To not want to get the teacher a present

[Featherseverywhere]

Dd, 5 has had a really tough time at school. She’s currently being assessed for adhd after being hysterical about not wanting to go to school (plus other issues) Her teacher had been shouting at her, saying she was doing her work wrong and other things. The report of her was so upsetting, all very very negative and highlighting issues that all point to needing additional help. She hasn’t been very nuturing, even though I’ve been to her nicely numerous times, just asking for help. The assistant on the other hand has been so lovely and kind to Dd, I would love to say a big thank you to her, but I can’t bring myself to buy the teacher a present, it feels hypocritical..it’s not in a petty way, I just can’t bring myself to. Do I just try to get over it and get her something so that I can get her assistant something?
This is not a teaching bashing thread, I’m a teacher also and sadly, although the majority are fantastic, some really shouldn’t work with children.

Yes but spit in the one for the teacher 😉

I am joking. But the teacher would get fuck all and the TA a lovely card and small gift.

I’m not teaching my daughter to be a doormat. Fuck that.

As a teacher, a personal card thanking me is much more meaningful than a generic gift. I did generally give gifts to the teachers but mostly because my children wanted to do so. To be fair, most of them were good enough. Can only think of one class teacher in primary I didn't rate at all. Can't recall whether I bought her anything, though my dd probably insisted, as it was about 15 years ago.

In your situation OP, I might buy something small for both but write a card for the TA. But only a very self absorbed and immature teacher would penalise a child in any way for their parent not buying a present. The kind of families I work with don't necessarily have the money or it may not be something they do culturally, so no one expects something from every child.

So don’t buy the teacher a gift. It wasn’t a done thing in my day. Get the TA something and give it to her away from the teacher

why not mention her behaviour to the head? No teacher should be acting like that to a young child

My worry is then my Dd has her until summer…I most definitely have known teachers to take things out on kids, it’s completely messed up.
On the final day of school before the summer, I will gladly give the TA a beautiful gift with handwritten card, nothing for the teacher and not look back

Write a lovely thankyou to the TA and don’t bother with horrid shouty teacher. It’s

Instead of passive aggressive gift giving, would you not consider raising the issue/complaint with school? Have you discussed with them your experience with this teacher?

I'd get the teacher a cheap poinsettia (I don't like them) but it's hard to tell the price of plants - you could get your daughter to decorate the pot so horrible teacher will have to pretend to like it, and get something nice for the TA, with a letter thanking her for her help and support.

@Grimmz Teacher has basically twisted everything to cover her own back, report covers her ass too

The report of her was so upsetting, all very very negative and highlighting issues that all point to needing additional help

is this not part of the process to get a child additional help and even a diagnosis? what age range do you teach?

there is no problem with not buying a teacher a gift. Just dont do it. no issue either with buying one for the TA.

also, bin the word hysterical to describe any woman, especially your own daughter.

This teacher made OP's daughter very upset and shouted at her. Why are you recommending OP have her upset daughter make a present for someone who treated her badly? Why are you suggesting OP get a present for someone who mistreated her child?

Don't get the teacher a gift! I can understand giving a teacher a gift if they have really gone the extra mile with your DC but I don't understand why it's become a social convention for teachers who haven't done any more than their job.

If you want to get the TA a gift, do so. You could give vouchers in a card if you, understandably, don't want to look as though you are making a statement by turning up with a huge gift-wrapped parcel.

Absolutely not unreasonable. My daughter has 4 teachers a catholic school. 2 are horrible religious zealots the kind that put people off religion. She has an autoimmune disease they tried to throw her out of school over. No break at all until I threatened a lawsuit. Suddenly they couldn't enough. That couple will not be getting gifts. But the kind teachers oddly the non catholics will be getting gifts.

I could not agree more. What is it a thank you for mistreating my child gift????

My thoughts exactly! We had a similar situation with DD’s reception teacher although he wasn’t harsh with DD but very dismissive when we mentioned potential autism. He was also very reluctant to make any adjustments causing her to have a very public meltdown during sports day. In the end the class parents donated to a fund for both the teacher & TA so I just made a contribution as wanted the TA to get recognition.

You could do cards, a very heartfelt thank you in TA, and a simple merry Christmas in teacher.
TA will probably appreciate the message more than any random gift

Do parents actually believe this happens? That teachers treat children differently on the basis of their present giving? It's insulting nonsense and categorically not true.

I would but for both or not at all

Your poor wee girl. I wouldn’t be letting up on that teacher for one minute next term. Is there another - is there another year 1 class you could have her moved to away from this shrew??

If the wee one wants to give her a card - fair enough give her the scabbiest one in the box.

Id give the TA a beautiful card from you all and maybe slip a small gift voucher.

Good luck

Consequences? Are you for real?

A teacher is really going to go home and reflect on why a parent of a child didn’t give them a few cup cakes or a best teacher mug?

If you can do better, which I highly doubt, then go and train to be a teacher and see how difficult it is having to deal with imbeciles like you. Btw, I am not a teacher, but the parent of a student who is considering dedicating their life to teaching your children.

‘You wouldn’t be letting up on that teacher,??

It’s no wonder we have a shortage of teachers with imbeciles like you about. I hope any head teacher ensures that parents like you are not let within 100 yards of any teacher.

There are good teachers, bad teachers and mediocre teachers, as you'd find a range of competencies in any profession. It's simplistic to say anyone who objects to a poorly-performing teacher is an 'imbecile'.

If you employed builders to convert your loft and they damaged the joists so your roof collapsed, would you just say 'oh, that's all right, there's a shortage of builders and it's not an easy job, so I'll let them off'?

Actually, a ‘negative’ report is doing you and your child a favour and helping her get the support she needs. Just out of interest though, how do you know your child has been shouted at? Young children have very different perceptions, I’m not saying it didn’t happen but I’d be surprised if it was shouting as adults would see it. If you’re sure she really is being picked on though it’s your duty to raise it with a member of SLT. You say you’re a teacher and you believe that other teachers would take it out on a child if they didn’t receive a gift? That’s really upsetting. In my 23 years of teaching Primary I’ve never seen this. Not ever. Get her a gift or don’t, get the TA a gift or don’t. Nobody will care. Honestly.

Actually, a ‘negative’ report is doing you and your child a favour and helping her get the support she needs. Just out of interest though, how do you know your child has been shouted at? Young children have very different perceptions, I’m not saying it didn’t happen but I’d be surprised if it was shouting as adults would see it. If you’re sure she really is being picked on though it’s your duty to raise it with a member of SLT. You say you’re a teacher and you believe that other teachers would take it out on a child if they didn’t receive a gift? That’s really upsetting. In my 23 years of teaching Primary I’ve never seen this. Not ever. Get her a gift or don’t, get the TA a gift or don’t. Nobody will care. Honestly.

Why don't you just pull the TA aside and give her something discreetly. I think if you make I obvious, you'll come across as the bad one and agree with PP will look petty.

Sorry I don’t know why that posted twice.