To feed back to school about this?

[CostelloJones]

DC is in reception. I am under no illusion that they are a little angel. generally DC is kind and loving, but gets easily over excited/carried away.

recently a certain member of staff has rubbed me up the wrong way tbh. She has twice spoken to me about DCs behaviour, which is fine, I want to know if DC has been behaving badly… but I really don’t like how she has phrased it.

the first time it was “X has attacked another child”
the second it was “They have been really hurting other children”

speaking to other members of staff, both times it has been over boisterous play. They told DC to stop but DC didn’t. The other child/ren were told off too. I had to really chase up other members of staff for this information.

AIBU to think that the way she has phrased it is both too vague and too loaded? Makes DC sound like a tiny psycho without giving any information. I’m really tempted to talk to the school about it because it’s not helpful.

I would rather just hear “X has been hitting today and wouldn’t stop so has been in time out”

But she has already done what you are talking about in terms of speaking to the school for further clarification. And obviously that is fine. But the point of the post seemed to be about talking to them specifically about the language used. And I don't think it is worth getting bogged down in that when the bigger issue is the behaviour and how to help her son.

@meganorks i was going to go for more of a

“Please do keep me updated about my child’s behaviour, however I would like more details to properly understand the context and nature of the incident”

and surely you could also say “You want to try and be building relationships with the parents not pissing them off.” it works both ways

This.

you’ve basically summarised my main gripe better than I have

I find the terms, "getting carried away", "acting boisterous" etc just using passive words for aggressive behaviour and dismissing that the child is clearly aggressive. Especially at 4 they know right from wrong. At the Playground there will always be one aggressive child hurting another, these children are in the minority (so no the behaviour is not normal) and it's always the parent who will laugh it off and make excuses for their poor parenting. Every single time.

The fact that you are more bothered about the language to describe your kid’s behaviour over what he is doing says it all really.

I stand by my comment that the language was over dramatic. It certainly wasn’t malicious intent, it was a 4yo playing a bit carelessly and still learning about social cues.
And I can totally understand a teacher being direct about it to ensure you are on board with dealing with it. It might not be with malicious intent but she needs to understand it isn't acceptable and for plenty of parents if it was couched in that kind of vagueness about social cues they might ignore it. Not saying you are, you said you talked to her but not everyone responds if there isn't a clear message.

@Nofilteritwonthelp i completely disagree, having worked in schools for a long time.

Some kids, especially groups of boys (including teenagers) will run about and chase eachother swing eachother around, grab and tackle eachother and take it too far. But there is never a malicious intent, they were all in on it, and they are all the best of friends throughout. That does not make rough play acceptable, by any means and it should be properly dealt with because of the possible dangers, but they are not purposefully trying to hurt eachother.

"Attacking someone" implies to me that one or more people have gone up to one or more others, with the intent to cause them malicious harm, be it punching, kicking, slapping them etc. It implies bullying and intimidation; that there is a victim and an aggressor.

This. "Attacked" is a very weird word to use in the context of a small child. The word has very negative connotations and implies intent.

Having said that I wouldn't mention this to school in terms of challenging the words used. I would probably try and bring it up at the time by asking something like "what do you mean by "attacked", what exactly happened?" If there was no opportunity to do that I'd contact the teacher later and ask for more details of the incident to better establish the facts. I agree OP that just saying your child attacked another doesn't leave you much to go on when trying to address the issue with your child.

@Nofilteritwonthelp What a load of rubbish. Children are still very much learning right from wrong and social skills at 4. And that continues throughout primary really. Small children often hurt other children (Often mutually) due to over boisterous play and/or an inability to regulate their emotions.. 4 is still very young. They aren't miniature adults!