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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a facelift

44 replies

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 07:35

I'm early 40s. I'm pretty ordinary. I was never that hot in youth.

But the sagging is getting me down. And I think a good one really does take ten years off. I'd love to look early 30s again for a bit.

Or should I stop being such a narcissist and just grow old gracefully and with wisdom?

(Easier for Michelle Yeoh than people who look like me tho😁)

OP posts:
Chestnut5 · 01/12/2023 07:56

Only you can decide. If it's very saggy then I say get one but if it's moderately then I'd say you're in the norm and get a good hair cut etc to distract from it x

facematters · 01/12/2023 07:58

I did 3 years ago (age 50) and it was the best thing ever, I am definitely happier and more confident for it. If you choose your surgeon carefully no one will ever know. It will take 10 years off you and that will be permanent, so at 60 you will look 50, etc.
However 40 is very young, unless you are unlucky and have aged prematurely. Maybe wait until you are older as you will get a more significant improvement which may be better value for money.
Ignore those that say use fillers and other treatments. They are poor value for money and often look unnatural. Over the years you will spend at least as much on these things than if you had the facelift.
Consider the risks, as with everything, and choose a surgeon who aims for a natural look.

Quitelikeit · 01/12/2023 08:00

Don’t get it yet. Get fillers and skin boosters.

Get your face lift in 6/7 years

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 08:07

You can make your face look permanently 40/50, but your neck and hands will always show your true age.
Why not embrace ageing?

Catza · 01/12/2023 08:09

I think 40 is too early. There are a lot of advanced cosmetic treatments at the moment that can improve appearance and I would try these first. Doesn't need to be fillers necessarily although I disagree with the previous poster about them always looking unnatural. My own mother didn't notice I had lip filler and botox. It's all about the skill of the practitioner and not going overboard. I have botox twice a year and 0.5-1ml filler every 18 months so it is not a big investment (works out less than £30 a month).
I am planning to have plasma treatment done for my eyelids in the new year. I am also in my 40th and I don't think I would be considering facelift for another 15 years. Although, we will see what menopause will do to my skin...

balmysummerevening · 01/12/2023 08:13

Too early. I enquired about this (mid 40s) and the consultant told me he never does them that young as after menopause your face sags considerably more (oh joy!). Therefore, best to get it done later on. Try fillers and botox for now (they dont help with sagging but if you put a tiny bit of filler in cheekbone area your face will appear more lifted). When done well, they are not very noticeable and can look incredible.

TheAverageJoanne · 01/12/2023 08:14

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 08:07

You can make your face look permanently 40/50, but your neck and hands will always show your true age.
Why not embrace ageing?

Edited

I was told "you've got old hands" when I was 14.

nottaotter · 01/12/2023 08:18

@facematters can I ask how you found your surgeon and roughly where in the country in are?

giraffetrousers · 01/12/2023 08:21

TheAverageJoanne · 01/12/2023 08:14

I was told "you've got old hands" when I was 14.

Show quote history

Me too lol. I've always had bony hands with very little fat on them, even when I was a teenager- I still want my face to look good!

Original poster
Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 08:23

So I have done Botox for a while (recommend!) and tried ultherapy earlier in the year (I think it has popped back again already:( ). I am going to do a bit of microneedling just for a freshen up. But my experience tells me that the smaller things don't really have much impact.

Take your point about it being a bit early but I definitely, quite suddenly I think, look "old". Not older than my age but not a good version of my age, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
facematters · 01/12/2023 08:29

Yes in my experience menopause can make everything sag quite dramatically. HRT helps with this but when you come off it your skin will sag more. My wrinkly eyes look slightly out of step with my face now and my neck is starting to wrinkle a bit. But I still look fantastic for my age and no regrets.
I did have fat transfer into my cheeks as part of the procedure and this really enhanced the overall result.
But I agree with others, I think 40
Is too young.

facematters · 01/12/2023 08:32

nottaotter · 01/12/2023 08:18

@facematters can I ask how you found your surgeon and roughly where in the country in are?

