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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party - one child excluded

34 replies

Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:22

8 year olds friend is having a birthday party. She's having an activity which involves the kids having to be a certain height. The whole class are going - bar mine, who isn't tall enough.

I can't help feeling really sad for her. I know there are situations where they won't be invited to stuff, and of course we talked about that, but when they are the only kid not invited to their friends party, how do you deal with that?

We will do a fun activity instead but she's very upset.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 02/12/2023 10:24

Unclear here. Have you cancelled the activity that excludes the child to do one that guest, and she's upset about that? Or is she upset there's a child left out?

Original poster
Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:26

LittleMonks11 · 02/12/2023 10:24

Unclear here. Have you cancelled the activity that excludes the child to do one that guest, and she's upset about that? Or is she upset there's a child left out?

It was unclear, sorry. Have edited (again cos it was full of typos).

Mine isn't able to go to the party because she isn't tall enough.

OP posts:
emsyj37 · 02/12/2023 10:27

Leaving one child out for any reason is just a horrible thing to do. If the birthday child particularly wants to do that activity, they invite a smaller group.

NuffSaidSam · 02/12/2023 10:27

She wasn't invited or she was invited but couldn't go because she isn't tall enough for the activity?

Original poster
Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:28

NuffSaidSam · 02/12/2023 10:27

She wasn't invited or she was invited but couldn't go because she isn't tall enough for the activity?

She wasn't invited because she couldn't join in on the activity.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/12/2023 10:28

presumably it’s your DD who is being left out? I understand why you feel sad but unfortunately I would say this is just one of those things, she hasn’t been deliberately excluded but presumably the party activity was planned before the organising parent knew what the height restriction would be or which children would/ wouldn’t be able to attend. I’d also assume your DD won’t be the only one not attending and that other invited kids will have had to turn down the invite due to other commitments etc. Every child cant and won’t go to every party and being ‘excluded’ because you don’t met the activity requirements isn’t really the same as being deliberately left out, especially as the organising parent likely didn’t know that one child would be too short when planning.

LittleMonks11 · 02/12/2023 10:31

Oh boy. That's really a shitty thing to do. I would never do that. Your poor DD and you. Can she not even go along for the rest of it - the cake and tea bit after? Did the parent explain things to you or just not invite?

LittleMonks11 · 02/12/2023 10:32

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/12/2023 10:28

presumably it’s your DD who is being left out? I understand why you feel sad but unfortunately I would say this is just one of those things, she hasn’t been deliberately excluded but presumably the party activity was planned before the organising parent knew what the height restriction would be or which children would/ wouldn’t be able to attend. I’d also assume your DD won’t be the only one not attending and that other invited kids will have had to turn down the invite due to other commitments etc. Every child cant and won’t go to every party and being ‘excluded’ because you don’t met the activity requirements isn’t really the same as being deliberately left out, especially as the organising parent likely didn’t know that one child would be too short when planning.

The parent must have known if the OP's child wasn't invited. The only one in the whole class!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/12/2023 10:50

LittleMonks11 · 02/12/2023 10:32

The parent must have known if the OP's child wasn't invited. The only one in the whole class!

Show quote history

But presumably only after they had decided to do the activity and told their child that was the party they were going to have etc. I doubt the parent thought ‘hmmm, which birthday party could my child have that will exclude OP’s DD.’ It’s more likely their child asked for a climbing/ dri ski slope/ go-karting etc party and the parent said yes without thinking about the height restriction and only found out that the height restriction might exclude a child after they had agreed and started finalising plans for that kind of activity. If this was the birthday child’s dream party I can see why the parent wouldn’t cancel it after saying yes when they found out that there was a height restriction.

harrogately · 02/12/2023 10:54

As much as it sucks, I think these things happen with health issues (which I'm vaguely going to say being too short is).

A child in my DCs class couldn't come to the whole class swimming party as she has epilepsy.

