Feeling guilty about not having a good Christmas

[notaverymerrychristmas]

I'm a 28 year old single parent (recently divorced) to a toddler and I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I haven't bought a thing, haven't got loads of lovely decorations or food in. For some background, my mum died earlier this year and my dad is currently in hospital quite severely poorly. I also moved house two weeks ago. I'm so so skint I can barely afford to feed us and I feel horrendous panicking about what I'm going to do for Christmas presents etc. I know it's not the be all and end all but it breaks my heart that my son won't have the Christmas I would like him to have. Add to that the grief, the stress of everything else I am so down and absolutely dreading Christmas. I don't think social media/the media in general helps, everywhere I look everyone seems to be having a jolly old time and doing lovely things for Christmas.
No idea what I'm asking here but I suppose I just need people to tell me that he will be fine if he doesn't have tonnes of presents etc. I know that's true but the guilt is really getting to me I feel like I should be doing more and trying harder to get into the Christmas spirit but I just can't seem to find it in me

A toddler doesn't realise it's Xmas. Just have a day that's nice for him by spending time together doing stuff together.
Buy a few gifts if you want and have some food that you both like.

Do you go to any playgroups? They usually have a Santa.

Bake some cookies, go and see the lights, visit the library, watch some films.
That's the kind of things we did when money was tight.

Hopefully next year brings better times.

Poundland has these very cheap (£1) LED light strings running on AAs batteries
For less than a fivver, you can create a full Xmas atmosphere that even your toddler can perceive and enjoy

I spent 3 Xmases in a row totally broke and totally alone, I know how it feels

Beginning of December is actually the most depressing, the ads, the Xmas buzz, everyone talking about their plans, family, etc, while you smile politely and make up bs while you hurt inside.

I never got depressed or felt sad/lonely on Xmas Day, everyone stays indoors, it s just very quiet. If you re home with your toddler, a nice meal for you two and a few simple but enjoyable activities, I m sure you ll have a good day

Sending you many hugs

One of the best presents for a kid that age is a big cardboard box, wrapped in paper, with a balloon inside it. If you can get markers or paints, then it is many hours of craft activity to decorate it, and then it can become a fort, house or boat - our was a boat and we had it for months - they loved decorating it and it gave huge amounts of pleasure. There'll be a local Facebook or freegle site where you can ask for a large box - it was honestly the best fun.

I’m wondering what would feed your soul this Christmas? You can’t change your circumstances but what might feel good?

Getting into bed and watching a Christmas film together?

Drawing Christmas cards for people you love?

Making paper snowflakes out of scrap paper?

Painting your nails or having a hot bath?

Your toddler doesn’t want or know anything about Christmas. All the expectation comes from you. YOU have to be the one to tell yourself “my love is enough” and ignore the disgusting displays of consumerism on social media. Maybe take a break over Christmas? You have to have the strength to resist all the bollocks people post online. It hides so much reality. What you have, is real. And there is no shame.

You have to look after yourself as much as you can. The best Christmas present your toddler can get is a mum who has recharged her battery a little.

good luck

As above, look at stuff to do that's free. Wrap up warm and go see Christmas lights-if there are non near you walk round your local area and look at the shit people have put in their gardens-mine used to love doing this, they're too old now 😪
Snuggle up and watch Christmas films.
Make snowflake/gingerbread men paper decorations.
Make reindeer food.
Your toddler will not remember what you bought him trust me, I can remember one gift only from my childhood -a Cindy stable and horse, I was way older than a toddler.

Hello I came across your post and not sure if this might be helpful to you, do you have a local homestart group to you? This could really help you with your situation. They’ve helped me tons since losing my dad last year xxxx

OP, please don't feel bad. You don't have to go all out. You could get a few cheap bits of tinsel, some cheap Xmas party food and a couple of toys from the charity shop.. i really don't think your toddler will care.. Christmas is how you make it. I know you don't think you can give him a lovely Xmas, but honestly.. its just material stuff.

