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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put a really strong parental block on the pc because dp keeps downloading porn?

42 replies

bogie · 13/03/2008 16:43

I use this computer for work and dp thinks its ok to keep downloading porn and other crap onto it so i have put parental controls onto strong. (and deleated all his stuff music, photos, films, emails.)
He has been an arse all day and has now gone in a strop upstairs.
I'm sick of spam emails saying free porn here free viagra ect.
So aibu?

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 13/03/2008 16:46

Do you have an issue with the porn per se and has he got access to another computer?

I'd be really pissed off if you deleted all my music though, I have about 20,000 tracks on here and would flip. Same with photos, I don't think it's fair to delete them either.

Lulumama · 13/03/2008 16:49

you should not have deleted all the non porn related stuff

also, treating a grown man like a child, even if he is behaving like one , is counter productive

talk to him about the porn. parental locks will mean he will find another way to access it

Original poster
bogie · 13/03/2008 16:51

I don't have an issue with the porn but it pees me off when he sneeks downstairs at 3 in the morning downloading so much rubbish on to the computer.
He has a computer at work but not that he can acsess much on.
The photos were not family pictures just ones he thinks are funny sent by email ect so not feeling guilty about that.
There is still tens of thousands of track on the music player but i have deleated all the stuff recently downloaded (in the last 2 months)

OP posts:
hanaflower · 13/03/2008 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumama · 13/03/2008 16:55

you need to both start behaving in a more mature way, and TALK about the issue, rather than deleting stuff, stropping etc

the porn issue won;t go away by itself

agnesnitt · 13/03/2008 16:57

You are utterly unreasonable. Apologise and grow up.

Agnes

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/03/2008 17:01

Utterly unreasonable??! Don't think so! If it's a join computer then you have a right to use it without being bombarded with evidence of his porn habit. Can't believe people think that's ok.

(The majority of) men are so pathetic!

You could have just deleted the porn thought.. not his other stuff. Although I can understand the feeling of being pissed off enough to do it..

PortAndLemon · 13/03/2008 17:01

I get free porn and viagra spam (on my hotmail account, anyway) and it's got nothing to do with having accessed porn.

YANBU to put on the parental lock.

YABU to delete two months' worth of music. As hanaflower says, how would you react if he threw out stuff you'd bought for yourself because he disapproved of some aspect of your shopping habits?

If you want to deal with this, you need to treat him as an adult. Treating him like a toddler is only going to get him behaving like one.

lollipopmother · 13/03/2008 17:05

I am offered viagra and hot dates with Candy69 all the time, I've never taken up either offer but I have wondered!

YANU about the porn, sneaking around doing it is silly. My partner has a porn collection, I know about it and I have no problem with it, but that's because it's out in the open and not done behind my back.

The music was a bit mean, but it's not the end of the world.

mrsdannydyer · 13/03/2008 17:05

lol

wannaBe · 13/03/2008 17:06

I also get free porn and viagra emails. They are spam, nothing more.

He is not a child. And even if he is behaving like one it is not your place to tell him what he can/can't do on the computer. If you have issue with it you need to talk to him, but simply deciding what he can do will just make matters worse.

and he has every right to be pissed off at you deleting his music.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/03/2008 17:09

Actually, if someone's partner is behaving like a child, who better to tell them than their other half??!

PortAndLemon · 13/03/2008 17:14

Tell them being the operative word. Doesn't sound like that's what the OP did.

Lulumama · 13/03/2008 17:16

there are ways of doing things though. if i had downloaded stuff DH didn;t like and he retaliated by blocking my computer access and deleting other stuff, i;d be furious and less likely to want to sit and talk openly ...

Original poster
bogie · 13/03/2008 17:16

Oh i have told him a million times and he will stop for a while then do it again.
It has happened before where i was trying to show a family member a video on the pc and a porn video came on insted because the media player was on shuffle.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 17:16

my boyfriend leaves his computer on all night to download stuff. Some of it is porn, most of it is not. He down;oads stuff (probably illegaly) en mass so there is no weeding out of useless stuff he doesn't need. Because I have the mind of a cataloguer I do think it's such a waste of space but he does it on his own computer so I can't really complain.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/03/2008 17:45

There you go - behaving like a child. Bogie [snurk ] has quite reasonably asked him time and again not to do it. Reasonable request I qould have thought by anyone's standards.. "Please don't illegally download porn onto the family computer.. I don't want the images suprising me in front of family/friends/the children and I'd prefer not to come across it myself actually.."

He ignores her and does it again. Repeatedly. Complete lack of respect and disregarding of her feelings.

So she deletes the bloody lot. Can't say I blame her really. No doubt he will enjoy building it up again "bless him"

What you have to do, Bogie, is delete the whole program that he uses to download in the first place (torrent or similar). Not just the icons but the actual program. Makes it a bit more effective/will piss him off more/take him longer to go about doing it again.

Men! (Most of them..) So primative, requiring their visual images of naked women if order to get off on their own. Thinking with their dicks and prepared to put their relationships at risk and compartnentalise the hurt/upset and other damage it can do in order to carry on doing it.

Original poster
bogie · 13/03/2008 17:47

Thanks shinyhappy
Btw i got rid of the program in the first place and the parental block means he can't get the program back

OP posts:
PortAndLemon · 13/03/2008 17:51

She doesn't just delete the porn, though. She deletes all his stuff from the last couple of months (unless the music was in some way pornographic, which it doesn't sound as though it was). Which is rather more as if I objected to my DH's (largely hypothetical) collection of porn mags so shredded his copies of Autocar and Empire. That's petty and vindictive.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/03/2008 17:52

Bug bear of mine Bogie Btw wasn't [snurking] at you, just your name. I have my children's childish toilet humour.. bogies -- hee hee hee.. poo! - hee hee hee hee!!

Only trouble with parental controls is they tend to block you out of completely innocent stuff.. I'm surprised you've got onto mumsnet!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 13/03/2008 17:53

Sounds like he deserved it though Port&Lemon and we can't be reasonable and understanding all the time.

He'll have to buy himself a laptop and fill that with wank fodder now won't he.

Original poster
bogie · 13/03/2008 17:54

It blocked mumsnet but I and only I have the password

Port and lemon
It was a bit petty of me but I think it was just anger at being ignored when I ask him not to do it that made me do that.

OP posts:
agnesnitt · 13/03/2008 19:11

You're treating him as though you are his mother. Poor sod.

Agnes

Original poster
bogie · 13/03/2008 19:12

Agnes

Have you got a better one that i could swap for because you seem like the tollerant person he needs

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 13/03/2008 19:15

but they do say porn is a problem when it interfers with RL - he is getting up at stupid o'clock to do it - thats not normal.