy · 02/12/2023 19:31

Balloonhearts · 02/12/2023 19:13

I wouldn't begrudge him a stag do but a stag do is one night so 2 days off at most! Not a bloody week! That's a piss take.

So thats another week of A/L! I'm getting so stressed now.

I think I'll have to set up a spreadsheet for 2024 when we get nearer the time

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 02/12/2023 19:32

Do you both work full time? Do you have the same number of annual leave days each? Is the annual leave year done by calendar year (Jan-Dec) for both of you?

Assuming this trip is in March 2024 and your child is starting school in September 2024, with annual leave years done by calendar year, it should be fine this time, but not in future. I mean, I wouldn't be too impressed about a week-long stag do, personally (a long weekend is fine, a week when you're leaving young kids at home, no). But he's booked it now. I guess you could ask when you'll get a week to go on holiday with your friends? Is there enough money in the family budget for a week's holiday each with friends plus a week's family holiday? If I were you I'd want to go on holiday all together in June or early July, to make the most of the term time holiday prices before DC starts school.

As PPs said, there might be a staggered start in September, then there's October half term, and the Christmas holidays, plus inset days through the year. You should be able to find the dates on the school website.

For holiday childcare we use a mixture of annual leave, holiday clubs and occasionally family help. It's not easy and we don't have annual leave left over for ourselves - maybe one or two days each throughout the year - but we do ensure we take some time off together. It helps that neither of us work between Christmas and NY (our offices are closed).

OneCup · 02/12/2023 19:32

Yes, he should have consulted you.

EsmereldaTheThird · 02/12/2023 19:37

I’d put a week of annual leave jn and book a holiday for myself, tell him the dates you’re away then tell him he needs to cover the October break. Selfish arse that he is.

LIZS · 02/12/2023 19:39

So you on,y need to cover September to December this year, but 2025 will need more attentive planning. Presumably you would hope to take a holiday together at some point. Can either of "buy" extra leave?

TolkiensFallow · 02/12/2023 19:42

Me and DH don’t take leave at opposite times. We use playschemes and also “buy” a bit of extra annual leave at work. So your DH will have to stump up for a playscheme!

batsandeggs · 02/12/2023 19:43

This year will be fine but yeah you’ll need to sit and work out what holidays you need to take and split for the following year and he’ll need to be mindful of it. I’m purposely saving my leave early in the year in anticipation of unexpected things come up (especially illness) when mine starts school in August. I wouldn’t just book a week without discussing with my husband. It’s a pain the arse really, especially summer. Clubs in my area are so hard to get into with a huge demand, but such is life.

Chickenkeev · 02/12/2023 19:44

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 18:14

I’m an ideal world yes but given it’s a stag do it’s fine as a one off. But make sure you also have some time to yourself without the kids maybe a spa day or weekend away etc. if that’s what you want.

I can't agree with any of this. In an ideal world, we wouldn't have to plan, we could do what we want, when we want. But for most people, it's not an ideal world, and we do have to plan. Especially when there are are children involved. Randomly booking that without consultation does not paint this guy in a good light.

Parker231 · 02/12/2023 19:45

Nofilteritwonthelp · 02/12/2023 18:32

Well surely this is important to him as I'm sure there will be things that are important to you? He's entitled to spend time with friends surely?

Fine but who is going to look after DC’s during the school holidays - looks like he’ll have to pay for holiday club.

ColleenDonaghy · 02/12/2023 19:46

I think you'll be fine from the school pov as she doesn't start til sept.

However, he's married with a small child, he doesn't get to unilaterally book a week away without discussing with you. That's a complete piss take.

What's he like otherwise? How would he feel about you fucking off for a week and leaving him to it?

ColleenDonaghy · 02/12/2023 19:47

But also yes, re school holidays, try find a good after school club that does school holidays and then it'll be fine (if not cheap - but still cheaper than nursery so doesn't feel too bad!).

Beezknees · 02/12/2023 19:48

Is there childcare available near you?

I'm a lone parent with no help so I could only cover 5 weeks out of 13. The rest of the time I had to use paid childcare.

YANBU to expect him to discuss booking holidays with you before doing it.

maddening · 02/12/2023 19:52

We use a spreadsheet and I plan a year ahead to make sure it is fair

AuntMarch · 02/12/2023 19:54

Yanbu to be annoyed he didn't discuss it and make sure it would work for the family. If it was a close friend I'd try and make sure he could go even in a full school year - but we'd need to make sure we could cover all the holidays (with clubs or grabdparents or whatever) before he could book!

Fudgeandcaramel · 02/12/2023 19:59

It’s a nightmare - more if you don’t have family help and a lot of holiday clubs don’t take 4 year olds. If your little one is at or has been at a childminder before now I would check with them about whether they can go there during the holidays when you’re working - as it’s a familiar homely environment.
What do we do? I have bought an extra week of annual leave, through a salary forfeit scheme. So I have 7 weeks a year. DH has 6 in theory although he doesn’t always take all of them. We take 4 weeks off together and then take leave off separately to cover, which means that 8-9 weeks are covered and holiday camp is minimised, as DS hates it. And yes - it’s a spreadsheet which we do after Christmas at the same time as we book the year’s family holidays, it’s negotiated and if DH says he can cover particular weeks and then it turns out he can’t really (this has happened in the past) I get annoyed. He now understands that it is a cast iron commitment and needs early negotiation with his boss/team.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/12/2023 20:05

We have never really planned more than family holidays but we are lucky that family have helped out and I work part time so it's not 5 days a week that need covering.

Look on the school website or local authority website and that should give you an idea of school holidays in your area. Here there is a one week half term in October, February and May, a fortnight at Christmas and Easter and six weeks summer holidays. Then teacher training days.

Fionaville · 02/12/2023 20:06

Tbh I think that any man with young kids, who buggers off for a week for a lads holiday (stag do's included) is a selfish arsehole, but that's just me.

TeenLifeMum · 02/12/2023 20:07

We had a colour coded spreadsheet 🙈

dc now all in secondary and now we take the odd bit of annual leave for non childcare reasons (5 days in Lanzarote with friends for my 40th!). Couldn’t do that when they were little though.