Feeling guilty about not having a good Christmas

[notaverymerrychristmas]

I'm a 28 year old single parent (recently divorced) to a toddler and I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I haven't bought a thing, haven't got loads of lovely decorations or food in. For some background, my mum died earlier this year and my dad is currently in hospital quite severely poorly. I also moved house two weeks ago. I'm so so skint I can barely afford to feed us and I feel horrendous panicking about what I'm going to do for Christmas presents etc. I know it's not the be all and end all but it breaks my heart that my son won't have the Christmas I would like him to have. Add to that the grief, the stress of everything else I am so down and absolutely dreading Christmas. I don't think social media/the media in general helps, everywhere I look everyone seems to be having a jolly old time and doing lovely things for Christmas.
No idea what I'm asking here but I suppose I just need people to tell me that he will be fine if he doesn't have tonnes of presents etc. I know that's true but the guilt is really getting to me I feel like I should be doing more and trying harder to get into the Christmas spirit but I just can't seem to find it in me

He's a toddler. He won't care if you get him a couple of things from Poundland and don't have a roast dinner!

You most definitely aren't the only person in your position. The people struggling won't be posting pictures all over social media though so I get why you'd feel like you're alone with this problem

Remember it's about being together not things. At his age anything wrapped up will be fun x

I think it might be helpful to take a step back from social media for December. Your son is only little, he will have no expectations. Fill your lounge with balloons filled with sweets on Christmas morning and bounce on them to burst them. Wrap a couple of Poundland gifts up for under the tree and spend the day watching cartoons. Do things you wouldn't normally do like a floor picnic for tea. All he cares about is being safe and happy with mum

It’s ok to look forward to January OP. Your boy wont know and he will be happy with a packet of balloons/some bubbles/a pound shop toy, but most importantly spending the day with his mummy. Sending you a big hug x

I'm so sorry to hear your situation at the moment. Sending hugs.

Your wee toddler won't be expecting a huge pile of presents and certainly won't remember what they did or didn't have in years to come.

It's even harder with social media now when it feels like everyone is having a wonderful time and perfect Christmases, but I don't really believe that they all are, even if it feels that way sometimes. Your little one will just be happy to spend the time with you ❤️

He's a toddler, he won't mind about anything.

Grab some Christmas books from the library and go for walks and look at Christmas lights.

I was broke with two small children at that stage and we still had fun just reading stories and going out to look at the houses and going to christingle

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Try this for financial help.

My charity know there are people out there who need help but we can't give away our grants because people aren't asking

You've still got time OP, it's only November 30th! Your toddler honestly won't care if you only spend £20 (if that!). You can fill up a stocking with bits and bobs/sweets and he will love it. Go out and look at Christmas lights, watch some Christmas TV. No need to feel guilty at all. Ignore all the insta bollocks and people filling Christmas eve boxes and advent boxes and bloody finishing school for Christmas boxes (!). You don't need any of that. I really hope your dad improves x

Do you have any friends or family nearby who might invite you round for Christmas dinner?

Could you get some second hand toys on Facebook market place or similar or a charity shop. Kids don't care if it's not in a proper box. Ours loves the free stuff: walk round and look at the Christmas lights, walk round the local garden centre (ours is awesome at Christmas), make some Christmas decorations, watch films.

Bless you... I wouldn't worry too much. He's only little and he won't understand much. Put a mince pie out on Christmas eve for Santa. Do him a small stocking...you can get ready filled ones I think or just buy a couple of bits from the pound shop like crayons and chocolate coins. Just relax on the day...eat what you want, go for a walk, watch some TV. Things will improve. Sorry to hear about your mum and dad. Sounds like you've been through a lot. Don't worry too much about Christmas...it's a lot of hype for one day

Op I’ve bought loads of second hand gifts off Vinted for my 3 children due to feeling the pinch this year at Christmas

I know some people give stuff away for free on fb market place including wrapping paper.

I would try and do that and don’t worry it doesn’t have to be a huge extravagant Christmas as long as you and your little one have each other that’s all Christmas is about really x

Of course Christmas isn't about how much you've spent and presents etc.
Have you looked on your local Facebook free sites. There are tonnes of toys and decorations being given away by people on mine. The local food banks are also collecting toys to donate to local people. Explain your situation to yours. There are lots of people who want to help people in your situation. Don't be too proud to ask.
Untimely though, your toddler won't care.

No need for tons of presents - he's not even old enough to think of comparing with friends. Wrap up things you'd have to buy anyway - we always got a new toothbrush. He'll just love the wrapping paper. A bit of tinsel will seem exciting, or even paper chains made out of scrap paper. Check charity shops for cheap toys - he won't know or care if they're second hand, and he doesn't need a lot.

Libraries often have a box of Christmas books they get out about now. Churches may well have events for children which are free. Admire people's lights. If you go to a garden centre or shopping centre with lots of decorations, he wont know that the queue is to see Santa - it'll just like a lot of people getting bored!

