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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with my friend for bringing sick baby to baby group?

49 replies

Themumdoc · 01/12/2023 19:19

I have 2 children. My youngest is 9 months old and I go to a baby sensory class with my friend and her 9 month old once a week.

My friend and I have been friends for 15 years now and so know each other very well. I’d say she is one of my closest friends but she is known to be thoughtless and tactless at times. For context, my Dad is currently terminally ill in hospital near where I grew up which is 2 hours away. The past few months has been a lot of juggling to get down as much as possible to see him. My friend is aware of this. He was given 2 weeks to live this week.

On Wednesday I went to the class. My friend was aware that I was due to go down and see my dad the next day. She told me they had all had a vomiting bug but that they were better. Fine. However she then went on to say that her baby is still having watery diarrhoea and proceeded to change her 3 times right next to me on the mat in the middle of the class without washing her hands. (She kept commenting on how watery and yellow the nappies were). This is clearly infective.

Needless to say, the next day- bam my baby was sick and now has diarrhoea and I have come down with it too. My dad is too unwell for me to see him with these symptoms so I haven’t been able to go. I’m absolutely fuming and feel she should have done one/ all of the following:

  1. given me a heads up that symptoms were ongoing
  2. changed her in the dedicated toilets and washed her hands to prevent spread.

im absolutely fuming and am close to speaking to her about this but am I being un reasonable? I am a medic so am well aware of the ‘stay away from vulnerable people/ work for 48 hours AFTER the symptoms have resolved’ and would never take my baby to a baby class with watery infective diarrhoea.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Poppyseed14 · 01/12/2023 20:20

As well as what everyone else has said who on earth changes a shitty nappy in the middle of a class let alone a shitty diarrhoea nappy?! Of course YANBU OP. And I'm so sorry about your Dad. Wishing you a speedy recovery so you can get to him soon xx

Iateallllllthepies · 01/12/2023 20:22

I’m so sorry you can’t see your dad, that’s heartbreaking.

She’s a fucking idiot. You don’t take a baby with watery diarrhoea to a class, what the hell was she thinking.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 01/12/2023 20:24

Yep totally selfish, I'd say something.

Missingmyusername · 01/12/2023 20:27

PeloMom · 01/12/2023 19:31

She’s thoughtless and I’d be very pissed off with her if it were me but you should have left as soon as was clear what was going on. Often you can’t control what other do but you can remove yourself from the situation.

This. I wouldn’t have gone at all. Anyone could have anything- yes she was a selfish cow and a terrible friend. With awful hygiene…

I’m very sorry about your dad and hope you’ll be able to see him soon.

Tonkerbea · 01/12/2023 20:31

I'd find it hard to not say anything. She's been unbelievably selfish. I'm very sorry about your dad.

momonpurpose · 01/12/2023 20:33

That would be the end of my friendship. This is unforgivable. I'm very sorry about your father op

CatchHimDerry · 01/12/2023 20:42

Like PP I’d be avoiding the groups as they are full of people like this

But I don’t think I’d be forgiving of such actions from a friend, far too selfish / inconsiderate

ClemFandango1 · 01/12/2023 20:44

Close to unforgivable given the circs. I hope you feel better very soon and sorry about your dad, OP.

Dotcheck · 01/12/2023 20:44

Applerumleandcustard · 01/12/2023 19:49

Yes , she’s being a total arse
However , I would not have been going out , mixing if I had a very ill parent as I know that it’s not possible to trust some people to think of others
I hope you can get to see your dad soon 💐

This

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/12/2023 20:47

Yanbu

I would follow up with her that you're both ill and that you won't be able to see your dad and in future please don't allow her baby to groups until after 48 hours after the illness.

Fionaville · 01/12/2023 20:47

I've got a friend like this. She sends her kids round to play when they are clearly infectious. Your friend takes the biscuit for being thoughtless though. I'd say something about not being able to go and see your dad because you've caught the bug from her. No need to be nasty about it, but make your point.

flowerchild2000 · 01/12/2023 20:51

Surely everyone knows this rule! How thoughtless! I would say something, esp with your dad situation, which is so heartbreaking, and also hopefully she will learn and do better.

Lovelymoon · 01/12/2023 20:55

Yeah, I’d be fuming too. It’s a really crucial point in your life, and your dad’s considering his recent diagnosis. It’s fucking selfish on her part. I’d definitely say something

Dunnoburt · 01/12/2023 20:59

Yanbu because what she's done is super selfish and is one of the many reasons i avoid places like soft play..... but YABU to even go to a germ factory at this time of year when you know you need to stay well.....I hope everyone's feeling better soon x

Inthebleakmidwinter2 · 01/12/2023 21:01

Yanbu however I think you should have said something at the time, as it's harder to ring her up now and have a go.
I hope you get to see your dad soon.

twirlywoop · 01/12/2023 21:04

Coughing and sniffles fine. D&V, no.

Whatsinthebag2 · 01/12/2023 21:10

Yeah that's gross. Really sorry.

A friend of mine came to a meet up with a sickness bug and my baby was poorly for over a month with it. It was absolutely horrendous and I have yet to fully forgive her... My daughter is now 7!

autienotnaughty · 01/12/2023 21:20

To bring a child to a group with D&V is totally irresponsible. I would mention you have caught it. She will probably make the connection re your dad and hopefully think more carefully next time

7yo7yo · 01/12/2023 21:22

She’s awful for doing that.
but why didn’t you say something at the time or just leave?

Original poster
Themumdoc · 01/12/2023 22:26

Thanks for all your replies. I’m going to let her know we’ve been unwell. And it sounds like most people agree that her behaviour was pretty awful given the circumstances.

I agree I should have left. Not an excuse but she had been talking about being worried that her baby had a dairy allergy as she has persistently ‘loose’ stools so I initially assumed it was her norm. It was only after the third nappy change when I commented on how copious it was that she said ‘oh no this is from the bug’ and by then we’d been in contact for 40 mins. The babies had been grabbing each others faces etc. but yes I should have left.

OP posts:
Pepperonipizzawitheverything · 01/12/2023 22:54

I don't blame you for being angry. I'd say something about it if I were you. I was in a somewhat similar situation a few years ago and I had to speak to the person in question about their thoughtless behaviour.

Hope you can see your father soon💐

Blossomingx · 01/12/2023 23:14

YANBU
Maybe you could make a comment in a way that you think she may be receptive to, you will know how best to proceed. That said it's ok even if you just vent to us and don't say anything (at least right now) as you may need her support as time goes by. It sucks, I know. I'm praying for you and baby to get better soon, and be able to spend some precious time with your dad.

Take care of yourself during this difficult time 💐

hellsBells246 · 01/12/2023 23:44

You're a medic, and you didn't leave right away when you saw that the baby was still infectious??

GodspeedJune · 01/12/2023 23:57

Very sorry to hear about your Dad. In your shoes I think I would miss baby classes for now. Your friend was definitely unreasonable and selfish to bring her baby to the class, but they are germs spreading places at any time.

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