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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kidney stone - husband refusing to go to hospital.

33 replies

bluedelphiniums · 02/12/2023 14:03

My husband went to the GP yesterday morning as he woke up peeing blood. (Or had a lot of blood in his pee, I should say). GP took a urine sample and told him to ring back if anything changed. Severe pain in his kidneys started around late afternoon plus nausea, but he hasn't actually been sick and doesn't have a temperature. Have spoken to a friend who's a GP, and they said to go to A&E to get it checked out but agreed it sounded like kidney stones. Husband says he's managing the pain and is very reluctant to go and sit in A&E for hours. AIBU to be pushing him? I've read online that there can be complications if a stone gets blocked in the ureter, including sepsis, the implications of which I fully understand. But equally, some medical websites say if you can manage the pain, then it's ok to stay at home. Does anyone have experience of kidney stones?

OP posts:

PossumintheHouse · 02/12/2023 14:07

I’d keep encouraging him to go to hospital. Kidney stone pain can become excruciating. My fiancé suddenly developed pain one evening and it became so severe he collapsed screaming in pain and could barely walk. An ambulance had to take him to A&E in the end. It was so sudden and he has a really high pain threshold.

TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 14:09

I agree with PP. The pain can be really dreadful. He ought to go to A and E.

sparkellie · 02/12/2023 14:11

Please tell him to go.
Whilst it does sound like kidney stones, he doesn't have a definitive diagnosis.
Not to try and scare you, but my partner was told he had probable kidney stones, but actually had stage 4 kidney cancer, which wasn't picked up until he had a scan, and he passed away 2 months after diagnosis.
More than likely your partner will be fine, but please tell him to get checked out at a&e as soon as he can do.

Mothership4two · 02/12/2023 14:15

DH has had it several times and was in agony and, as other posters have said, intense pain can come on quickly. A&E tend to get you through fairly quickly. He perforated his urethra once which was worrying and spent a week in hospital.

Crabcakeswin · 02/12/2023 14:15

Definitely go to hospital, even if it's just for pain management, as kidney stones can be agonising. If a stone is large and blocks a ureter/other tube, he could also go into urinary retention and get an infection, which would make things way worse. Very small kidney stones can be peed out but he needs a scan (think he may need to ask for MRI or ultrasound? But not sure) so they can see if he has stones, and if so how many, their size and location

Havanananana · 02/12/2023 14:24

If he's unlucky enough to have the kidney stone get stuck, you'll know soon enough. "Excruciating ... screaming in pain and could barely walk." You can add vomiting and losing consciousness. Been there, done that - don't ever want to have it happen again. You'll need to be ready to take him to A&E unless an ambulance can get to him within minutes of your call. The pain can occur very suddenly and without warning.

Another issue is that very often there is more than one of the bastards, which will only be revealed if he has a scan. If there are several stones he'll probably need an operation of some sort - usually zapping the stones with shock waves (Lithotripsy) which can be done as an outpatient. The sooner he gets on the list for this, the sooner he'll have it done - believe me, he doesn't want to wait until another of them gets stuck.

greencheetah · 02/12/2023 14:29

Well yes, he should go to get checked out, why is he being so ridiculous about it?

I have little sympathy for men like this, and would be inclined to go out and leave him to it.

Luxell934 · 02/12/2023 14:31

Why are men like this? Absolutely ridiculous he won’t go to A&E for severe kidney pain and pissing blood. It’s probably not going to just get better on its own, plus you can’t even be sure it is kidney stones without a proper diagnosis. Get him to A&E now.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/12/2023 14:35

I’ve had kidney stones twice (have a funny shaped kidney which means that I’m more prone to them apparently!), both times I stayed home managing pain for 3-4 days but ended up going to the hospital in the end and both times scans showed they were too big to pass, so I had lithotripsy to try and break it up, and both times that didn’t work so I had surgery to remove them. If he can manage the pain for now and doesn’t want to sit in a&e for hours on end (which I can understand because when I had that pain, lying down was best not sitting on an uncomfy seat for potentially 6-8 hours waiting to be seen), advise him to contact the GP or 111, both can book you in an actual appointment to see someone x

Mariposista · 02/12/2023 14:36

Absolutely he should go. Don’t risk it - at worse it will be a boring afternoon.
FIL has had two. Big tough guy and he was lying on the floor screaming in agony.