And food - he'll be delighted with something he's normally only allowed as a treat, and his favourite lunch (even if its beans on toast).

A toddler won’t notice if it’s Christmas Day or Easter, he will only need to be playing and will eat whatever food you usually provide. Maybe get him a small chocolate Santa and a small toy /book/anything he’s interested in.

As you are struggling financially see if you can get a referral to a food bank. Your GP/health visitor/Citezens Advice will be able to refer you.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Please don’t stress it. my DC was really only interested in wrapping paper, boxes and the wee contents of the stocking at two. They do not have a clue and actually are quite overwhelmed at that age. The balloons idea upthread is fantastic, I would never have thought of that at christmas, but balloons were always one of the main attractions at birthdays so great shout. Consider having a sweetie treasure hunt - hide them around living room and decorate a little tub or basket to collect them in like at easter. The Christmas eve rituals like reindeer dust, santa snack etc then checking in the morning are the most exciting parts. Make their favourite food for lunch (its not likely to be a four course roast dinner!) and spend time not money with your child. You’ll both have a great time.

Honestly your toddler will be thrilled with very little! Can you sell anything to raise just a little money? You could have a nice day for about £25

Wrap cheap bits from supermarket/charity so there's a stocking to enjoy unwrapping.

• bag of choc coins
• pack of crayons
• pot of playdo
• cheap vehicle from pound shop
• sticker book
• useful stuff like christmas socks or pants with favourite character can be cheap in asda etc

Carrots/peas/sprouts/small chicken, few potatoes & some lard - roast dinner for under £10

Honestly, no one really looks back and cares much what presents they got for Christmas. It's special because of all the lovely memories and most of these are made for free!! Lovely walks, go see some nice lights, do Xmas baking, hot chocolate. I really hate how commercialised Xmas has become, it makes no one happy.

Whack a Christmas film on, have a load of cuddles and give yourself a break. You will have plenty of future Christmases with your DC, and as pp says, he will have no expectations. Get some shiny rubbish from the pound shop from Santa, he'll be delighted. I'm sorry you've had such a bad year and hope things look up soon x

At that age, if you can spare the money, just go to a charity shop with a few pounds and buy some bits for the little one and decorations.

Make some Christmas biscuits with them too and do a few Christmas drawings/paper rings.

I think when you look back on Christmas when you was younger I can probably only name you a handful of presents I got over the years.
But what i do remember was probably more simple stuff like a light switch on in town or going to see the big Christmas tree that got set up there and things like carol concerts. Even stuff like opening advent calendars was so exciting, Christmas movie night with some hot chocolates would be lovely - maybe build a fort in the living room and watch some films.
I definitely think you’re right about social media but what we all need to remember is these people that make the tik toks and reels get invited to events and grottos etc for free in order to promote them, so it’s not all what it seems.

I used to take mine for a wander round the village we lived in, looking for the most extravagant lights on other people’s houses/gardens. There were always a few that were way over the top. It cost nothing and the children loved it. Hopefully you can find a few decorations that don’t cost much. I like to put holly around the place (often found some I could cut for free). Is your toddler at nursery? I bet he or she will come home with things they’ve made. It’s not easy being cheerful when things are so hard, but it’s the small things that will make your toddler’s Christmas magical.

You have so much going on - the loss of your mum, illness of your father, house move plus not enough money. So and for you.

He's a toddler so you can make Christmas enjoyable for him with very little money.

Buy him three or four things from a charity/cheap shop plus a selection box and wrap them up. Get a few books and small toys from the charity shop to put into a stocking (again from the charity shop).

We had some Christmasses that were very tight. Some things I did that helped were:
-Buy food for a Christmas hamper - it makes it look like there is a lot of exciting stuff around but the money is all usefully spent on things you will use anyway
-make decorations from cheap or scrap paper - paper chains are excellent if you get enough of them, and there are loads of good designs online
-if you don't have one already, don't buy a tree - they are absolutely not essential
-plan lots of free or cheap Christmas treats - walk to see lights, hot chocolate, christmas tree crumpets, trip to the museum, Christmas treasure hunt you plan yourself (find a robin/chimney/wreath/santa etc), Christmas disco, Christmas film afternoon

Christmas is a feeling, and it doesn't need money. I know it is tough, but you can make it good enough for your son

Also please consider going to a charity in your local area who may help you with the cost.

Please don't worry my dc had charity shop stuff at that age.
Honestly do you think a toddler cares if the little key board you got him was 2 pound from a charity shop working perfectly or 30 new?

Also people have big clear out of toys before Xmas so maybe look at local free cycle sites

Very very simple things will be pleasurable this year.

Enjoy take the pressure off he's not a teen he's tiny. He will have the best time just doing normal stuff.