Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd demanding to know if the elves are real

46 replies

Feelslikechristmastoday · 01/12/2023 11:03

Dd is 5, we started elves for the first time this year, I did the whole surprise, letter from them, advent calendar etc. She keeps asking if I wrote the letter and saying she’s going to look at a pad where I write to see if our writing is the same! She also said that they’ve got tags on so they can’t be real.
Anyone else’s child like this or just mine spoiling the magic part 🙈

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 01/12/2023 11:07

I'd just say its a game/story that is fun and leave it at that. my kids are adults we didn't have Elves just Santa it all sounds a total pain in the rear and stressful.

Original poster
Feelslikechristmastoday · 01/12/2023 11:17

I’m sure all the other kids believe in all the magic 🙈

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 01/12/2023 11:29

Feelslikechristmastoday · 01/12/2023 11:17

I’m sure all the other kids believe in all the magic 🙈

I don’t think so. My DD had a class elf in reception and I think they mostly knew it wasn’t real, DD and the kids I know well from her class weren’t fooled, but they still loved it! It’s just a bit of fun isn’t it? Like most kids know the easter bunny isn’t real and the tooth fairy is just a racket for extra pocket money…

LBFseBrom · 01/12/2023 11:32

Feelslikechristmastoday · 01/12/2023 11:17

I’m sure all the other kids believe in all the magic 🙈

I'm pretty sure most of them don't.

Kids aren't as daft as some people think. They often carry on believing in 'Santa' in order to please parents.

Tell her the truth for goodness sake!

SutWytTi · 01/12/2023 11:32

I would be honest and say it is a Christmas game.

We don't all have to believe the same things.

She's not spoiling the magic because it isn't magic! The true magic of Christmas is the traditions we make, which do not have to involve lying at all.

DarkForces · 01/12/2023 11:35

When dd asked if Santa was real I asked what she thought and went with that. Once she didn't believe anymore I told her that she was right but not to spoil it for others

Fionaville · 01/12/2023 11:44

I always just say "It's up to you. Some people don't believe in Santa/the elves, so they don't get to take part. I can't say if it's real or not, it has to be your decision to believe or not"
That has always satisfied my kids. Even once they've stopped believing, they pretend to because its fun.

whereaw · 01/12/2023 11:44

Somewhat off topic, but I've heard so many conversations and group chat messages about kids telling other kids Santa isn't real, which kids it was, whispers and anger amongst the mums...
I get it, but I've never heard similar about the kids who push, hit, name call, bully etc. and I have to say that I think children who talk about and question Santa (ie tell the truth!) are not bad kids, it's totally normal.
I think, with the elves, most children of school age are aware that it's a game put together by the parents! But either way, it's just a bit of fun. I would just be vague, 'some people think they are, what do you think?' It's just fun and imagination, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

whereaw · 01/12/2023 11:48

You could also say, magic is like music or dancing or fun, just go with it and enjoy it, we don't need to question everything. I like to think that there is something magical about Christmas, that's why we all love it so much!

Reugny · 01/12/2023 11:49

OP my DD said at the beginning of last December when she was 4 and still at nursery/childminder that she didn't believe in fairies, ghosts, Santa and God.

I told her that's fine if she didn't want any presents from anyone. So from then until the beginning of January until she got all her presents she didn't mention to people she didn't believe in Santa. She even put up with meeting Santa and not saying to the other kids that he wasn't real.

This year I got her an elf and told her how the elf hides around the house. So she has had fun putting the elf in different places and telling me and her dad, that the elf has moved by itself.

Whatsasname · 01/12/2023 11:50

Honestly I think most kids know it's not real. Mine asked me outright last year so I admitted it was me and DH and that we like to do it for a bit of Christmas fun but they are still playing along this year and pretending they believe it's all real.

Mrsjayy · 01/12/2023 11:52

I really don't think kids think it's real but you can make it fun and "magical " for her.

Nonplusultra · 01/12/2023 11:52

I had a relentlessly logical one too Xmas Smile

I think it was all more magical when I was a child because Santa was a dim and distant figure who lived at the North Pole, except for one rare winter day when you could queue up for an hour to see him in the city centre and bravely tell this intimidating ancient adult what you wanted for Christmas.

We just missed the elf - dd begged for one and we played the game, but she didn’t actually believe at that point. But I don’t think it’s possible for kids to believe a magical elf has arrived from the North Pole when they’re on sale everywhere you look. And whatever about believing in elves, it’s surely stretching the limits of credulity to believe that they turn into plastic toys.