South of England. I had a bit of industry knowledge but Google is a good resource.

Galectable · 01/12/2023 08:35

I feel sad for you that you are unhappy with your appearance. One of my oldest friends has always been quite plain but she's such a happy smiley person that she always has lots of friends and a great social life. I realised that a warm smiling face beats a 'beautiful' face any day. Wear clothes that suit you and have your hair cut in a flattering style. Cosmetic surgery should be a last resort, it's a slippery slope in my opinion. Rather spend your money on fun activities and adventures. Good luck!!

Original poster
Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 08:38

I was a really ugly teen and twenty something. I "blossomed" about 33 (to the extent of becoming normal) and I hate the idea of going back because I know exactly how the world treats ugly people and it's shite. Of course ageism is a compounding complication so maybe I just need to roll with it.

You know what else is annoying? If I express the view that men have it relatively better because they're considered to improve with age some guy will inevitably say it's "rebalancing" for when women had all the power and choice. I never had any such thing! I mean it's not like the world's biggest deal it just gets on my nerves.

OP posts:
jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 08:44

Clearly there is no COL crisis in the 'I need to look younger' section of the world

Original poster
Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 08:58

My job pays fairly well relatively speaking. I'm not rich but I can afford it. We all make choices that suit us. For example, I don't have a car and I bet you do.

OP posts:
nottaotter · 01/12/2023 09:12

@Tarbert12 I think do your research and have at least 3 consultations so you can compare what advcie you are given. I have had a couple of things done, not face, and am very pleased with results. I am planning on an eyelift in the next year or so.

Cotswoldmama · 01/12/2023 09:20

If I had the money. I think this is something I'd consider, I hate the look of fillers and Botox so would never consider them as I feel they change your face. But I feel like a face lift would mean you would still look like you. I think go for it but maybe hold out a few more years or as long as you can!

BettyBunnyBoo · 01/12/2023 09:36

A lady recently posted her facelift journey in the style and beauty section. She was pleased with her results and looked great after the lift, but it looked to me like quite extensive surgery and recovery time. I don’t think I would have one unless very extreme sagging.

balmysummerevening · 01/12/2023 10:22

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 08:44

Clearly there is no COL crisis in the 'I need to look younger' section of the world

I find this such a bizarre viewpoint! We all prioritise what we spend our money on. What you might choose to buy might be my idea of a complete waste of finances.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 10:28

balmysummerevening · 01/12/2023 10:22

I find this such a bizarre viewpoint! We all prioritise what we spend our money on. What you might choose to buy might be my idea of a complete waste of finances.

Show quote history

Exactly this!!

What a stupid, bitchy and pointless comment

Theres no COL crisis in the house buying market, or shoes, or handbags, or new offices being built etc etc clearly!!!

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 10:30

Anyway to answer the question I would love a facelift. Im in my 50s and during peri menopause my face just looked like it had slid off itself. I have lost so much fat, and then I lost a lot of weight and more fat disappeared. I have no face!!!!

And massive turkey neck

But Im a coward

Also It annoys me when people say they had a surgery like this and are secretive about their surgeon and company, telling people to 'google it', well google is a minefield when it comes to stuff like this, you dont know what you're looking at or for so names and places are helpful please.

squeekychicken · 01/12/2023 10:35

Have you heard of threading- non surgical facelift. I've saw the results and they are fab.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 10:37

Ive looked at these but they not much cheaper than a full facelift and Im not sure on the longevity of it. I would be very interested because is sort of non surgical

Original poster
Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 10:46

I think when I do it I want to go the whole hog, deep plane, someone really experienced.

Dominic Bray looks amazing but his prices are huge (his website says up to 60k) and I wonder if that's because he's a celebrity surgeon. I do get that it's your face and you don't want to scrimp if you're going to do it at all but that's a lot.

OP posts: