To be cross with my friend for bringing sick baby to baby group?

[Themumdoc]

I have 2 children. My youngest is 9 months old and I go to a baby sensory class with my friend and her 9 month old once a week.

My friend and I have been friends for 15 years now and so know each other very well. I’d say she is one of my closest friends but she is known to be thoughtless and tactless at times. For context, my Dad is currently terminally ill in hospital near where I grew up which is 2 hours away. The past few months has been a lot of juggling to get down as much as possible to see him. My friend is aware of this. He was given 2 weeks to live this week.

On Wednesday I went to the class. My friend was aware that I was due to go down and see my dad the next day. She told me they had all had a vomiting bug but that they were better. Fine. However she then went on to say that her baby is still having watery diarrhoea and proceeded to change her 3 times right next to me on the mat in the middle of the class without washing her hands. (She kept commenting on how watery and yellow the nappies were). This is clearly infective.

Needless to say, the next day- bam my baby was sick and now has diarrhoea and I have come down with it too. My dad is too unwell for me to see him with these symptoms so I haven’t been able to go. I’m absolutely fuming and feel she should have done one/ all of the following:

1. given me a heads up that symptoms were ongoing
2. changed her in the dedicated toilets and washed her hands to prevent spread.

im absolutely fuming and am close to speaking to her about this but am I being un reasonable? I am a medic so am well aware of the ‘stay away from vulnerable people/ work for 48 hours AFTER the symptoms have resolved’ and would never take my baby to a baby class with watery infective diarrhoea.

AIBU?

Bloody hell that's awful, I'd be fuming too! I was cross enough after baby sensory a few weeks back when a very obviously unwell baby with red eyes and streaming cold was brought in and sat next to us. Poor thing didn't even look like he was remotely enjoying the class! 2 days later my baby had it. I don't get why parents do it! Yes I think I'd definitely mention it to the friend, hopefully she'll think twice before doing it again.

Hope you're all on the mend quickly and you can see your dad soon 💛

I'd be absolutely furious too, OP. I hate hate hate when people don't keep away from others (particularly at things like baby classes where the little ones are vulnerable anyway) when they are ill, especially with a sickness bug. Selfish cow

She’s thoughtless and I’d be very pissed off with her if it were me but you should have left as soon as was clear what was going on. Often you can’t control what other do but you can remove yourself from the situation.

I was going to say YABU because people always do this with kids in groups and at school, it's a fact of life and in general day to day life it doesn't matter too much. The bugs are generally most contagious before symptoms start anyway.

However D&V is a particularly nasty (and gross) one that I would definitely stay at home with. Changing a clearly unwell baby in a class full of people is so grim.

And given your dad's health it is absolutely unforgivable. She is either unaware or unbothered and either make her a crap friend.

I'm so sorry for your dad's prognosis (I've been there) and I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you get better soon and are able to spend precious time with him.

Wow. I see so many babies and toddlers with colds at groups that it doesn’t even register anymore. I’d say at our regular toddler group on Monday more kids were coughing and sneezing then weren’t. But D and/or V? Completely out of order!

YANBU- that is awful of her.

I would be absolutely furious about this, especially given that your friend knows about your Dad. I'm so sorry about your Dad and hope you can get to see him ASAP.

Thought you were going to say a bit of a runny nose and I would've said that's par for the course with babies, if we all stayed in for every sniffle we'd never be out. But what you describe is ridiculous. I would've said something when you saw the first loose nappy tbh and if she didn't leave I think I would've done so myself given the effect on seeing your dad.

I would be furious too! Cough/cold is part and parcel but V&D totally unacceptable. I'm so sorry ♥️

I wouldn't be taking any of my ill kids out this is terrible

Really inconsiderate. I would be tempted to mention it. ‘We all seem to have caught your V/D bug. I will be staying home for the foreseeable so i don’t pass it on’

yanbu! If it was a cold I’d say fine because half the babies there will have colds, but knowing about your dad bringing a d&v bug along is unacceptable.