I'm a single parent, my first Xmas in our new home with DD, she got a few presents, I bought cheap decorations from B&M and then we just had party food and snacks. We snuggled up in the evening and watched the Grinch.

It was my best Xmas ever.

Xx

Tinsel and pretty lights will make it Christmas imo. Plus some decorations - charity shops (esp hospice shops) often have lots of things which would suit. Just make it a bit different to normal life and he will think it's brilliant.

I’m so sorry you are having such an awful time. Your toddler will not care at all, don’t fret about that. If it makes you feel better buy them a cheap stocking and fill it with some small chocolates and a few small toys. Spend less than £15. He willl be thrilled. X

OP you do not need to feel worried about your toddler at all. He won't know or remember.

However, you can make it great for him by walking around the streets near Christmas and looking at all the lights on houses. Free and fun.

You can get a small fake tree for a fiver in argos and a string of cheap tinsel for a pound ish. These will be very pleasing to a toddler.

And his affections can be easily bought with chocolate.

I'd say sod the food entirely. No toddler cares if they are eating a turkey dinner. They could eat a few crisps and be happy.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Take the advice on this thread and just give yourself a break. You will get there x

My local area has a freebay page on Facebook where once a week you can request items for free. If there is anything similar near you I bet you'd be inundated with offers for your toddler if you explained the situation. Best of luck to you xx

So sorry to hear about your mum and about your dad being in hospital, I'm not surprised you're not feeling in the Christmas spirit this year.

Your little boy will be delighted with a couple of new toys and story books (and they don't have to be new, just new to him). Go out for some walks in the evenings to see the local Christmas lights (one of my kids' favourite things to do in the run up to Christmas since they were that age). Cuddle up on the sofa to watch The Snowman, the CBeebies pantomime, etc. You're free to make your own Christmas traditions with him and believe me, not everyone will be having the picture perfect Christmas that social media might suggest.

Toddlers don’t have a clue what is going on so don’t stress. Do the best you can with what you have. He won’t know if it’s December or not so don’t panic about a lack of decorations. Presents wise, toddlers are happy with the most basic things imaginable.

I'm so sorry you have had such a tough year op.

Don't worry about what you see on social media. A lot of it's a load of rubbish. The reality is much different.

As your ds is still so young, I would wrap just a few cheap things if you can. None of my dc remember their Christmas when they were toddlers so I wouldn't stress too much.

For my eldest dc first two Christmases, we had a mini tree from the pound shop and that was it for the decorations. They had some gifts from a charity shop which totaled less than £10. They remember none of it.

You could make Christmas Day special by doing things different to usual. Put on some Christmas music and dance around with your ds. Go for a walk to see the lights. Cbeebies usually do a pantomime too.

As long as your ds is loved and safe your doing a great job.

No idea what I'm asking here
Money??

For me, tonnes of presents and "filling the lounge room" for one toddler isn't something to aspire to, it's quite tacky really. A couple of little things from pound shop or charity shop will be fine at his age. It's much nicer than cluttering your house with plastic crap.

This is a lovely thread with simple ideas https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/4953859-simple-frugal-christmas?page=2&reply=131123791

At the toddler age mine just found it exciting reading stories about Christmas and going round looking at all the houses with lights. It's all so new and exciting to them.

Going to a christingle service or nativity service on Christmas eve or Christmas day always gives me a warm glow and they are never about the materialistic side of Christmas

Love it !

Homestart are great

You could look on Freecycle or Gumtree for toys

Churches often have an advent service for children

I used to take my DS to Pets At Home to look at the rabbits. Cheaper than a petting zoo

I think social media / TV makes Christmas a huge challenge for people who are lonely / isolated. It gives a false impression that everyone else is having the best time ever

Use Freecycle, Freegle, and charity shops to get a few presents to wrap up, buy some fairylights from Poundland, get some small bits and pieces of nice food and just do a little buffet for the two of you on Christmas Day.

Ignore Facebook and Instagram - especially Influencers - they get gifted most of their Christmas decorations anyway.