Haggisfish3 · 02/12/2023 14:40

Tbh I have had two friends with kidney stones go to an and e. Both left for hours in excruciating pain with no more than bloody paracetamol and ibuprofen. Then sent home. A scan was arranged but they didn’t actually need to go to an and e for that.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 02/12/2023 14:41

Please tell your husband that I (a stonemaker) had a blocked kidney once and left it too late before I went to A&E . It did not recover function. I was told to always go straight to A &E if I suspected any stuck kidney stone.

Original poster

bluedelphiniums · 02/12/2023 15:37

@sparkellie so sorry to hear that 💐And yes it does scare me, but in a postive, let's not take any chances way.

OP posts:

sparkellie · 02/12/2023 16:01

bluedelphiniums · 02/12/2023 15:37

@sparkellie so sorry to hear that 💐And yes it does scare me, but in a postive, let's not take any chances way.

I hope you understand why I shared my experience. The chances are your partner will be absolutely fine, but like you say, it's best not to take any chances. I hope you can persuade him to get checked.

MammaTill2Pojkar · 02/12/2023 16:06

I went to hospital because I suspected kidney stones, they didn't think I was in enough pain for it to be a stone (I ticked pretty much every other symptom though), they thought it was constipation, gave me some constipation meds to try and sent me home to come back it if got worse. I passed a small stone a couple of weeks later and haven't had pain since.

This was a different country however, but I would say get it checked out just in case, but if managing the pain it could just be a small stone that passes by itself (I had pain about 4 times over a couple of months as mine worked it's way out, the pain tends to last about an hour at a time, comes in waves and then stops).

TomatoSandwiches · 02/12/2023 16:07

Tell him he needs to go now whilst he can walk himself because if he has an acute attack you won't be able to carry him to the car and goodness knows how long to wait for an ambulance.

megletthesecond · 02/12/2023 16:10

He either goes now or he leaves it to see what happens and he and the NHS have a bigger mess to deal with.
I don't really have any patience for people who don't put their health first.

QuestionableMouse · 02/12/2023 16:19

He hasn't actually been diagnosed with stones though has he? It's just what everyone thinks he has. So yes, he needs to go. It could be a kidney infection which could kill him.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 02/12/2023 16:27

Please tell him to go to A&E. DH had a kidney stone the size of his thumbnail - 2cm x 1.5cm - and was going into renal failure in the associated kidney, which needed immediate surgery.

DH has had a few much smaller stones over the years, even today he’s referred to A&E if they’re suspected for suppository pain relief & imaging (he usually passes the tiny ones, he’s waiting for a peanut shaped one which is still in his kidney to be shattered).

Without imaging in hospital, you don’t know where the stones are, the number or size of them.

socksandshoos · 02/12/2023 16:30

A&E nurse here- he needs go to A&E. He’ll get bloods, CT scan and pain relief, go now before the evening rush. Peeing blood is NOT normal and needs investigating. Unlikely to be kept in but will have a follow up plan in place and adequate pain relief. Going to A&E with those symptoms and a GP referral is not a waste of time if that’s what he’s worried about

OneTC · 02/12/2023 16:38

Unless it's massive they just send you home to piss it out.

It's nicer with pain killers though

Dallahaun · 02/12/2023 17:03

We don't know it's small though. You can only do that when you know it is small enough. Size is everything

Zanatdy · 02/12/2023 17:15

He will go if it gets really bad, I had to call an ambulance for my ex, he was almost screaming in pain and unable to walk much. The ambulance gave him morphine before taking him in. Eventually it passed without intervention

Icequeen01 · 02/12/2023 17:19

Agree with everyone else. He needs to go to A&E.

DH had this in April and ended up having to go to A&E. He was on a drip for the pain and another to stop him vomitting. I've never seen him in such agony. He had a large kidney stone which had blocked up his kidney. He ended up in hospital for 4 days with a stent between his kidney and his urethra. Was then discharged for 2 weeks to give his kidney time to return to normal. Then had to go in again to have the stone blasted by laser. Then home again for a week before he had to go in as an out patient to have the stent removed. It was really unpleasant experience.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/12/2023 17:23

My dad has twice had sepsis with a stuck kidney stone. He needs to go now, before all the piss head go in later and he’s waiting all night in agony.

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