Christmas party etiquette..

[KrisKringlee]

Yes I know, when you're at the Christmas party you're still at work. Have boundaries etc etc.

My conundrum is; my Christmas do is at the bar/ venue as DHs.. same time etc.

It's a weird venue with street food vendors and an incredible bar.

I've been at my job for 1 month. I want to go to be able to mingle and get to know my colleagues more etc. It'll be buy your own drinks etc no money behind the bar.

My DH is a judge and is taking his colleagues out for a Christmas drink, he wants me to meet his colleagues and said he will be putting a lot of money behind the bar to cover his colleagues drinks. He wants me to use the money he's put behind the bar. He also wants me to buy my colleagues all a drink using the bar tab he's paid for.

I am a dr but I feel so awkward about this situation. My boss had booked this venue before I joined and DH is a regular at this place and it's his birthday that day too.

Do I do as he suggested and buy all my colleagues a drink using the money we/ he put behind the bar? Do I introduce my DH to my colleagues? Do I leave my work do and go over and meet his colleagues?

If I tell the bar tender I'm with DH they will give us a massive discount/ make everyone's drink free all night but I don't want to draw attention to what DH does, because I've done it before and people have asked me why I'm still working which is odd.

Am I overthinking this? Should I just say 'oh my husband is here on his work do I'll get the first round in'

Yes I know first world problems.

I'd just say "I'll get the first round in" I'd be avoiding the free drinks all night situation in the case the person who organised it is offended.

I'd also introduce your husband to your colleagues. You can just say he works in civil and criminal law. You don't need to elaborate further.

Just try and go with the flow and enjoy the night

Thank you! I know it's a stupid situation to be worrying about but it has been worrying me! That sounds perfect though!

'Works in law' is perfect actually, vague enough to not be an issue.
Thank you!

You're a doctor, your job is worth doing whatever job your DH does 😂

I agree!! However in my previous job the amount that my colleagues used to say 'oh god if my other half was a judge I wouldn't be in work' it's an odd response i know but it really has put me off telling the truth about what he does when the conversation turns to 'what does your other half do'

Although to be honest in my last role we used to get a lot of abuse and a lot of my colleagues were burnt out and disillusioned with the job. Maybe I'm overthinking this 🤦‍♀️🤣

You are your own person and no need to hide anything. Just be yourself! People always have opinions, if it weren't your DH's job it would be something else. Just brush it off if anyone says anything as it's rude and misogynistic anyway.

You're very welcome ☺️ enjoy x

Going to Pergola?

I think don't offer to get the first round. You're new, it's sensible to get the lay of the land amongst your colleagues when they're socialising first. So if they instigate rounds then by all means stick yours on DH's tab, but if you're in a larger group the may all get their own.

Fine to mix with DH's group and introduce him to yours, weird to do anything else. But I'd be prioritising my new colleagues especially early on in the evening. It sounds like this new working environment is an important improvement for you, I personally wouldn't be setting myself out from the crowd early on.

Exactly this. Your focus should be on your colleagues.

Thank you!

I think you're best saying before hand, my husband's work is going there too, should opportunity arise.

Introduce if the venue means you encounter each other.

Absolutely do not mix the two parties in terms of paying for drinks. Do not use your husband's privilege of discounts etc. It might be all yaaaay cheap drinks for some but others may be weirdly put out. I don't know why. Jealousy I guess.

Yes this, completely, you need to fit in

I agree with @LizHoney. You need to prioritise yourself and your work night out.

And just because your husband wants you to use his tab, doesn't mean you have to. Do what is right for your situation.

Did he book the same venue after you? It just feels a bit tiresome to have your night now affected to by your husband's need to show his generosity.

And having to mingle? Your colleagues might be happy to do that but it's got to be their choice. And if you don't want to mingle with his colleagues that's also fine.

I'm sure he's a lovely man who is being very kind and generous but it can make people feel uncomfortable and especially so when they don't know the benefactor.

I would not do what your husband is suggesting. I would have my Christmas do with my colleagues and let him crack on with his. Wave across the room and say "oh, my husband is here with his company" then carry on socialising in your own group unless people ask to be introduced or he approaches himself for introductions. If he wants to treat your colleagues to a drink, he can be the one to offer it to them.

Well said.

You don't want to appear as though you can't function without your husband by your side. It's a works do, with "work" being the operative word.

I think I would play this by ear on the day and just see what the general vibe is. At the start just wave to your DH and tell your colleagues he's there, and then perhaps after everyone's had a couple of drinks, if it seems like everyone's fairly relaxed and happy to mingle, you can introduce him and he can offer them a round on his tab and you can pop over and say hello to his own colleagues.

None of this would be any kind of problem where I work (and we would all be absolutely delighted to be offered drinks by someone's partner) but I think you just want to get a feel for things before committing to introductions etc.

You don't have to tell them he's a judge, but personally if one of my colleagues introduced me to their partner and he turned out to be a judge, I'd simply think 'What an incredibly interesting and difficult job'.

Yeah. You are at your party. Get on with it and fit in according to the tone that has been set by whoever organised the night. Then, as the night unfolds, evolve accordingly. If your dh appears and decides to offer drinks then let him get on with it. I wouldn't assume responsibility for that at all. Your husband sounds lovely. On my last Christmas night out my horrible ex husband bought everyone a drink but me.

Might be worth finding out if your colleagues generally "big rounds" or not. If you buy the first round you might be committing other people to buying big rounds they may not be able to afford?

I would keep things separate initially. Prioritise your colleagues and get to know them. Definitely wouldn't buy rounds unless everyone else is. Chances are some people will just have a couple and go home, they won't want to get tied into rounds if that isn't their normal thing. Once you've been there an hour or 2, you could mingle with the other group and that would be the time for you to get your colleagues a free drink if they want one. I think I'd find it quite annoying if a new colleague completely changed the vibe of the work do when I was looking forward to catching up with friends etc. Later on after a few drinks wouldn't be an issue at all. Obviously nothing wrong with you mingling but I wouldn't drag everyone else into it at the start.

I agree to not mixing with your DH's crowd. Obviously a hello but no more until maybe later in the evening of ot seems appropriate.

As for the drinks definitely see what they do, or maybe even ask beforehand. At my last place someone tended to organise small groups for rounds with like minded drinkers so that those who had a couple of soft drinks weren't stuck buying rounds with someone drinking their way through the whole cocktail list!

I would be very clear - you do your work do, I'll do mine & not mix the two.

I certainly would NOT buy drinks on partners tab, especially when you're so new in your role - it could easily be misconstrued

I'd just get a round in. Don't even need to say hubby paid for it tbh. I wouldn't go the 'free drinks all night' route though as that could defo make your new boss feel like a cheapskate.

Why would your dh make himself the main character of your evening, with your work colleagues? It’s weird. If he is proud of you he should let you be enough on your own.