A have a family friend with a blind child who couldn't go to many types of birthday party.

I guess what I'm getting at as it doesn't sound like a deliberate exclusion, and it just sucks a bit for your DC, but I don't necessarily think the hosts have done anything wrong.

Original poster
Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:55

Possibly the quickest update known to humans but I've just had a lovely call from the birthday girls Mum who asked me to put the phone on loudspeaker so she could talk to both me and DD.

She said that as soon as she is tall enough for the activity, she will take both girls there as a special treat and for cake after.

I now have a smiley DD!

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 02/12/2023 10:56

It doesn’t sound as if your child is deliberately excluded though… tricky when birthday child wants to do something specific…. Personally I would choose a different activity, but I also understand the parent, they may have already booked it and paid deposit.

Original poster
Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:56

harrogately · 02/12/2023 10:54

As much as it sucks, I think these things happen with health issues (which I'm vaguely going to say being too short is).

A child in my DCs class couldn't come to the whole class swimming party as she has epilepsy.

A have a family friend with a blind child who couldn't go to many types of birthday party.

I guess what I'm getting at as it doesn't sound like a deliberate exclusion, and it just sucks a bit for your DC, but I don't necessarily think the hosts have done anything wrong.

Being short is not a health issue in any way.

OP posts:
Fionaville · 02/12/2023 10:56

That's a tricky one. It's sad for your DD but can't be helped. Is your DD friends with the birthday child?
If I was the child's mum I would definitely explain it to you and suggest your DD comes late to the party for food and cake. Not ideal, but I'd be trying to find a way that she didn't feel excluded. Then if you decided that wasn't a good idea, at least you could tell DD that she is invited for food, but you can do something more exciting instead.

OnLockdown · 02/12/2023 10:57

We wanted to do an activity with a minimum height but one of DC's friends wasn't tall enough, so we chose something else.

It's a bit mean to leave a child out like that but nothing you can do about it. I'd just have a fun day out with your DC as you are doing.

Fionaville · 02/12/2023 10:57

@Gifgirl That's a lovely update.

FrenchandSaunders · 02/12/2023 10:59

She saw this thread OP!

FrenchandSaunders · 02/12/2023 10:59

And being short is not a health issue ffs 😂

SomersetBrie · 02/12/2023 11:01

Gifgirl · 02/12/2023 10:55

Possibly the quickest update known to humans but I've just had a lovely call from the birthday girls Mum who asked me to put the phone on loudspeaker so she could talk to both me and DD.

She said that as soon as she is tall enough for the activity, she will take both girls there as a special treat and for cake after.

I now have a smiley DD!

How lovely! It's nice to see people behaving in a real-life way instead of weird mumsnet way.
That will be extra special for your DD.

harrogately · 02/12/2023 11:01

Ok, let's say 'differing in physicality to the majority' (if she's the only one in the class that isn't tall enough then this is true).

BabyYoshke · 02/12/2023 11:03

Ah I’m so glad the mom called you!

StuartSheehyisBack · 02/12/2023 11:07

What a lovely mum to ring you both and say that. Excellent update!

Hankunamatata · 02/12/2023 11:10

That's nice of the mum to reach out an olive branch and more importantly your dd is happy

Whattodo112222 · 02/12/2023 11:11

That sounds lovely, but are you sure she's not on mumsnet and saw your thread?

ChoupetteTheCat · 02/12/2023 11:17

harrogately · 02/12/2023 10:54

As much as it sucks, I think these things happen with health issues (which I'm vaguely going to say being too short is).

A child in my DCs class couldn't come to the whole class swimming party as she has epilepsy.

A have a family friend with a blind child who couldn't go to many types of birthday party.

I guess what I'm getting at as it doesn't sound like a deliberate exclusion, and it just sucks a bit for your DC, but I don't necessarily think the hosts have done anything wrong.

Just curious how you think that being too short is a health issue?