Boyfriends past

[Amethystmoon11]

I’ve got a four week old baby with my partner. He is 38, I am 33.

We wernt together long before I got pregnant but had been friends a while and I fell head over heels for him. All my friends and family love him and he’s honestly amazing. Or so I though.

Over the year I’ve found out things he’s lied about regarding other women from his past. Some might say trivial things but this past week he’s lied to my face over 50 times.

However, I’ve just found messages from him from ten years ago arranging to meet a young girl for sex. I messaged the girl and asked how old she was when they were sleeping together and she said she was 16/17. He would have been 27.

I am disgusted. He’s telling me she lied about her age but I’ve seen the messages span over a year. They lost contact then (he says this was when he found out her real age), and then the messages spiked back up in 2017. He said he never met her after he found out her age.

Please give me advice. This week has battered me. All I want to do is enjoy my baby, but I can’t because my heart is broken thinking the man I love is a stranger.

I would also point out that if an adult man in his late 20s has to ask or check her age, she’s too young.

I just want to add a little context. He said he met her in a club. She told him while chatting she was 20. And they had no mutual friends so he had no clue. But who knows if this much is true. I do think they met in a club.

Tbf the he's lied to me 50 times this past week does sorta indicate something you're not saying OP.

He's past relationships aren't really any of your business. This thing with a teen you're going to drive yourself batshit. You don't message complete strangers man.

Try to take each day as it comes. It is challenging living with a liar but try not to push him into a corner my constantly questioning him. I think when men feel cornered their natural reaction is to lie.
(I’m speaking from experience!)

Try to step back, deep breaths, and as time goes on you might find you can have a quiet adult conversation with your liar. Point out to him that lying is for six year old kids in the playground, not adults. It might be a while before you get to that conversation but one day when you’re both relaxed, try to tell him how hurt you’ve been and please, will he stop lying to you.

Meanwhile, forget the 16yr old. She’s was old enough to legally give consent. She’s history, your partner and baby are the future. Keep your antennae up and try not to keep looking back, look forward.

His past is his past and can't be undone. You either leave it alone and go forward with trust or you leave. If you stay and continue to interrogate him the relationship will be destroyed over time.

I agree. I don't believe for one minute that he didn't realise he was fucking a child. He's also a liar and this will not change.

You are getting a very hard time from most here, OP. Have you any good friend you can confide in?

When I was 16 I looked much older and had a weekend job in a hotel. My male colleagues, in their 20's, all presumed that I was at university and I never corrected them. There is a big difference between a relationship like that, and a 27 year old deliberately grooming a schoolgirl; your partner didn't do that. Let it go.

Well this just isn't true.

My mate met a girl in a nightclub, an over 18s place. He was 23, she claimed to be 19. They got chatting, had a bit of a snog. They exchanged numbers (home phone, this was in the days before mobile.)

They went out for a few dates, and after about 3 weeks slept together for the first time. A few more weeks pass, he brings her to the pub to meet the rest of us. We all get on, she seems nice. She holds her own in terms of drink, gets ID'd at the bar and pulls out ID.

A couple more weeks and one of our friends who was out that night sees her in school uniform. And it's not a school with a sixth form.

My mate phoned the house phone during the school day, gets her Dad on the line (who he'd spoken to a couple of times before). Mates asks Dad how old this girl is, and Dad tells him 15. Mate tells Dad everything, and luckily Dad is very reasonable. The girl had told the Dad a pack of lies too, that she was staying at a friend's the night she was out clubbing etc, that her boyfriend was 17.

My mate was absolutely horrified with himself, and had issues trusting people for a long time. Rumours about him spread, and he ended up moving halfway across the country, partly because of that. He's felt the need to tell girlfriends about it, and with good reason, as two people have decided to tell his now wife their version of the story over the years.

I work in a University, and my DD has just turned 16. DD barely passes for 14, but a couple of her friends look older than most of my students.

In that case not only your BF but door staff and bar staff must of thought she was over 18