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AIBU?

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Original poster

13 yr old and Fortnite; please tell me this is a phase...

37 replies

Phopickles · 01/12/2023 19:52

So we've always been pretty boundaried about gaming - controlling, I guess - so DC aren't on it all day, every day.

DS is not long 13, and has 1.5 hours Fortnite in evening in week, plus his phone for other screen use.

He gets more at the weekend. He also plays sports and has a bit of homework, but otherwise doesn't seem to have many other interests anymore. He just, really, wants to game with his friends online. It's SO hard to keep controlling how long he gets - he puts up so many arguments.

I feel like it's all he cares about. Please tell me it's a phase.

OP posts:
lochmaree · 01/12/2023 20:26

does he do any sports or hobbies ?

OneMoreTimeBaby · 01/12/2023 20:34

My DS13 has unlimited gaming after chores and homework are done, he has a sports club twice a week, and is in bed for 10pm.

OneToThree · 01/12/2023 20:35

Mine do loads of sports and loads of gaming. That’s how they catch up with friends.

SharedAccountWithMySister · 01/12/2023 20:38

lochmaree · 01/12/2023 20:26

does he do any sports or hobbies ?

Well the OP did say so in the only post before yours….

llareggub · 01/12/2023 20:40

I’ve never set limits on gaming. Fortunately both my teenagers seem to self regulate very well. I’m not sure what I would have done if they’d shown signs of obsessive behaviour

loreau · 01/12/2023 20:43

Teenagers are hardwired to turn away from their parents and towards their peers. And online is where a lot of them do that these days. It's not just shooting people - there's chat, making people laugh, teamwork, and letting off steam.

know from experience it's a very difficult place to be to be keeping your kids from the one thing they love doing. He'll be making his own choices in 5 years, so the next few years are about relaxing those rules and that can be difficult.

Maybe suggest he tries Venture Scouts if he is staying in too much. They do all sorts of activities - bowling, kayaking, lasar qasar - maybe he'll find something else he likes.

If it's any consolation, my older son gave it up the day he went to university after 6 years intensive gaming. And then he got a girlfriend. So you may not want this phase to be over that soon!

Bleakmidwinter1977 · 01/12/2023 21:21

As long as your child is healthy, is doing well in school, completes homework, chores, has a few interests outside of school and gets out of the house for a few hours at the weekend there's no harm socialising with friends over Fortnite, especially over the winter months. He's at an age where his friends matter. Restrict use and he may be concerned about "missing out" if his friends are online and he's only allowed a set time. If you feel like he's overdoing it a bit, tell him, just a couple of hours online tonight, that way he can take some responsibility for choosing the time he goes online to coincide with friends, but he's aware there's a limit.

kelspin · 01/12/2023 21:25

My child always games more during the winter! In the summer he's out with his friends in the evening but this time of year he's home more so games more and chats to his friends that way.

SecondUsername4me · 01/12/2023 21:27

We don't have time limts. Mainly as I cba to argue about it or stand over them with a watch.

We do have some rules-
No screens at mealtimes or bedtimes
Homework, hobbies and activities first, gaming later
When we ask you to come off (with notice) you do so without complaint, and we are asking you be cause we want or need you to do something else.

Original poster
Phopickles · 01/12/2023 21:35

Thanks all. I guess I need to be more flex with it.

It's so hard. i HATE it. But I also know he's a different generation. I just don't want his brain to turn to mush

OP posts:
Thatswhy11 · 01/12/2023 21:48

I think 3 hours on a school night is fair.

Universalsnail · 01/12/2023 21:50

My son gets 10 hours a week gaming he can use when he wishes but when it's gone it's gone. He loves gaming but if he gets unlimited his behaviour seems to get poor.

randomuser2019 · 01/12/2023 21:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 01/12/2023 21:56

I suppose it is the modern boy equivalent of teenage me watching endless hours of tv and tying up the one landline for ages chatting. Every parent generation judges what the next lot do.

StillWantingADog · 01/12/2023 22:01

My 10 year old is like this. He won’t do any sport but does go to scouts and piano lessons and practices the piano- otherwise is happy to game all the time. I’ve given up trying to strictly control the gaming but do control bedtimes. He does very well in school Tbf and does his homework. Probably plays a lot more in winter. He sees it very much as a social thing- other dc would much rather just physically hang out with friends and a football

friends with older kids say it’s a phase and they end up self regulating. Hope they’re right !

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 22:02

TheIsleOfTheLost · 01/12/2023 21:56

I suppose it is the modern boy equivalent of teenage me watching endless hours of tv and tying up the one landline for ages chatting. Every parent generation judges what the next lot do.

This.

I get it. I found it hard to allow gaming, but providing all other chores/sports/family life is completed and bedtime is reasonable then I let them get on with it.

If they are having free time, they should be free to spend that time.

Also as they have got older I realise that it is more than gaming, they chat and open up to friends whilst playing, it is socialising.

I try and play occasionally with them- I am crap but at least I know what's going on.

Allfur · 01/12/2023 22:28

It's not the same as watching TV or talking on phone, it is far more addictive

flowerchild2000 · 01/12/2023 22:40

With the number of women I know who have husbands who act the same way I doubt it's a phase. I don't understand why anyone lets their children play violent games anyway, especially when it's widely known how addictive that particular game is. The correct boundary would have been not to buy the game to begin with.

Nineteendays · 01/12/2023 22:40

My 11 is on it all the time with his friends. He does go to sports clubs though and does his homework so I leave him to it. I like that he’s chatting with his friends while playing

Hollyhead · 01/12/2023 22:43

It’s actually a pretty fun game, I occasionally join a game with my 11 year old as a bonding activity, it’s made us much closer and made conversations pointing out the more tricky addictive aspects of Fortnite. Try a different approach.

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 22:47

flowerchild2000 · 01/12/2023 22:40

With the number of women I know who have husbands who act the same way I doubt it's a phase. I don't understand why anyone lets their children play violent games anyway, especially when it's widely known how addictive that particular game is. The correct boundary would have been not to buy the game to begin with.

And ostracise your child?

I spend too long on MN, I'm not convinced gaming is that much different.

And for the 'studies' there is always studies that say what teenagers are doing is dangerous. Used to be TV.

flowerchild2000 · 01/12/2023 22:49

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 22:47

And ostracise your child?

I spend too long on MN, I'm not convinced gaming is that much different.

And for the 'studies' there is always studies that say what teenagers are doing is dangerous. Used to be TV.

Show quote history

I never mentioned a study, no idea what you're on about.

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 22:52

I took ' widely known' to mean you had been looking into studies relating to addiction to games.

But still, you are happy to ostracise your child? Because that is the reality, their friends socialise and build relationships online, they talk about it in school, and the fact that your child isn't involved will have implications.

Blanket bans are never the answer.

Paddleboarder · 01/12/2023 22:53

I just gave up with time limits tbh. It’s a losing battle anyway, it’s all mine wants to do after school although he’s up for going out and stuff at the weekends. Fortnite is a phase. Gaming in general is a longer phase!

Museum10660 · 01/12/2023 22:56

Phopickles · 01/12/2023 21:35

Thanks all. I guess I need to be more flex with it.

It's so hard. i HATE it. But I also know he's a different generation. I just don't want his brain to turn to mush

i think thats part of the issue re the generational aspect, back before consoles were as common as they are now, can you all look back and say you were angels and were productive with your free time etc away from the consoles ?

my point is that as tech advances so does peoples preferences for using there time.