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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get a facelift

44 replies

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 07:35

I'm early 40s. I'm pretty ordinary. I was never that hot in youth.

But the sagging is getting me down. And I think a good one really does take ten years off. I'd love to look early 30s again for a bit.

Or should I stop being such a narcissist and just grow old gracefully and with wisdom?

(Easier for Michelle Yeoh than people who look like me tho😁)

OP posts:
bellac11 · 01/12/2023 10:57

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 10:46

I think when I do it I want to go the whole hog, deep plane, someone really experienced.

Dominic Bray looks amazing but his prices are huge (his website says up to 60k) and I wonder if that's because he's a celebrity surgeon. I do get that it's your face and you don't want to scrimp if you're going to do it at all but that's a lot.

Christ.

Polo necks, scarves and sunglasses are cheaper!

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 11:23

Yes but not as good!

OP posts:
skippy67 · 01/12/2023 11:35

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 08:44

Clearly there is no COL crisis in the 'I need to look younger' section of the world

What people choose to spend their money on is up to them. You know that, right?

Farmageddon · 01/12/2023 11:45

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 10:46

I think when I do it I want to go the whole hog, deep plane, someone really experienced.

Dominic Bray looks amazing but his prices are huge (his website says up to 60k) and I wonder if that's because he's a celebrity surgeon. I do get that it's your face and you don't want to scrimp if you're going to do it at all but that's a lot.

OP, have a look at posts by WagsandClaws, Damedoom, or more recently CollagenQueen in the Style and Beauty section. They have all had facelifts/ neck lifts in the last few years with good results and have documented the recovery and who they went to.

I looked into BellaVou clinic in Tumbridge Wells, which is where WagsandClaws went a few years ago, and their results look really good. Their prices are more like £20k for a full facelift and fat transfer. Although some people choose to only have a local anaesthetic, which I would hate - I want to be asleep and wake up when it's all over.

Anyway, I would say do lots of research and go for it if it's something that really bothers you. Life is too short to be unhappy with something you can change.

I will definitely be getting something like this done in the next 5-10 years - I have seen my future, and it is jowly. My mother, whom I take after absolutely hates her jowls and hates looking in the mirror, but would never go down the route of surgery, her choice.

I absolutely will if I can afford it, I don't care if someone else thinks that makes me vain. I would also rather do it in my mid to late 40's for a more subtle change rather than wait until my late 50s and have a huge dramatic change.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide.

facematters · 01/12/2023 12:11

Happy to share surgeon details if anyone wants to PM me,

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 15:22

@skippy67 Of course I understand. Don't be facetious

funbags3 · 01/12/2023 15:25

I've been thinking about it for 3 years. Early 50s and think I might next year.

jemenfous37 · 01/12/2023 15:25

@bellac11 Such a charmer!

Justleaveitblankthen · 01/12/2023 17:39

facematters · 01/12/2023 07:58

I did 3 years ago (age 50) and it was the best thing ever, I am definitely happier and more confident for it. If you choose your surgeon carefully no one will ever know. It will take 10 years off you and that will be permanent, so at 60 you will look 50, etc.
However 40 is very young, unless you are unlucky and have aged prematurely. Maybe wait until you are older as you will get a more significant improvement which may be better value for money.
Ignore those that say use fillers and other treatments. They are poor value for money and often look unnatural. Over the years you will spend at least as much on these things than if you had the facelift.
Consider the risks, as with everything, and choose a surgeon who aims for a natural look.

Oh, is there any chance you could do your own thread on your experience please? I have been considering this for a few years (almost 55)

Liamgallaghersparka · 01/12/2023 17:46

Try face yoga, I'm 51 and it's made a massive difference, it also gives your skin a nice glow. Look up Danielle Collins on YouTube.
Saves a fortune too as it's free.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 17:52

Liamgallaghersparka · 01/12/2023 17:46

Try face yoga, I'm 51 and it's made a massive difference, it also gives your skin a nice glow. Look up Danielle Collins on YouTube.
Saves a fortune too as it's free.

If youve already got the right structure then yes, but if you have literally sagging skin and fat loss and never had any cheek bones in the first place so fat was the only shaping your face had, face yoga is not going to get the results someone like me needs

nottaotter · 01/12/2023 18:01

@Liamgallaghersparka She has botox and fillers so I think yoga only helps so much.

Galectable · 01/12/2023 18:17

I find it so sad. I was at a function once standing beside a doctor I knew. He was whispering that the woman in front of us had had a face lift because he could see the surgery lines. I was disgusted by his attitude but also sad for her insecurities that took her down the face lift road. I wish I could make people happy without plastic surgery.

Tarbert12 · 05/12/2023 21:24

But why pretend that age and attractiveness don't affect quality of life? Isn't it empowering to tweak if you can?

OP posts:
Farmageddon · 05/12/2023 21:45

OP, do what suits you and ignore other people's judgement - that's on them.

Catza · 05/12/2023 22:54

Tarbert12 · 05/12/2023 21:24

But why pretend that age and attractiveness don't affect quality of life? Isn't it empowering to tweak if you can?

Age affects quality of life. I have better quality of life in my 40s than I did in decades previously due to being smarter, wiser and having more disposable income. I am looking forward to the years ahead and making sure I keep my body in top condition as there is nothing more important than being able bodied in older age. Unfortunately, face lift isn’t going to give you much in a way of quality of life, if you otherwise neglect your health.
Can’t speak for attractiveness though. I would consider myself attractive but it’s never given me any special powers. Still had to work hard to prove myself at work and never got as much as a free coffee just for being pretty.
I would consider whether your expectations of the procedure are actually realistic.

LeilaDarling · 05/12/2023 23:25

Hi
As you’re in the South please look at the wonderful Nigel Carver - his work and reputation is incredible. Have had two surgeries with him and when I’m 50 will be having a facelift - hoping he won’t retire by then!

balmysummerevening · 06/12/2023 08:11

OP- just ignore all the judgy comments. I have had some cosmetic procedures done and they made me feel fantastic. I am not obsessed with my appearance and I certainly don't see it as the be all and end all but it has boosted my self esteem and given me confidence. It's your money and you can spend it on whatever the fck you like. People spend thousands on going on holiday for example and that's all over in 2 weeks. Fixing something about your appearance that makes you self conscious lasts years and you see the benefits of it every single day. To me, its a great investment.

bubblyone · 16/03/2024 08:25

Tarbert12 · 01/12/2023 07:35

I'm early 40s. I'm pretty ordinary. I was never that hot in youth.

But the sagging is getting me down. And I think a good one really does take ten years off. I'd love to look early 30s again for a bit.

Or should I stop being such a narcissist and just grow old gracefully and with wisdom?

(Easier for Michelle Yeoh than people who look like me tho😁)

Late to this, but just wanted to add that I almost could have written that myself. I have never been some great beauty, and someone even said to me "oh, you look better. You grew into your face" in my 20s, having not seen me since school.
My weight fluctuated a LOT over the years, and in leaner periods I know my hormones took a beating. Between that and maybe genetics or something, I was definitely feeling like I was looking older than I wanted in my early 40s. I reached a slim weight that wasn't too lean and seemed sustainable, but my face was sagging and there were areas of volume loss. I could get away with it when animated, but not when at rest. It took 2 consultations almost a year apart to decide to definitely go ahead with a facelift and lower blepharoplasty. I'd wanted my eyes fixed for years but was putting it off. I had hoped I'd get away with a quick mini facelift, but surgeon said it wouldn't give me what I wanted, so I decided I would just do both together for one recovery. I was 44 at the time. A few months later he did a little fat transfer to my cheeks under local to fill in some volume.

I don't regret it at all. It's not even that I think I'm some stunner - I just like not having to have this feeling of being droopy and tired hanging over me. Nobody seemed to notice, apart from telling me I look well. That includes people who would ask! I don't think it's possible to tell someone they're too young based just on chronological age. I mean, 30 does sound a bit bananas, but I was definitely showing signs of ageing that nothing else but surgery would have fixed. Looked into all the non-surgical options like RFA, ultrasound, injectables etc and 1. they were unlikely to have more than a mild tightening effect and 2. people can end up worse off from them - reports of fat loss/scarring/overfilled faces (and it doesn't wear off like they say).

All that ramble to say I never thought I was the kind of person who'd be getting a facelift in their mid 40s. I'm very ordinary! But life happened and I didn't feel like I wanted to "embrace" looking older than my years. It was daunting and a huge decision, but I'm so glad I had it done. 2 years on and going well!

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