Once they figure out one thing is a hoax the whole house of cards comes down.

Reugny · 01/12/2023 11:54

whereaw · 01/12/2023 11:44

Somewhat off topic, but I've heard so many conversations and group chat messages about kids telling other kids Santa isn't real, which kids it was, whispers and anger amongst the mums...
I get it, but I've never heard similar about the kids who push, hit, name call, bully etc. and I have to say that I think children who talk about and question Santa (ie tell the truth!) are not bad kids, it's totally normal.
I think, with the elves, most children of school age are aware that it's a game put together by the parents! But either way, it's just a bit of fun. I would just be vague, 'some people think they are, what do you think?' It's just fun and imagination, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

One of the issues is teaching manners around other people's beliefs.

So I've had children come to me in the past normally around ages 6 and 7 to tell me Santa doesn't exist. As they have younger siblings, cousins or family friend's children they hang out with I tell them it isn't polite to tell younger children that Santa doesn't exist and as the younger child(ren) enjoys believing in Santa the younger child(ren) needs to find out themselves.

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/12/2023 11:54

Smart kid - she's saving you a lot of work, too.

Reugny · 01/12/2023 11:56

Once they figure out one thing is a hoax the whole house of cards comes down.

@Nonplusultra Nah we have great fun as a family every year looking at where Santa is delivering presents on the website set up by NASA.

One of my nephews started it about 10 years ago as a teen.

LBFseBrom · 01/12/2023 11:59

SutWytTi · 01/12/2023 11:32

I would be honest and say it is a Christmas game.

We don't all have to believe the same things.

She's not spoiling the magic because it isn't magic! The true magic of Christmas is the traditions we make, which do not have to involve lying at all.

Quite right, Sut.

I never taught mine that Santa was real, I said it was a traditional story and fun to pretend (or something like that, it was a long time ago). We did have lots of fun without deception.

LeopardPJS · 01/12/2023 12:00

I also have a Christmas sceptic! She is six now but she'd never believed in the whole Santa thing, not even when she was 3/4. To my shock she just said to me calmly one day, 'I don't really believe that mummy, I think the parents do it.' I didn't want to go all-out on the fibbing so told her its up to her whether she wants to believe it but she has to play along for her little sister 😂

queenMab99 · 01/12/2023 12:01

We never bothered with elves, but my granddaughter said aged 3, one tea time, that there was no such thing as Father Christmas, I was shocked and asked who had told her such a thing? She said in a very serious tone, 'I told my self, I didn't need any one to tell me.'
She did play the game, how ever and never told her younger brother or cousins.

cooroocoocoo · 01/12/2023 12:02

Not all families do the Elf thing, it is a new imported tradition for me tbh (invented by a couple in the US, right?), so your DD's classmates will not have the same assumptions or support the magic.

Santa is different as it tends to be done by all families to some degree.

In this context, I would be honest and say it is a fun Christmas game.

queenMab99 · 01/12/2023 12:03

We also talked about the spirit of Christmas, and that Father Christmas represents the love, and giving, between people.

DappledThings · 01/12/2023 12:03

DS was 6 when he asked if Father Christmas was real. I answered him honestly and he was quite happy with that. I don't get the "ruining the magic" thing. Christmas is still Christmas with presents and chocolate and his family. No angst about it.

whereaw · 01/12/2023 12:03

@Reugny yes I agree with that, but talking amongst your friends at school, questioning it and getting your friends opinions is a pretty normal thing to do. Gleefully telling someone Santa isn't real, hahaha, is quite another thing.

I would imagine it happens precisely because as parents we are pushing it so much on kids, and I'm guilty of that too and have threatened bad behaviour with - what would Santa think? Blush I think we are losing some of the magic, with multiple Santa visits, Christmas experiences, elves, advent calendars etc. but it is what it is and I'm guilty of all of it myself!

TeacherGiftAdvice · 01/12/2023 12:10

I have never had this conversation (Father Christmas rather than elves - the elves weren't a thing) with my teens, obviously they know it's not real and have done for years. Kids just come to realise its pretend but still fun.
There seems to be so must angst around it now, we still do Christmas exactly the same. Heck even before we had the kids me and DH would wait until late on Christmas eve to put presents under the tree and pretend "he's been" when we got up.

TeacherGiftAdvice · 01/12/2023 12:12

And personally I like to have a laugh at these absolute nut jobs that worry about deceiving their children and breaking trust etc etc.
Newsflash- kids like make believe.
I bet the kids of these people go for it like crazy when they have kids of there own die to missing out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread