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Original poster

13 yr old and Fortnite; please tell me this is a phase...

37 replies

Phopickles · 01/12/2023 19:52

So we've always been pretty boundaried about gaming - controlling, I guess - so DC aren't on it all day, every day.

DS is not long 13, and has 1.5 hours Fortnite in evening in week, plus his phone for other screen use.

He gets more at the weekend. He also plays sports and has a bit of homework, but otherwise doesn't seem to have many other interests anymore. He just, really, wants to game with his friends online. It's SO hard to keep controlling how long he gets - he puts up so many arguments.

I feel like it's all he cares about. Please tell me it's a phase.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 01/12/2023 23:08

Fortnite is the devil, I swear. I always know when DS is playing it as the shouting ramps!

Kids rib each other over these things. He's probably getting a hard time from his mates over it, that's all.

I don't think any of them enjoy coming off it. It seems to be the main way boys communicate out of school and although it's massively annoying I do feel like it's easier monitored than phones are.

If it's any help, DS's gaming buddies range from kids who struggle at school to kids who are flying at highly selective schools - gaming doesn't have effect on their intelligence at all. Of course they need exercise and limits but giving him a bit more time wouldn't be the end of the World AND it gives you something to bargain with if standards slip.

rainydogday · 01/12/2023 23:13

My DS 14 is the same, either phone or gaming whilst socialising with friends. Plays loads of sports at least 3/4 after school clubs and one at the weekend. It just feels like he is in his room and never with us. We giggle as we think it's a real 'family treat' if they come and watch a film or tv with us. Back when I was a kid the tv was the bad thing! We always have dinner together and never screens at the table.

Labradeedle · 01/12/2023 23:26

I am so surprised by the attitudes on this thread. My DS15 and DS14 are not allowed to game on school nights. It makes for relaxed evenings where homework is done, chats are had, pets/chores are looked after and bedtimes are easy. They are allowed pretty much free rein on Friday nights and weekends, and regulate their own gaming time then to balance sporting commitments and in-person catchups/family events.

I do think that giving in to pester power and the 'all my friends are online' argument is lazy parenting. Every hour spent gaming is an hour you are not engaging with your children and they aren't engaging in family life (especially sitting with headphones on). We did briefly trial allowing school nights but found the boys were rushing through homework (they don't have much anyway) and doing a half-baked job just to jump online sooner. If they know the gaming is off the table for the night there's no 'incentive' to rush through.

Edited: age typo

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 23:30

@Labradeedle I do hope your DS16 is in year 11.

I value my children building relationships with friends, I still engage with my children

kitsuneghost · 01/12/2023 23:32

I don't know why everyone thinks gaming is the big bad enemy. It is great for mental agility. There is also a huge social aspect.

He also plays sport and does his homework so all good
What would you rather he do? Something on his own?

Caerulea · 01/12/2023 23:44

Phopickles · 01/12/2023 21:35

Thanks all. I guess I need to be more flex with it.

It's so hard. i HATE it. But I also know he's a different generation. I just don't want his brain to turn to mush

I'm 45 & play Fortnite & my brain is just fine ;)

Labradeedle · 01/12/2023 23:44

Ducksurprise · 01/12/2023 23:30

@Labradeedle I do hope your DS16 is in year 11.

I value my children building relationships with friends, I still engage with my children

Just realised age typo and fixed it. They are 15 and 14.

I'm not sure what you mean though? I value the same things as you. It's just a matter of balance.
The boys each have great friendship groups as well as engaging with us/family. Online gaming isn't the only way to build friendships. Their friends know they don't game during the week. There was some eye rolling and gentle ribbing a few years ago when they each started secondary but now it's just one of the many things their lovely friends know about them. They do off-line activities together like catching up in person for bike rides, go-karting, camping, skateboarding, etc.

PongGamer · 02/12/2023 00:28

Both myself and DH have gamed all our lives, we are in our late fifties. He is a Professor and Head of an academic dept at a University I am a retired academic librarian.

I can assure you that my brain nor that of my gaming friends are mush. Amongst the friends I game with on a regular basis there is a coder, a broadcast engineer, a student taking a Masters level course and a carpenter.

A long as he has other interests he will be fine. Today I went for an 8 mile hike and also gamed for 3 hours. It’s all about balance.

randomuser2019 · 02/12/2023 00:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 02/12/2023 01:02

If you have dc who can't self regulate, then you have to set limits.
I don't mind gaming but my dc would be on it all the time because their friends are. I put strict limits of no gaming on weeknights because they were clock watching and rushing through homework.

I've seen kids with poor mental health and not achieve what they could at GCSEs because of gaming. It's a real shame and a real problem.

Original poster
Phopickles · 02/12/2023 07:38

Labradeedle · 01/12/2023 23:26

I am so surprised by the attitudes on this thread. My DS15 and DS14 are not allowed to game on school nights. It makes for relaxed evenings where homework is done, chats are had, pets/chores are looked after and bedtimes are easy. They are allowed pretty much free rein on Friday nights and weekends, and regulate their own gaming time then to balance sporting commitments and in-person catchups/family events.

I do think that giving in to pester power and the 'all my friends are online' argument is lazy parenting. Every hour spent gaming is an hour you are not engaging with your children and they aren't engaging in family life (especially sitting with headphones on). We did briefly trial allowing school nights but found the boys were rushing through homework (they don't have much anyway) and doing a half-baked job just to jump online sooner. If they know the gaming is off the table for the night there's no 'incentive' to rush through.

Edited: age typo

Edited

I do find your tone weirdly patronising.

I absolutely engage with my child. We do stuff.

And it also comes down to personality. You clearly have very malleable, compliant kids. I don't know ANY other kids that age that wouldn't push back against no games in week. And I've got a wide variety of friends.

OP posts:
AceofPentacles · 02/12/2023 08:16

DS is a gamer he also has ASD so no interest in "hobbies" although he does walk
1.5 hours home every day after school and go on bike rides in the summer.
We have very basic rules - it goes off at 9pm
He must have good personal hygiene and do homework . After that who cares? He's a teenager and wants to be in his room talking to his friends.

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