People are just awful op. It’s so selfish, I would be livid. Your friend sounds awful!!!!

That's disgusting. I hate it when people change nappies in a public area. Use the designated area for goodness sake. And use the handwashing facilities.
And no she shouldn't have brought her baby to the class while ill either.
A cold is one thing and impossible to avoid but a tummy bug needs to stay home.
I do think in your situation I would probably avoid toddler groups for 2 weeks rather than risk getting ill at this time.

Yes , she’s being a total arse
However , I would not have been going out , mixing if I had a very ill parent as I know that it’s not possible to trust some people to think of others
I hope you can get to see your dad soon 💐

I didn’t take my baby with a bad cold to his baby class today. I felt bad for depriving him of the entertainment but it’s not fair on everyone else with the way they chew/grab/dribble everywhere. D&v obviously much worse - aside from anything else the poor baby was probably feeling awful.

Really sorry about your dad, hope everyone recovers quickly and you can see him soon.

YANBU at all. Nothing gives me the rage like people who are happy to spread their germs around. I had a baby earlier this year and the number of relatives who tried to visit us with streaming colds and coughs was unreal. They were very pissed off when I said no (some I had to turn away at the door). These are people who ask to be informed if my kids have colds before we see them because ‘we don’t want to pick anything up at our age’ !!

My baby has now been unwell for 6 weeks solid with what appears to be 2 back to back colds. The first one was caught off a friend at baby group who thought nothing of bringing her baby along who had come down with it the day before. How hard is it to sack off baby groups for a few days when they’re at their most contagious??

Yes I know c’est la vie and you can’t stay locked up and blah blah but it really isn’t a hardship to miss a baby group so the other mums don’t end up with 4 hours broken sleep for weeks at a time.

I would be really angry at this friend, and would probably message to tell her. Hopefully she’ll apologise and rethink in future. Knowing about your dad that was a very selfish thing to do 💐

I agree she was selfish to take baby when ill. However, if you were going to see your dad the next day, knowing the risks these baby classes or going anywhere carry re bugs, you should've really isolated before going to see him so can't really blame her entirely.

Agree with pps... bringing a baby to a group with snotty nose, i wouldn't be cross as they get colds all the time ... but d and v is different and i would be furious. Especially if she changed their nappy right next to you and didnt wash her hands. Honestly it gross not to wash hands after a nappy change when your baby isnt poorly, let alone when they have a bug.

Only you know how she will react if you say something to her but given that she's jeopardised your ability to see your dying father i think i would have to.

This is our if line for any time not even factoring in your situation. I'm so sorry you're poorly and for your dad's situation.

You need to ask yourself what it would do to your relationship to talk to her about it. If it risks losing her, would that be better or worse than having to swallow it down for the rest of your friendship?

Knowing what you're going through and still doing that means she's no friend OP.

I'm so sorry, my Dad was admitted to a hospice this time last year and we lost him in January. It's utterly shit

sadly lack of hygiene and infection control awareness is extremely common, even within healthcare professionals. so I just assume the worst and prepare accordingly as I am extremely immunosuppressed. this is after many instances similar to your example OP where I trust others and end up horribly ill.

I really feel for you OP given how much you are dealing with rn. in your shoes, I would avoid being around anyone with any rumour of infection for the days before you go to see your dad. and I would maintain a healthy distance from this gross person who doesn't wash their hands after changing nappies. disgusting.

Why are people so incredibly selfish? She shouldn’t have told you the baby was still sick. She shouldn’t have changed the baby in the toilets. She should have stayed at home.

I wouldn’t be able to look the stupid woman in the eye again.

Yellow watery poo sounds like rotavirus to me, and no you bloody well don't take your baby to a baby class with it.

I'd be fuming. I'd say this is more than thoughtless, it's really selfish. As well as disgusting (not washing hands for a dirty nappy isn't acceptable even without an illness)