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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this ?

50 replies

IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 15:19

My aunt is a narcissist and without being rude has a massive nose, thin lips and balding hair despite only being in her sixties. She has many undiagnosed health problems, is extremely critical of others etc. Problem is all my life I have been told I look just like her despite having different coloured eyes and body shapes etc. Today I was near her neighbourhood shopping and someone actually stopped me to tell me that I must be related to “Jane” as “You look completely identical to her but a younger version and oh my goodness I cannot believe it. I have never seen anyone resemble each other so much” going on and on. It’s left me feeling really sad and weird. This happens a lot but seems to get worse the older I am. I don’t want to look like her or constantly be told this. Aibu to feel this way?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 02/12/2023 15:26

YANBU to be upset by this if you see your aunt as unattractive. Not sure what her personality traits and her being critical of others has to do with it though, they aren’t saying you look like a bad person or unhealthy, they are just spotting a family resemblance

Brefugee · 02/12/2023 15:28

Horrible comments about your aunt. If you look like her how are you going to cope with people saying that about you?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2023 15:29

I think it's totally understandable that this bothers you.

Thatbloodyhedge · 02/12/2023 15:30

Bloody hell 😂

Original poster
IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 15:33

I’m not a narcissist who is horrible and judgemental about other people. Nobody would ever describe me as those things. That’s why it upsets me that I look according to most people, identical to her. I know the physical traits aren’t her fault but it’s more the personality which bothers me because I hate to be associated with someone like that.
It’s hard to explain and maybe I haven’t done so here. I’m guessing I will get a lot of “You are a hypocrite “ type comments but just needed to get it as DH doesn’t understand.

OP posts:
Pluviophile1 · 02/12/2023 15:34

Eventually, you're going to have to make your peace with the fact that you look like your aunt. Or drastically change your appearance.

Baublewarble · 02/12/2023 15:34

Get some lip fillers

BallerinaFall · 02/12/2023 15:34

It seems you could be her, you look like her and are rude, egotistical and spiteful.

HappyHamsters · 02/12/2023 15:35

Sorry wrong post

Itiswhysofew · 02/12/2023 15:36

HappyHamsters · 02/12/2023 15:35

Sorry wrong post

Edited

😆

Itiswhysofew · 02/12/2023 15:39

You know that you're not like her, and that's the most important thing.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/12/2023 15:43

Your personality has nothing to do with the fact that you clearly resemble your aunt physically. I’m not sure what you can do about this really. Your eye colour and body shape don’t have much to do with it either if it’s the facial features that are strongly similar.

Do you agree that you look alike facially?

SgtBilko · 02/12/2023 15:45

You sound a bit narcissistic yourself OP.

Original poster
IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 15:46

Not as much as people say and think it’s a bit ridiculous to say it’s almost like looking at the same person etc especially as I say with the different coloured eyes and body shape. It’s hardly identical in that situation and the fact there is 24 years between us as well…
I think a lot of people’s personality is shown through the face which is why it bothers me so much.

OP posts:
QueenofTerrasen · 02/12/2023 15:47

Well this doesn't make sense - you are upset you've been told you look the same, you're back tracking in saying it's the personality that's upset you. They didn't say "oh my god you have the same personality as your aunt you massive narcissist".
Not particularly nice to come online and moan how awful it would be to look like someone else, is it?

QueenofTerrasen · 02/12/2023 15:48

At least own the fact that it's the superficial aspect that's pissed you off, no one is buying that you're worried you have the same personality if someone says you look alike.

Original poster
IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 15:49

I’ve just explained that a lot of the personality is shown in the face which is why it upsets me. But yes the nose and hair is something that makes me self conscious but I know that isn’t her fault but someone pointing out the resemblance yet again made me more aware of it.
If you knew my aunt you would understand.

OP posts:
ChannelyourinnerElsa · 02/12/2023 15:52

IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 15:49

I’ve just explained that a lot of the personality is shown in the face which is why it upsets me. But yes the nose and hair is something that makes me self conscious but I know that isn’t her fault but someone pointing out the resemblance yet again made me more aware of it.
If you knew my aunt you would understand.

The personality is not in the face!! Come
off it. If it were, then no one would marry a narcissist, or a twat, or a jealous woman, or an aggressive man. Because they’d see it, if you are right, wouldn’t they?

SgtBilko · 02/12/2023 15:53

If you think your aunt is not a very nice person then just try hard not to be like her. Criticising her appearance isn’t nice and she can’t help her nose or her hair as you can’t. The most plain looking girl at my school when I was growing up had a fabulous personality, always had loads of friends and boyfriends because she was lovely to people, friendly, uncritical and fun.

MammaTill2Pojkar · 02/12/2023 16:01

If it's really the personality that upsets you then there was absolutely 0 need to describe her appearance in such an unflattering way, a description of her personality and simply being told you resemble her would suffice, adding in that you believe faces can reveal personality traits. I think you are not being honest with yourself and the similar appearance bothers you much more than you say (regardless of personality traits).

IncompleteSenten · 02/12/2023 16:03

Just because you physically resemble her does not mean you share her character or that other people will assume that you do, if that's what's worrying you.

FreshWinterMorning · 02/12/2023 23:47

Good grief! Confused

Baublewarble · 02/12/2023 23:56

I DO know your aunt. You tend to hate what you resemble. But it’s not your personality so work on that

InsomniacA · 03/12/2023 09:23

Not sure if this is helpful, but I started taking Viviscal hair supplements two years ago and can see a real difference in the thickness and quality of my hair. If you are looking for something like that, it might help if you are self conscious about your hair.

Have you had bloodwork done? There could well be a vitamin deficiency or thyroid issue causing hair thinning.

Member869894 · 03/12/2023 09:28

Sorry but this made me laugh op
I'm always being told I look like an aunt who I think got hit by all the branches of the ugly tree and who i dont particularly like. Just don't dwell on it as there's not a great deal you can do about it x